Hello, I'm turning 30 next year and feel like my life has been wasted in the cult. My entire youth spent on this nonsense. Now I'm 30 and never married. No kids. It's depressing. Anyone else feel like you wasted so much time?

No alimony, no paying child support for kids that are alienated from you, sounds like you have it pretty good for a young guy.

Culture is not your friend. Whatever it is promoting is generally not good for you personally. You should be celebrating, not getting depressed. Yay, you are free! Thank God you weren't married, the TBM wife would have weaponized the ward to turn your life into a living Hell.

I was in my early thirties when I left. I have a lot of fallout memories with my l little family you won't have in 20 years. That is what you are missing but won't be for awhile. Don't regret a past but celebrate a future without those problems and wasted time.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2022 03:19PM by Elder Berry.

Btw totes on topic.

I was 40 when I figured it out and then spent 10 years being pissed I wasted so much time of my precious life on the stupid Mormon hamster wheel.

My only advice is to recognize that who you are now is someone good. All your life experiences made you who you are. Go forward with the luxury of being able now to follow your own bliss wherever that may lead.

There are many ways to make a difference in the lives of others. There are many ways for you to fill your cup. Age 30 is just getting started. Pat yourself on the back for figuring it out so early.

I was 30 and a virgin when I got married, and I was never LDS. It wasn’t a bad thing to wait. I don’t have kids, but my husband had them with his ex wife… and yes, what bradley writes about parental alienation and child support is very true for a lot of folks. Don’t be in a rush. Find the right person.

Our situation turned out okay. Next month, we will celebrate twenty years. It pays to be selective and take your time. Enjoy your youth. You will be my age before you know it. ;)

Life starts getting good after 30, you have a lot to look forward to. You can still get married, have kids, etc. However, doing that is no guarantee of happiness. If you haven't already, get a good education that will earn you a good living, get out and meet people (non-mormons), have fun and look forward rather than staying stuck in the past, fussing about things you can't change.

I came home from a mission, did as I was told, got married in less than 6 months. For the next 20 years my life went from surviving to a living hell.

My wife weaponized the church against me as mentioned by another, she alienated my kids from me, which took me over a decade to repair. My divorce was hell, and the church left me to fend for myself in a metaphorically live minefield when I filed for my divorce.

Your fine, I would trade you in a second for your position at the age of 30. I did not remarry until I was 45, take your time, choose the right person. I tell that to all my kids, and they all waited...even my super duper TBM son.

My suggestion is....go out, have lots of fun, spread your wings. And most of all........do not do anything stupid!!!

It sounds like you're mourning what your life might have been, is that right?

IMO Mormons (and by extension, newly-minted exmos) can have a distorted sense of age. Most nevermos that I knew of got married in their late twenties, and early to mid-30s is not unusual. Get going! Find someone to love, and have some kids. Enjoy your life. The 30s are great! Someday you will look back and laugh at how young you were at 30, and how your life was essentially an open book waiting to be written in.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2022 06:23PM by summer.

There are many things worse than getting out of the church when you are 29. Among them are getting out of the church when you are 30, or 31, or 32, or 33. . .

You've made the right decision and can celebrate at least five decades of freedom. Many of us wish we had achieved what you have.

Congratulations!

It was always said to me that your twenties were when you finally figured out who you really are and what your true beliefs are.

The teens you still follow your parents basic beliefs and it takes a full decade to split and find your way,

Btw middle age doesn’t start until forty. You have plenty of time. Sounds you are right on schedule to a extraordinary life.

Oh to be young again. When I was your age, 30, I had been married 8 years and had four kids. Providing for a family was a challenge. I too had followed the mormon playbook-of-misery by marrying right after a mission and popping out kids as fast as possible.

My advice to you is to enjoy life now while you can. Finding a partner would enhance that enjoyment, but only if you find someone compatible with you. Don't be in a hurry. Life with the wrong person doesn't work, wait until you find the RIGHT one FOR YOU.

I'd love to buy you a beer and discuss this. I'm sure there are other here who would join us.

We aren't cars. Empty for us is actually fuel. It's a great feeling actually, as it implies you are aware something is missing and the search needs to begin. This is a positive.

Just need to pick a fork in the road or an onramp at the clover leaf.

No two lives are or should be alike. There is no list of bench marks to hit at certain ages except by those who have allowed society to dictate those to them.

Explore.

Mame said life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death. Earth has a very big menu to look at.

You're not old at all. A lot of people wait until your age to get married, but from being in the church, I know you're probably being treated like an outcast.
You're still young and have a lot of years ahead to have fun, but I know how you feel on wasting your youth

        Get fit.

    Start NOW!

You won't regret it.

^This^ In spades.

The physical lifts the mental and the emotional.

Done & Done Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The physical lifts the mental and the emotional.

Literally. I recommend yoga.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>         Get fit.
>
>     Start NOW!

Ah yes, the words of a man who hikes daily the snow-tipped ranges of Anaheim and there charmed Snow White herself. 'Tis a fantasy come true!

Go west, young man.

Turned 65 this past summer. At 30, I had a set of 2-year-old twins and a gay husband who was cheating on me. So much more to tell and I have.

My daughter didn't marry until 34. Her husband is wonderful. She married someone who grew up 3 blocks away and we know his family really well. I couldn't ask for a better family for her to marry into or a better man.

Do I have regrets? HELL YES! You have to make the best of what you have. My dogs are one of the best things I've ever done in my life. I'm going to go read the thread about knots dog starting chemo. I'm waiting for results of lab tests for one of my dogs. I think he has diabetes, but I'm preparing myself for the worst. I guess you can't do that in reality.

There is not ONE PLAN that I made for my life that has happened. There has been a lot of good, but also a lot of bad. Oh well.