Forgiving is fine if warranted. Forgetting is over rated and not possible and remembering actually works as a tool in your arsenal to navigate life. The trick is to defang the remembering by talking it to death. That is where RFM comes in.
I came to RFM the first time because someone told me about it and I thought "recovering" was the wrong idea. Moving on is the way to go. Healing is good. I still don't understand recovery. Your flesh heals but not so sure about the psyche.
I came to understand what Mormonism had done to be by excavating belatedly. That I recommend. You got to have a good long look at that mess. But it got done to you and you can't change it.
In the end, the best healing comes from understanding Negativity Bias and Control Illusion.
You can dilute the pint of pain you feel with a thousand gallons of spring water but if when you deep sea dive all you see at the bottom among the sea stars and ruffled sea weed is the pint of pain in the green bottle on the sand, then time to dig deep, make peace that the bottle will always be there and maybe even give it a loving pat before surfacing.
However. Some wounds will not heal and some bottles float on top. Your pain is hard to fathom sometimes, EB, if I read right, along with some others. Apologies if I don't. All I can say is I wish you the best, and, I wish you a lot more spring water.
PHIL Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Remember I'm not a mormon anymore so that would > also make me an exmormon now. Scarry Eh?
Welcome to our side, PHIL. What was it that convinced you? :)
Religion is for two kinds of people: sociopaths and their enablers. How is letting yourself be scammed "making Jesus happy"?
Think of a watering hole on the African savanna. Predators go there because that's where the food is. So how do you know who is a wolf in sheep's clothing? You don't. You can't detect a true crazy because they've honed their blending-in skills over a lifetime of survival.
Credulity is not your friend if it makes you an enabler. Leaches and predators will suck you dry and chew on your bones if you let them. That’s what ministering gets you. Mormons are out to scam God, scam each other, and scam themselves. I have a better idea. How about we not?
Yes he did. I will always wonder why. He was a very nice man and did work with us as far as his job allowed. I still think it is a shame they didn't let him have the Christmas tree we wanted to give him.
Gleefully confined myself to my basement shop—-106 degrees outside, 82 degrees in my shop. Glance at RfM a lot, vacuum spider webs, cut glass, solder lead, and enjoying every moment.
Oh I just HATE you Kathleen! I have always wanted to try that but I am afraid. Hot things + sharp things = a VERY stupid Susan. It wouldn't be an accident waiting to happen, it would be how bad an accident. I almost bought a heat press then thought about the damage I could do to myself and bought an EasyPress lol. Do you take commissions? No, seriously, do you???
Plus, I think if I brought one more art/craft into this house Hubs will divorce me. I am hiding the beginner amigurumi kit I just got (but it was on sale and I have wanted to try for a long time!) and will only work on it after he goes to bed. Me bad.
Hi Susan, you gotta stay clear of the business end of that soldering iron, that’s for sure. I don’t do commissions, but I know ppl who do, tho, whom I could put you in touch with.
And you’d definitely have to keep your hubs away from this craft. If yours is anything like mine—-he just looks at stuff and it gets broken. Darling man, but . . . Luckily, my shop is 5’5” tall, and I’m 5’3”. I’m the only one in the outfit who fits down there. Did you you once say you’re 503? You’d be welcome !! :D
Amigurumi is what has me envious !!!!! Oh, I love yarn!
Kathleen Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Luckily, my shop is > 5’5” tall, and I’m 5’3”. I’m the only > one in the outfit who fits down there.
let's see, where should i start. right after i sent my resignation letter i....
* spent a night with a really good looking hooker * burned a book of mormon * set apart 10% of my salary (before taxes of course) and bought new clothes * drank tea oh my god, the horror
finally, at last, i was being myself. after the rush of freedom, i started investing on my education as much as i could. never been happier
Yes! Education. *That* is the pinnacle of the recovery. And not just the one you get in school. But the one you finally get from just allowing yourself to look at all of life and this time with only the proper amount of judgement.
I have actually done something I think qualifies. Amazing how after 40+ years there can be anything. It made me as uncomfortable as buying cake mix or a pie. I bought a couple of Saint medals. Gulp. Yes, I did that. Idols! But they are not Roman Catholic so they don't count as much right? I could only get them from Ukraine so um, I am really just helping their economy. Right? And since the food is sooo good it is fine that I learn to make a few things for her feast day next July. Right???? Besides, it really is admiration not worship. And I don't wear them, just have them. I only have one chain that would work and I will not stop wearing my tryzub lol!
I remember the first few times I spent extended times in East and Southeast Asia, where there is a lot of excellent Buddhist/Hindu/Shinto/Animist art. Before returning to my family home, I bought some inexpensive religious statuary as souvenirs.
My parents were impressed. They are very TBM but they generally have a good sense of aesthetics, so they put the pieces up in prominent places around the house. The only thing that unnerved them was when I commented that, "Asia has the best gods nowadays. You just can't find them in the West anymore."
After an awkward pause, they laughed. Fortunately.
I've started doing 75 hard. Like the name says, it's HARD.
Very simple program: Take a progress picture every day 45 min workout x 2 (one must be outdoors) Drink 1 gallon of water per day Read 10 pages of non-fiction per day (something educational) Follow a diet (you choose) no cheat meals No alcohol
Miss one and you start over.
I'm on day 12 - started Sept 1. It was a hot summer where I live, but it's cooled down in the last few weeks, so it was a perfect time to start.
I chose no refined sugar and no refined carbs. I was a sugar fiend for years, so I thought going off of sugar was going to be a hardship. But I've found out the hardest thing is finishing 1 gallon of water. Actually, where I live we don't have gallons, so I drink 4 liters. 1 gallon is 3.78 liters, so I'm actually going above and beyond, but 2 x 2 liters of water is easy to track. With 4 liters of water, I just don't get hungry, so the diet is easy. I ate one steak the other day, and that was it. It's kind of like a forced intermittent fasting. But after a few days of working out hard, I had 3 hearty meals the next day.
There are 2 workouts x 45 minutes. One must be outdoors, no matter what the weather. But fundamentally it's not a workout program. The point is mental toughness. One day I walked 45 minutes in the rain, without an umbrella. If it snows, I'll walk in the snow.
Also, the workouts just have to include intentional movement. It doesn't mean you have to lift weights or run. An outdoor workout can include walking. That's what I do. An indoor workout (intentional movement) can mean stretching, calisthenics, or body weight exercises.
Alcohol is easy. I don't drink. It doesn't agree with me. My accountability partners struggled with not drinking the first week, now it's routine.
I have a group of online accountability buddies, 2 that I know in real life. We keep each other motivated. We all started Sept 1. One guy had to start over. I forget why. But we all support each other.
October 2021 I weighed 220 lbs, down from 232 lbs. Christmas of 2021. I could only do slow walking because of an aortic aneurysm, and doing it just by dieting is hard for modern Americans!
Then I had the surgery to fix the aneurysm in late October. I picked up the pace on the walking. Six weeks later I was at 216 lbs. and the doc said you're fixed, so brush your teeth, comb your hair and go be a person.
I upped the mileage and the pace and work out at least five hours a day, four or five days a week with no dieting, other than no red meats.
I weigh 168 pounds right now after a breakfast of two big homemade waffles drenched in fresh diced and sugared strawberries.
I went from 38" pants to 32" pants, which are loose on me. I'm shooting for 160 and then I'll reassess.
Six to eight to ten mile jaunts, throwing some weights around and the real hard work: trying to appear humble. That's the hardest part, so thanks for this opening!