In a way that's like celebrating Christmas alongside adults who believe in Santa, flying reindeer, and the existence of an OSHA-exempt workshop at the North Pole.

Maybe you don't believe in those things but you go along to get along. There may even be ways to enjoy the game such as making them think you've bought in even though you're an infiltrator. Can one cosplay Mormon for sport?

But isn’t it soooooo boring? Wouldn’t you rather be watching cartoons? I’m not saying you go, I’m just thinking life’s too damn short to spend your free time listening to what you know is nonsense.

It's boring if you're not into the social club scene. If you view it as going to a zoo to watch interesting animals, or if you get to interact maybe a petting zoo (no heavy petting allowed), it could be interesting.

Or playing a good video game. They just had to drag me away from nintendo and force me into their charade show.

I still attend! Of course what else would you expect from a mindless cult follower.

If all of life is a con job, the church is a realistic proposition. The question is do you play along once you are in on the con? I mean, if you're a normie not a narcissist or psychopath.

Not in decades.

But I do attend Church of England services these days.

Is there anyone else there Matt? A few years ago I attended a CofE service at the church where I was married. There was about 20 people in a church that would seat several hundred.

Not only no, oh my heck no!

I literally felt like a mole the entire time.

As it is, everyone in this ward just waits and watches hoping another one of us goes back. We've had a tough spring, summer, and fall. My neighbor invited me to go to church a few months ago. She said I could find peace. I said thank you, but no thank you.

I also told her I went to what was my dad's farm (our farm). A guy my dad mentored in FFA bought the farm. I hadn't been there since 2011. I found peace walking down the lane towards the farm. Some of the old trees and the hedge my grandfather used to take care of are still there. Huge trees. It was like coming home and I used to hate that farm. I hated working on it and the horseflies and mosquitos (it borders the Great Salt Lake or used to). I need to go again. We are welcome anytime. The guy who bought it and his family are WONDERFUL. I do believe my dad would approve of who we sold it to.

It was my great grandfather's farm and my grandfather's.

I could never show my face at church. It has so many bad feelings from all they put me through all the years I was mormon. There is no peace there. There is no hope there.

HAAALE no.

Why would an SKP voluntarily walk back through the prison doors??

"the chapel doors seem to say to me...

'RUUUUUUUUN!'"



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2022 03:14PM by skp.

I hated the meetings when I believed the truth and priesthood were restored by Joseph Smith.

It was something I endured to keep a TR, so nah fam I'm good

When I was a kid and into my thirties or so, it was OK. People talked to you, the bishop would always seek you out to say hello. I knew that whatever door I knocked on as a kid, I would find a person to help. Along with the camps, road shows, ward dinners and such you always had something to take your mind away from that boring side.

As I began to attend less and less, I got those looks of disapproval, had people purposely avoid me in the hallway, and the last bishop I talked to was a business manager and not a bishop.

I have only attended for the rare missionary farewell or baptism. It is strange, awkward, and sterile, there is no life left. I am just watching a bunch of Zombies.

Nothing more for me to return to, and I have no interest to even try.

No. And I never will again. I wouldn't want to give anyone false hope. That seems like it'd be cruel, especially when I get huffy about drop in visits, constantly sent friend requests from missionaries and random old guys who are local leaders.

I really want my boundaries to be clear. I already have family who love bomb me occasionally and I know that it is done with the intent to influence me to return to the fold. I've taken a no argument/debate stance on my exit so these folks aren't exactly clear on what my issues are with the church and how pointless showering me with love is. But I certainly don't want to confuse them by visiting church or engaging in church activities again. Even if I was curious to see things or how it felt.

It's easier for me to remember the humanity of individual members when we don't engage on church topics. Having to sit there in a pew or classroom while somebody tries to instruct and indoctrinate me would resurface a bit of trauma for me. Remembering how they're all agents of the system that victimized me, and that "taught by layman" system allows cover for the church org to gaslight me about the incorrect or false history I was taught. It's better for my healing, at least in this phase of it, to stay away from interacting with members when they are acting in a zealot role.