If you are both living the principles of the gospel love will soon follow.... or something like that. I haven't heard this guidance being given lately, Thank heavens.

Spencer Kimball said any two faithful Mormons can make a happy marriage.

Is that what you have in mind?

      

Voice of experience?

I suppose that in actuality, it only takes one horny RM mormon to trick into proposing the marriage.

Was it said at general conference? Really want to know as well. I was also pressured to marry anyone with a heartbeat.

esp. SWK


https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/mate-selection?lang=eng

[|] Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/mate-selection?lang=eng
===============================

Just think about it:

you cannot negotiate true desire -
-- which suggests they've never experienced it.

What they're describing is a business arrangement

I find a basis for agreement with you.

The notion is that two people could agree to work towards the goal of making it to the CK. If an action or inaction does NOT contribute to this goal, they would forgo it. How many children does that mean they should have?

But there could be a problem in getting out of balance, in terms of time spent nurturing yourself v. nurturing others; too much of one or the other could displease the judge(s).

This reminds me of the old saying, "it's always the bishop's kids who run the wildest."

There are page numbers on the right hand side. The quote by SWK is on Page 192, under "Mate Selection / Choosing the Right One". You gotta be kidding me!
FC

Elder Ballard said that the wimmen folk needed to stop trying to look like a man and to "put a little lipstick on".

I can't recall when I last used them. On the other hand, I apply lip gloss moisturizer all the time. But my DH doesn't seem to mind.

‘In Theory’ this has some truth IF both have similar values and goals with desires to make style compromises in the way they make decisions; Attitudes are soooo extremely important in any partnership!

Remember, the authoritarian male paradigm was the model then but that died many years ago; if the wife was good with that …

Why not just let the bishop pick out your spouse? SWK is gone so somebody has to do it.

You can marry someone you don't love. And, you an even end up with great companionship. Most likely you will need to be able to "think of somebody" during sex, but . . . Hey! Who doesn't?

But then, quite by accident, you meet the person of your dreams. At the grocery store or the DMV. The bells ring, the butterflies descend to mid torso, and every cell in your body starts a campaign for a merger and even your eyelashes suddenly feel kind of funny.

But. You have made temple covenants. You must not break them. Especially if you made them before they deep-sixed the death oaths from the endowment. So sorrow is your new friend.


Back to business as usual kids! Cuz, Dr. No is right about not negotiating true desire. It isn't a choice.

…I met the girl of my dreams in Seminary, freshman year

and MÍA

and twice during the mission

and at the Y

and at the bank

and at just about every new job

and Facebook



. . .pattern?

What pattern!?

Good ole Spencer W:

‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price” (“Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 4).


Problem for me was by the time I heard this dangerous drivel by SWK I had already had my soul seared to the core just by looking in the eyes of another human being and being melted into pieces. Changed everything.

And, big emphasis on "Pay the Price" as with all things Mormon.


But SWK's book MoF is what made me see the light and get the hell out of there. I should have sent him a thank you note.

Thanks, this is the one I was looking for.

attracted to me. I assume I know the answer. I didn't realize until a few years ago that he probably didn't see me as a "romantic" partner, so I asked him and he said I was correct. Wow! Makes me feel wonderful.

Now we were supposedly true believers and worthy at the time we married and it didn't work out for us. Well, we live together. Ha ha ha. Works better for our son. We're good friends--the way it always should have been.

I passed up a few good opportunities because of being my good little mormon self.

The underlying message is that the only valid goal for every human's life is to let the Mormon church dictate every aspect of their lives. The whole point of the church is to stamp out every vestige of individuality that does not directly benefit it.

+1

That may be the best distillation of modern Mormonism I have seen. I have seen so many TBMs who have no idea what their own feelings are. If you ask for them for their opinion on some issue, their opinion is whatever they think the Church's opinion is.

If LDS Inc hasn't expressed an opinion on the issue, these people often don't know how to answer.

Brother Of Jerry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have seen so many TBMs
> who have no idea what their own feelings are.
===============================

True. And so sad.

Life can be so color-filled -- yet they're already in the box.

Brother Of Jerry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That may be the best distillation of modern
> Mormonism I have seen. I have seen so many TBMs
> who have no idea what their own feelings are. If
> you ask for them for their opinion on some issue,
> their opinion is whatever they think the Church's
> opinion is.
>
> If LDS Inc hasn't expressed an opinion on the
> issue, these people often don't know how to
> answer.

Both of the above paragraphs, almost more than anything else I've read or heard about Mormonism, scream "Cult"! I mean, if you really need to see what your church thinks about a given situation before coming up with a view yourself--especially if your view is the same as that of your church--then you really have a cult problem!

That's about the best I've heard it put.

Leaving was easy. Figuring out who I should have been all along was tough. I got robbed.

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1529852697943351296.html

The Physiognomy of Mormons

Or Why are Mormon Girls So Hot?

A Story of Genetics, Lifestyle, and Influencers!

I converted and was a member for 25 years. Mormon girls out here in the "mission field" aren't as hot as Utah Mormon girls.

Some of the sister missionaries that showed up from Utah were hot. So were some of the daughters of Utah businessmen transplanted to the mission field by their companies. Also, some of the wives of med students, doctoral students, etc. who showed up at non-Mormon universities were hot (I belonged to a student ward at a large U. Also a singles ward in a large city that had a lot of students).

Many people who joined the church in the mission field were misfits looking for a place to fit in. That's OK, but they usually weren't hot like Utah Mormon girls. Totally different culture. Hot chicks in the mission field aren't looking to join Mormonism.

On the other hand, some of the hottest chicks in the world are born into Mormonism in Utah.

Pardon my use of "chicks". It was either that or "birthing persons".

jj

Utah Mormon women are "hot" if you favor Scandinavian notions of beauty. If you prefer darker women or men, Utah's just saccharine.

I don't think it's just Scandinavians' notion.

Doesn't matter so much to me. I like Colombian girls. I think the article was about percentages and polls.

As far as saccharine goes, I don't think Utah has a monopoly. In fact I'm certain of it.

jj

I mean saccharine beauty.

The bottom line is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are a lot of people who prefer the blond blue-eyed type, but a lot who prefer other color schemes, if you will, as well.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/28/2022 03:06AM by Lot's Wife.

There are very good looking hispanic ladies in the church.

Yes, but that's not what people mean when they speak of beautiful Mormons or beautiful Utahns.

That's what I was thinking as well. Utah has a lot of northern European stock. So if you favor blonde hair and blue eyes, you're in luck. But nevermos have a lot of good looking women as well. If you look at the most popular sororities for the majority of universities, the women are just as good looking as the Utah Mormon women.

I agree. There are so many different types of beauty in this world and this species, and that is true of men as well as women.

Wow! Thank you!!!!

Yes, I suspect it's true of your species too.

How very specious of you!

What profiteth a man if he should gain the hottest woman in the ward yet lose his own sanity?

Is that you, Johnny?

I find David Bednar mildly attractive.




Naw, I'm kidding. That guy scares the crap out of me.

My single friend's ultra-mormon niece told her to look for an "awkward" man.

???

Did she mention an awkward # on the Shetland/Oxford Mens' Awkward Scale?

Does your single friend like pork sushi?

There a joke on Reddit about how if every woman who found this one guy unattractive gave him a dollar … eventually he’d become attractive.

Humans can be so weird!

I think it has to do with squishy morality.

Mormon girls appear beautiful only because of the men they find attractive. It's one reason I went to BYU, because I'd seen many examples of homely men married to attractive women. Sadly, I wasn't able to find a mate at BYU, mainly because I wasn't a Returned Missionary. Being continually dumped by girls who went on to marry ugly men did a number on my self-confidence! Happily, once I escaped the cult, I discovered that there's nothing wrong with me, and I ended up marrying a girl who is a far, far better catch than anything I dated at the Y. Moreover, I've grown more handsome with each passing year, while Morbot Men tend to lose their hair and gain tremendous guts. Can't say that Mormon girls age all that well. Perhaps fewer wrinkles, which are evidently the result of having thoughts and ideas.

Yup. Non-RMs at the Y are road kill on the highway to happiness.

Which mormon leader are you mildly attracted to ?

My husband is astonishingly beautiful even into old age.

The trouble with astonishingly beautiful men is they think they can get away with eating on the couch.

Most TBM’s wouldn’t even follow that advice. Heck. Kimball is long gone. Much of his beliefs got buried with him.