I just read LDS author/actor Jennette McCurdy's book, "I'm Glad My Mom Died". Before I read her book, I had no idea who she is, mostly because I'm kind of old, and she made a name for herself by being on Nickelodeon shows iCarly and Sam and Cat. I decided to read her book because of the title, and because she was raised LDS, and I love a good celebrity tell all. McCurdy has left acting, and now wants to write and direct.

The book is earth shattering on many levels. Jennette's mom, who died in 2013 of breast cancer, was an obvious narcissist who exploited everyone-- but especially Jennette, who never wanted to be an actress. Several years ago, I read Melissa Francis's book about her stage mom-- also very crazy and narcissistic. Jennette's book reminded me a bit of that book, except her mother was more manipulative and had her daughter "worshiping" her. It wasn't until a year after her mom's death that she was hit with some serious "truth bombs" that led her down a very self-destructive path.

Jennette used to get a lot of comfort from the LDS church, and as I read about that, I couldn't help but think about my husband's younger daughter, who managed to escape her narcissistic mother with help from church members. As much as I dislike Mormonism, it must be said that they do help people in trouble... not necessarily for the best or most altruistic reasons. My husband's daughter also found comfort in the church, and role models in the more "normal" members who modeled healthier families than her mother did with husband #3.

I would love to recommend the book to younger daughter, but I fear it might cause her head to explode. She's very busy with her young family and church stuff. But so many of the things that Jennette McCurdy's mother did are familiar, right down to lying to her about who her bio father was. Jennette didn't find out her "dad" wasn't her dad until a year after her mother died. And then when she met the guy, it turned out that he had fought for her and two of her brothers (also his kids), but Jennette's mom lied about him abusing her and he lost. So all of those years, he was wondering about his children and denied access to them... just as my husband lost contact with his daughters for so long.

I will caution that this book is pretty graphic, and anyone who has struggled with eating disorders might find it triggering. There's a lot of profanity, and some of the stories are horrifying. However, it really gave me food for thought, and after I read parts of it to my husband, we had an interesting and insightful conversation about all that has happened over the years. He is, thankfully, back in contact with one of his daughters, and she seems to have seen the truth. She doesn't want to be like her mother, and does what she can to keep her kids away from her.

I'm glad to see that Jennette McCurdy seems to be trying to get well, too. I highly recommend her book. I hope she writes more.

https://www.amazon.com/Im-Glad-My-Mom-Died-ebook/dp/B09JPJ833S/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3J2DKIG0GMV0K&keywords=jennette+mccurdy+i%27m+glad+my+mom+died&qid=1661756848&sprefix=jenne%2Caps%2C176&sr=8-1

I have not read it and didn't know she was raised LDS. I want to read the book, I'm on the waiting list for it at the library.

I enjoyed her acting in iCarly growing up. She wasn't the best actress(pretty standard for that kind of fakey, campy acting all those Disney channel and Nickelodeon teen live actors do, you know?) but she was a favorite of mine on iCarly. She had great comedic timing and energy on screen. So, it actually made me sad to hear about her book and her talking about how miserable she was and how much that career path was not her choice. I'm glad she's being open and unapologetic about it. I bet that's really empowering for her. I still hope she's able to do something with her comedy, because she's amazing at that. Writing or even stand up.

I saw an interview this morning and she said that maybe she will go back at some point, but quitting acting was some she had to do for her health. And when you read her book, you will find out just how serious it got.

I am impressed by the quality of her book. It’s really good. I totally understand why she chose that title, too. Her mother was extremely toxic.

I'm not sure how I'm going to feel when my mother passes away. I struggle with eating disorders. I struggle with taking care of a mother who has spent my entire life criticizing me, being manipulative, and generally giving me a hard time. She has said some pretty awful things to me. She deliberately tries to sabotage any efforts that I make to heal myself when it comes to eating. She prides herself on her discipline when it comes to food, but tries to sabotage me in my own efforts, while at the same time telling me that I need to change. She only cares about her own needs and doesn't seem to have the ability to empathize with others. Now I'm the one who is taking care of her in her old age, ironically. I never would have seen that one coming when I was younger.

I don't know if it would be a good idea for me to read this book or a bad one.

A friend of mine, with a similar mother who passed away, did tell me that one day I would find my freedom and that I would begin to heal. It's strange. I'm in no hurry to lose my Mom. She's the only one I've got. But on the other hand, I do understand what she's saying about someday feeling free and beginning to heal.

But I'll deal with that day when it comes. Right now, there's a lot on my plate.

I read a couple of interviews which I found very interesting and well-argued. I hadn't thought of applying it to your family's story, Knotty, but it is a perfect fit.

I was drawn to the interviews because I too was glad my mother died.

My husband’s ex wife has often talked about getting her kids into show business. She used to talk about her eldest son trying out for movies, then it was my husband’s younger daughter. Now she’s tweeting celebrities about her youngest daughter going to a conservatory. A lot of what Jennette wrote about was familiar on many levels, right down to the kids paying household bills.

We have recently been hearing a lot more about what happened, since my husband had no contact with his daughters for so long. It’s infuriating.

But Jennette’s story is truly harrowing on many levels. She tried so hard to please her mother. It was like trying to fill a bottomless pit.

Probably each of us should stop and wonder what our children will say while holding our urn in their hands. Will they smile for the photo?

Made me STOP and think too much. My mother wasn't perfect, but she was nothing like these mothers. I'm surprised my mom did as well as she did with all the problems she had in her life. I don't think she had one day of her life that was without concern (she was the oldest of parents who were deaf, so it started out young).

Reading this board has shown me how lucky I am to have the parents I did.

I'm familiar with McCurdy from iCarly (my daughters both loved the show, and sometimes still watch reruns).

I noticed when the reboot was being hyped, that she declined to participate and said it was because she never really enjoyed it (or something to that effect). I think at the time she was blogging or podcasting, or something.

Anyway, her character ofter referred to herself as "mama" when she was doing reprehensible things, like beating up other characters. And the character's mother was always referred to as sort of a drunk, absent, man-eating jailbird (IIRC).

I wonder if any of the mother's description was based on her real mother, or potentially influenced by the writer's dislike of her.


Anyway, like most others, I had no idea that she was LDS.

According to her book, both her mom and grandmother were very manipulative, exploitive, and abusive. Her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was two, and she was not above using the cancer to get sympathy or preferential treatment. She used Jennette for money, and did weird things like make her and her brother sleep on mats in their dining room (she was a hoarder). Even when Jennette bought herself a bed, her mom commandeered it with her crap.

She gave Jennette showers and intimate “exams” until with was sixteen. Sometimes, her brother would be in the shower, too. Mom insisted, according to Jennette. She made her use a booster seat in the car until she was a teen.

When she was 18, she went to Hawaii with a boyfriend. She lied about it to her mom, who saw her photo on TMZ. She wrote dozens of emails and texts, sent voice messages, and called. She called Jennette all kinds of filthy names, then as she signed off with love, demanded money for a new refrigerator.

And she had many dramatic death “dress rehearsals”, as Jennette put it, and get everybody upset. Then she finally died when Jennette was 21.

Grandma was much like her mom, and Jennette tolerated her so she could speak to her grandfather.

This seems like a lot, but then when her mom died, she engaged in a lot of very dangerous and unhealthy behaviors. I think the main reason she used that title is because now that she’s had therapy, she understands she was abused. She can’t confront her anymore.

I think one reason she didn’t do the reboot has to do with Dan Schneider, who made a lot of Nickelodeon shows. He was reportedly an abusive creep. Nickelodeon offered her $300k not to ever speak about the show. She declined, which was a good move. I think her book is going to sell a lot of copies.

I’m so sad that so many here had a bad mom. When my mom died moments after she had open-heart surgery, I was shattered. After about 50 days of paralyzing grief, I woke up and said, I think I’ll be ok.

So, I wonder which is worse-—having a mom whom we’re glad she’s dead, or having a mom who dies and leaves us shattered.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/29/2022 11:28PM by Kathleen.

I suspect you are an example of the good, strong, thoughtful person to whose development a good mother contributes greatly. From my perspective, that solid core answers the question you pose.

Thanks, LW, I hope to be that.

From my admittedly limited exposure to your values and thought processes, I think your mother would be proud.

I love my mom, especially now that I’m grown. She became a different person when my dad died. I had a lot more issues with him than her.

My mom is beautiful, talented, funny, and smart. But she probably shouldn’t have had me. She told me many times when I was a child that I was a mistake or an accident. She was pretty neglectful, too. However, she was willing to buy me a horse to keep me out of trouble. She also passed along her musical genes.

I will probably be pretty sad when she passes. With my dad, there were many mixed emotions. He was abusive to me. We didn’t like each other. I can’t say I miss him a lot.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/30/2022 12:07AM by knotheadusc.