Right now I feel a combination of anger at those degenerates and confusion as to how such primitive, cruel and negligent minds could possibly belong to people that gave me my DNA.

They have always been suspiciously light on the details of their life. My siblings and I (including TBMs) have had to piece together the paucity of information they've dispensed about themselves to get a vague idea.

Weirdest of all is their age of wedding, which was 28/29. Old maid status in Moism, especially back in the 60s I presume. Why did they wed so late and what were they doing before then? It's silly but that is a very fishy point for me. I think they were largely considered not-marriage-material. I've seen pictures of them at that age, they were both highly attractive physically so I know that's not it. And as true TBMs it's unlikely they purposefully held out.

It's really hard to see them through my childhood eyes--adoring them, wanting to be around them all the time, thinking they know everything and can do everything--and at the same time discovering as an adult what complete, ignorant assholes they are. It's hard to realize that at age 9 or 10 I deeply wanted to be around my dad but couldn't because he commuted out of state most of the time, and to now realize how I don't ever want to see him or speak to him about anything because he's such an enormous passive-aggressive prickface.

I would LOVE to discover that I'm adopted, it would make so much sense, but there are such obvious similarities. I suppose there are traits that skip generations and genetic factors that only manifest in a small percentage of people? I know little of genetics, just trying to reconcile things.

My mom is the locus of insanity being a clear case of Narcissistic Personality and probably bipolar or something. Actually, no, just NPD from my limited opinion, but a very extreme case of it. Dad is just a pushover and obeys her every insane whim. He has an affable demeanor but is so incredibly stupid and has no idea when he's being a horrible person to others.

Even when they behave themselves and not do anything overtly abusive (through a bit of training under my auspices), I have no interest in talking to them. We're just too different, but mostly they have no idea what kind of emotional scars they've inflicted on me. They think they were very nurturing and attentive parents which is so absurd and even my TBM siblings would agree they SUCKT as parents. We all agree that we raised ourselves. That pisses me off in particular.

I almost wish I was raised in an orphanage, that way I could at least have known at an early age that I HAVE NO PARENTS, instead of being so confused as a kid knowing who my parents are and loving them yet not actually being raised by them except food and shelter. It's like you have an iconic, exalted image of Joseph Smith and through experience and education discover he was a major lowlife, you wish you had never heard of Joe Smith.

I guess I'm thinking more about this because they are turning 70. It won't be long before they're gone and I want to have done everything possible to be on good terms with them, but I know there's nothing more I can discuss with them. They only have the vaguest idea of anything I've said and the few concessions they've made are comparable to the 5 or 10 dollars out of $10,000 in tithes that go to nonMormon humanitarian aid.

I've heard others say this before, and while it's hard to gauge how I'll react once they do pass on, I feel there will be an extent of relief. I don't know what I'll be losing but I won't be losing parents because I don't have any parents to lose.

It's really hard to realize but it's true: they didn't give birth to me, they didn't have me as a son, they were merely following the crowd. They were doing what was cool so that their fellow fucktard Mormons would think they were righteous and successful.

Well anyway the venting seems to be helping and once again I'm realizing that many of these things are experienced by all people not just within Mormonism. I'm more sympathetic than angry now. I don't normally feel this way, btw. Thanks so much for a safe place to vent!

I identified with both of my parents as far as intellect, hobbies, and interests, but my dad was a pedophile - the worst part of my ancestry. However, I would not trade him for JS or BY any day - they were far worse. I do understand the disconnect. After my mother died, we mostly raised ourselves. My senior year, except for breakfast, we had to feed ourselves, because my dad decided to eat out, and not buy food. I grieved not really having a father after my mother died, before his death, because he did not act like a parent after that. Maybe you have already done most of your grieving.

There are people on the board who know a lot more about genetics. It has been a while since I watched these so I do not know if it would answer any questions.

http://learn.genetics.utah.edu/

I am a genealogist, and one thing I like about getting to know my ancestors is I know who I am like, and can identify with them. In general, I know which side of the family my talents, and traits came from. I know who had similar interests, etc. My directness came from my grandmother, who probably had more tact. The stories of her were legendary, and hilarious. Football is OK, but I did not inherit the great love of it from my father's side - lots of the family did. I did inherit my love of music from them. I look most like my dad's eldest sister, her mother - my paternal grandmother, and an unidentified ancestor from my mother's side. Today I wrote some "poetry". I don't write poetry, but my grandmother, great grandmother, and 2nd great grandfather did as well as many of their siblings. My interest in government, and politics comes from my mother's side.

You can bypass your parents' behavior, and focus on shared traits of your ancestors. If your family has pioneer ancestry I am sure you have independent thinking dissenters in your family tree.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2011 05:27AM by atheist&happy:-).

verbatim. Add being raped by your biological father, raped with a wooden spoon so you could not have children by your biological mother, and you will have my life in a nutshell.

Yes, there is a disconnect in my life. My parents can go to HELL. And I pray to God that Satan has a fire that is slow burning there so both of my ex-parents can receive the most pain imaginable.

It's a commandment even !

I had a really hard time with the quote: "Honor your father and mother and your days will be long" or something to that effect because it is in my patriarchal blessing, I always thought I'd die young because I really didn't like my parents. I've since come to accept that they did the best they personally could with what information and background they had.

By far they were not perfect parents and even now I have a hard time connecting with them. My Dad is very authoritative, racist and homophobic...it's sad when I talk to him. My mom is very sheltered. Over the years things have gotten better especially on uber TBM stuff, they realized even Mormons are human and kids will make mistakes whether you raise them in the church or not. They've become more accepting. But, we still aren't close and they still hold strange opinions--I have to look through those opinions and decide for myself what I should do. Luckily I live far away so I don't have them interfering in my life at all.

And I learned that honoring your father and mother actually means honoring fatherhood and motherhood in general, not specifically your parents. I can honor parenthood by being a better parent myself.

You're definitely not alone, I also felt like I raised myself but my parents believed they gave us everything, just because we had shelter and food and few comforts in life. However we did not have the emotional support and encouragement children need.

I asked my dad one day if I could talk to him and I did and I expressed all I had inside, he kept on dismissing my feelings but I was not going to go away until he got what I was saying and as the conversation continued he started to listen more and speak less. We had a good long talk and he told me about his own childhood and about the marriage with my mother. Ever since that day, I have come to understand that he did what he could with the information he had and all his own childhood baggage. I have a much better relationship with him now, but not as it could have been. I guess my greatest satisfaction came when one of my sister told me my father told her he recognized he had not been there for us a lot of the time and he apologized to her. That's all I wanted. for him to recognize and validate our feelings.

I've had several shorter conversation with my mother and she has also understood how I feel. My other satisfaction came when my mother told me "I recongnize that I didn't teach my children", that phrase having a lot of significance because she tends to critize how we do things and I would always tell her, well why didn't you teach us your way when we were kids. My mother is a very good woman but both of my parents were caught off on going out, living their lives and taking vacations, they had little time to give attention to five children. Yes, we went on vacations often and this is why they think we had a great childhood. Yes, it was great but it would have been nicer to have them around.


I am the only one of five children who is able to speak to them bluntly and I am constantly defending my siblings. I'm the second oldest. Like I said, I've come to understand them and have greatly worked on repairing our relationship.

I do. however, carry their DNA, especially my fathers, maybe one day it will my children's turn to straighten me up. =)

D

I knew I'd be understood. Seems like if I left that rant anywhere else on the net I would have been flamed out of the joint fast.

I like the bit about genealogy, I've actually wanted to get into it a little bit but the only sources I know are very TBM and I expect things to be whitewashed. But just doing an internet search on my last name was pretty thrilling. I'd like to know more about my extended family other than the card carrying philistines I grew up with. My dad was actually a young LDS convert and he completely thumbed his nose at his family members who didn't convert, which was everyone but his sister. So there's a lot I don't know about his side.

All I know from mom's side is that some Mormon pioneer carved the ball on which Moroni stands on the SL temple. Big deal, and I bet even that was embellished. He probably did freight and shipped the ball or something. I don't know anything about them other than bits of info on how they served the cult. yawn

Because it certainly didn't come from my parents.

...move *really* far away from home. There is a family story on my mom's side that her mom, along with her mom's sisters (my great-aunts) couldn't stand their new stepmother. That was the impetus that got all of them on a boat and off to America. Problem solved!

I'm lucky that I had great parents, but even then the scales fell off my eyes at some point. Even under the best of circumstances you come to realize that the people you once looked up to are all too human.

I've often thought that high schools should have one-semester classes in parenting. It's the one thing that most people end up doing, and as a teacher, I've seen some massively incompetent parents.

As for your own parents, maybe you can bond over family history. Most older people love to discuss the past. Ask them about stories that their parents and grandparents told them. Ask them about their childhoods and neighborhoods and schooling. The smallest details of daily family life can be very interesting. Ask them what was the first U.S. president that they remember. Some of their family members might have shared WW 2 stories with them, and those are always fascinating. Get your parents' reminiscences on tape or video if you can.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2011 12:50AM by summer.

that's pretty brilliant, Summer. Plus it would shut my mom up about what her statuesque Mormon cronies are doing. Our phone calls are painfully boring and I think your suggestion would help. She's even said herself she wishes our convos were more genuine. I can't really talk about my life since 99% of everything is "the world."