What exactly happens when your body and your spirit part company?

    Using ‘rough’ numbers, there are 8 billion humans on the earth right now.  99% of them will die over the next 100 years, based on current mortality tables, which works out, math-wise, to 80 million per year.  There are 525,600 minutes in a ‘standard’ year, meaning that with an even distribution, 152 of the currently living humans will die every minute over the next century.  (Almost three a second!)  Of those humans not currently alive, but who will be aborning during the upcoming 100-year period (starting … NOW!), a certain number will also be dying, but the math to figure their death rate and totals hadn’t been invented when I was in high school, so I’m skipping them for now.

    So, 152 deaths per minute for the next century…  How many of them will be General Authorities of the church?  How many will be Area Authorities, Stake Presidents, Bishops, Stake Patriarchs, Mission Presidents, and full-time Temple dudes?  And what about the Ensign money-launderers!

    When any on this list die, do they get special attention?  If they do, I'm hoping my stint as an EQP is worth something!

    When the spirit leaves the body, one assumes that the spiritual eyes see whoever it is who has been sent to escort the newly liberated spirit to where it will reside.  We’re told that no matter the age or condition of the body, the newly released spirit is in the same ‘form’ as when it entered the body, but now instead of being a Pre-Existence spirit, it’s a ‘post-mortal’ Spirit’!!  I’m thinking nothing has changed in terms of the actual Spirit body, like nothing changes about your body when you're baptized, except if you're a girl with a flimsy bra...

    To my knowledge, there exists no description of the Rights, Powers & Privileges of an “I’ve had a human body” spirit, other than some go to Paradise and the majority go to Spirit Prison.  (I’m betting the food in Spirit Prison is yucky.)  When David O. McKay died, what did he instinctively know about being a Spirit and how much did he have to learn?    Did having been the Corporate Sole automatically give him the keys to ghawd’s personal Tesla, the model C?  And I’m particularly interested in David’s memory of the Pre-Existence…  Did he get that back immediately, or is there some procedure involved, perhaps involving an E-meter?  You know how they say that every religion has a bit of truth in it . . .

    How patient are the Guardian/Guiding Angels?  We don’t know if 152 new ‘visitors’ to sort out per minute is putting a strain on the system.  From whence are Guardian/Guiding Angels recruited? How long is a shift? Do they get days off? Vacations?  Do they have a union?  What powers do they have in terms of keeping order?  Can you handcuff or taser a recalcitrant Spirit?  Are lawyers notoriously difficult to process into Spirit Prison?  Are there inmates in Spirit Prison telling stories about how mean their Guiding Angels were?

    Do you think Apostles and all the others who have had the Second Annoying are easy or hard to deal with?  And what if Rusty’s first wife is standing there, waiting for him, tapping her foot and looking annoyed?  What if he outlives Wendy and they’re BOTH waiting for him, each one assuming she’s going to get her way?

    Are Spirits (both the Pre-Existence and post-dead) subject to gravity?  Do Spirits “...have weight and occupy space”?  Do they require a power source, and what happens when the power source is withheld?  Based on the supposed fate of Lucifer and his homies, Spirits can’t be destroyed, but they can be ‘contained’ or ‘kept out’.

    I’m sure we could create an elaborate list of questions involving the minutia of ’passing over’ and the shofar…  Okay, that’s for Passover … Just testing you.

    Those of us who have been involved with ‘systems’ will likely agree that no system is perfect, every system can be improved and every system can be ‘gamed’.  The continuing ‘evolution’ of the mormon church serves as a proof of this contention.

    Don’t forget the signs, your tokens, and your secret name, lest the Guardian Angels screw up the paperwork, but at least you’ll know that with all eternity stretching ahead, it’ll eventually all get straightened out.

What, pray tell, is the purpose of this post?

I wanna be a spiritual being and check out your lingerie drawer/closet/annex/warehouse!

Don’t you find it annoying that there is so little detail about what happens at death, given how long the system has supposedly been in place?

Doesn’t it sometimes almost make you want to ask yourself, “can the church possibly be all made up?!?”

Ah, so that's the point.

I started out enjoying the pure childlike story. I even had to stifle a giggle or two lest I interrupt the efforts of my coworkers here in the call center.

But then I got lost in the prose and felt like a Mormon child who'd been led by her leader into a slot canyon in southern Utah--something that never happens, by the way, in the Girl Scouts--and regretted having left Apple Andy's thread.

Your clarification, however, has eliminated my doubts. Praise Jesus!

did he died opie?

+++

The whole spirit deal is overrated...

I agree!

Overrated, overwrought & overpriced!

As a TBM, I just knew I would choke when it came time to give the signs and tokens. It would at least be like being Mexican at a border crossing. "Please pull over here, sir."

Thankfully, now I don't have to worry about the CK's La Migra.

I thought this was a country song title.

Do you have a fixation with death ?

    Not as I describe 'fixation'   (see:  Boobs)

    It's my perception that not many engage in long-term planning regarding their deaths.  And I'm not referring to Estate Planning.

    I can't recall when I first came up with my plan for death, but it was at least before 1990.  The last of my five (known) children was born in 1989 and I'm pretty sure that it was very soon after that I came up with how I wanted to check out of Life Its Ownself.  I have not varied in my dedication to this plan, which requires that I stay in good physical shape.

    When the time is ripe, I'm going to construct a hand-cart, using the very best mormon green wood, load it up, and head off on a rolling plain towards some distant mountains.  Whether I make it to the mountains or not is immaterial.

    Wherever I finally expire, my cured bacon clothing, my pork-grease skin creme, will assure that my remains, if any, will be widely scattered, and the 'mystery' of what happened to me will exist until someone points out this post to the Social Security Administration and they use it to justify finally ending my monthly payments, much to the chagrin of the Nevada whorehouse where I blessed the entire work crew with my 'presence' for a week.

    They, like I, will think, "It was a good ride while it lasted."

elderolddog Wrote:
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> They. . . will think, "It was a good ride while it lasted."

Will they?

You're correct in pointing out this error.

Who am I to speak for the unwashed masses?

I don't believe you have a "spirit" anymore than a squirrel or a bee. When you're dead, you're dead, like a piece of Navajo sandstone is dead.

    So why on earth would the one church I know something about have this elaborate plan all laid out?  

    Are mormon leaders simply mistaken, or is it a cruel deception for personal gain?

I think "laid" is the operative word.

I think I will be nonexistent and therefore unable to have any thoughts about my nonexistence.

Instead of a flimsy bra, it’s a Training Bra, but unknown whether it was a parent (Mother, of course) or the pre-pubescent girl who wanted / insisted on wasting that money ( lire, kroner, yen, rubles, drachma, dollars, shekel, etc.)

just sayin’ tyvm