My ex-colleague got rid of his porn stash about four years ago and stopped talking to me soon after I believe he was guilt-tripped into getting rid of sources of sin. He hasn't thrown out his porn stash since and he has since resumed talking to me. (I will ask him today why he got rid of his porn stash - he tells me everything.)

The odd part to me is that I'm one of the only nice people to him. Everyone else uses him and ignores him. He's constantly walked over like a doormat and is never promoted, yet I'M ignored or a bad influence? I've never really challenged his belief system either, so he can't say I'm anti-mormon church or anything like that. I really do think he thinks I'm a man-slut since he knows I have had girlfriends. He married the first woman who was interested in him (pathetic) at the "late age" of 25.

To me, this implies that he's told his bishop or whoever it is about his porn stash and maybe sexual preference (homosexual). If he can tell a guy at church that he has gay attractions, why doesn't he just come out then?

Do you know how awkward it was seeing him avoiding me at the office? I was thinking I had spinach on my teeth or smelled like BO. Funny part to me was that even though I knew he was avoiding me, I got the feeling that he wanted to talk to me as well. When I had to hand over records for him to put into the accounting statements, all I ever got from him was "thanks" and "good going."

I've been lurking on this site for a while. And I constantly read women who tell their bishop about their sexual activities. That's just way too much information to give out from this NeverMo. I'm constantly amazed that such information is passed so freely, especially to someone of the opposite sex. AND, I've been reading a lot lately about bishops who spill the beans on members' sins in front of the congregation. To me, this is an extra incentive to keep private matters, um, private!

Why can't people just lie?



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2011 12:01PM by newcomer.

I lied constantly... it was the only way to make it though and retain any kind of status. It's almost expected.

I never lied, I just couldn't when I really believed, and I wish I would have now. Caused me a horrific amount of pain after I confessed and then things were not kept private.

I could just die about something my DexH told my kids about something really bad I did, AFTER I had confessed to him and the bishie. I still fell shame when I think about that, OMG, tears now. Shame and guilt are the worst 2 emotions in the world, IMO. I find even as an exmo I will still try really hard NOT to do anything that would make me feel that way. Nothing is worse than self hatred. I guess that is why so many young gay mo's commit suicide, they can never live up, and self hatred sets in.

I find it disgusting that young boys, and I guess girls too now?, are asked about masturbation. That is just a normal thing. Would it be better to get some girl pregnant or get an STD? I hate, hate, hate to think of my 3 grandsons now going through such interviews. What a pile of crap. The mo church controls it's members through guilt and shame, and it is just so wrong.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2011 12:42PM by think4u.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2011 12:17PM by Stray Mutt.

Specifically, they are lying about not masturbating.

Not necessarily. The only question relating to this is "Do you live the law of chastity," and that's a matter of interpretation. The interview doesn't included to which definition of chastity you must subscribe.

And masturbation is always a big no-no.

So true, like when my ex remarried in the temple knowing he owed me over 10 grand , my half of our tax return earlier that year. He just kept it! Even knowing full well it was spelled out in our divorce decree that we were to split any refund given or pay equally if we should owe the IRS more.

I kept asking him early in the year if I owed him money. All I got was "No, it came out exactly to the penny, we don't owe, but are getting no refund." And I just believed him. That man lied to me more than I can even say, and yet I still have feelings for him as the father of my children. I just really cannot hate, nor do I want to.

But to go through the temple to marry your new wife with that hanging over your head, all that tells me is that he is not really a believer, something I have come to know for sure is the truth. He has not believed for far longer than I, but just chooses to stay and play the game for social, family, business reasons. He had a stack of apologetics nearly 2 feet high, and knows full well it is all a pile of crap.

I guess the same woman here who could not lie about her sins (me), could not and would not let the church get away with all of it's lying, and that is actually the reason I became furious about it all and left. I am so grateful to free of all of that B.S. Just wish I would have lied to them about certain things, but then, that would not be me.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2011 12:44PM by think4u.

I lied to my stake prez when I was getting a temple recommend right before I got married.

He was asking all kinds of questions about chastity, etc, and I answered them, then he got really specific about oral sex and whatnot...

I said, Nope, never, even though I had been doing everything but with my fiance'.

At the moment he asked the question about blow jobs, I felt an intense, almost electric shock when I lied. Now, I look back and think my body must have been so flooded with adrenaline because of the stress, but back then I knew it was a SIGN THAT i WAS HORRIBLE FOR LYING TO THE STAKE PREZ.

Oral sex? What's wrong with that?

I would love for that bishop to ask me about my sexual activities... I would have kicked him in the testes.

My ex-colleague's wife won't do oral on him. But he's stupid enough to do it on her. And she's a big woman. And she smells foul there too according to her DH.

Lissie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I lied to my stake prez when I was getting a
> temple recommend right before I got married.
>
> He was asking all kinds of questions about
> chastity, etc, and I answered them, then he got
> really specific about oral sex and whatnot...
>
> I said, Nope, never, even though I had been doing
> everything but with my fiance'.
>
> At the moment he asked the question about blow
> jobs, I felt an intense, almost electric shock
> when I lied. Now, I look back and think my body
> must have been so flooded with adrenaline because
> of the stress, but back then I knew it was a SIGN
> THAT i WAS HORRIBLE FOR LYING TO THE STAKE PREZ.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2011 12:45PM by newcomer.

newcomer, as a nevermo you most likely do not know that for about 18 months, I believe in the 80's, oral sex was a temple rec. question for married couples, and there was such a backlash they finally removed the question.

People were counseled NOT to do that, because it was a sin! Honest!

Having oral sex? No rec.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2011 12:48PM by think4u.

think4u Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> newcomer, as a nevermo you most likely do not know
> that for about 18 months, I believe in the 80's,
> oral sex was a temple rec. question for married
> couples, and there was such a backlash they
> finally removed the question.
>
> People were counseled NOT to do that, because it
> was a sin! Honest!
>
> Having oral sex? No rec.

Funny how the church changes with the times... an no one seems to question these changes.

No kidding, and there have been more than just a few minor changes. Like when God changed his mind suddenly in '78 about black people, or like when GBH told Larry King or Mike Wallace, not sure which, that the mo's do not teach that God was once a man, and that men can become God's, and a zillions others.

I mean, who, with a half way descent thinking process can continue to buy all of their lies, because that is really what they are very blatently doing, knowing full well that most of their sheeple are so deeply indoctrinated they neither look nor care.

What's gross here is that you felt the need to share that piece of information.

What is gross about what was shared? Does the word blow job offend you?

I am just really curious why you are offended at that piece of info-- please explain. I am not criticizing you, just honestly do not understand.

Come now, this phrase was completely unnecessary to the whole point:
"And she's a big woman. And she smells foul there too according to her DH."

I have nothing against blow jobs, anal, BDSM, alternative lifestyles, whatever... But this part was thrown in gratuitously just to paint a nasty picture to the readers, when the fact that the dude will give oral sex and the wife won't is plenty exemplary of a messed up mormon mindset as it is.

The phrase "blow job" wasn't even in the post I was responding to. Threading here is confusing, but makes a lot of sense out of the replies if you keep an eye on it.

I find her marrying a gay man and having 4 children with him unnecessary.

I find her homophobia unnecessary too.

I find her getting on her SIL's case about not finishing school unnecessary especially considering she didn't finish school herself.

WinksWinks Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Come now, this phrase was completely unnecessary
> to the whole point:
> "And she's a big woman. And she smells foul there
> too according to her DH."
>
> I have nothing against blow jobs, anal, BDSM,
> alternative lifestyles, whatever... But this part
> was thrown in gratuitously just to paint a nasty
> picture to the readers, when the fact that the
> dude will give oral sex and the wife won't is
> plenty exemplary of a messed up mormon mindset as
> it is.
>
> The phrase "blow job" wasn't even in the post I
> was responding to. Threading here is confusing,
> but makes a lot of sense out of the replies if you
> keep an eye on it.

Now those are much more valid criticisms than what amounts to, "She's fat and smells bad!" :)
There's no need to stoop to playground insults when you can criticize bigoted behaviors and hypocrisy.

WinksWinks Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Now those are much more valid criticisms than what
> amounts to, "She's fat and smells bad!" :)
> There's no need to stoop to playground insults
> when you can criticize bigoted behaviors and
> hypocrisy.


Pardon me, I'm releasing a little steam towards this person no one knows here. While she's teaching her children to laugh at the pro-gay club at her daughter's high school.

We're still not even.

Okay, somehow I missed that "fat, smells bad part", and it is never nice to call someone fat.

However, I was a L and D nurse for many years, and heavy women that do not bathe or shower regularly develop this stuff in the crevaces of the space between their legs and groin that looks and feels exactly like cream cheese and it stinks to high heaven.

I used to nearly die when I had to deliver a woman like that. So, yeah, it may be gross, but it can be real, and honestly, it is far grosser and stinkier than you can imagine. Maybe she just does not have good hygiene.

Sorry, did not to make you sick there, but I have seen the cream cheese thing up to 1" think. barf.

BTW, I just looked up and he called NO one fat, just mentioned she was a big woman. Why be so sensitive, there are lots of big women, it wasn't like he said "she is a fat pig" or even close. I will stand with our newcomer.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2011 06:01PM by think4u.

LOL of course you will! :)

I do believe I would have had to commit suicide if I ever did anything to confess for--which scared me "straight." I am someone who can't lie because my body language gives me away.

Then I got into the situation with my ex--in order to get married, we went through hours and hours of bishopric counseling sessions. I about lost my mind. One of the reasons I married who I did is to get those bunch of perverted voyeur mormon leaders out of our lives.

I'm not offended, this kind of stuff would come up in my interviews as well and I felt bad about lying about the petty things in high school and when I actually did have sex in college and confessed, I wasn't kicked out of BYU-I. I thought for sure I would be kicked out of that school, just a year short of graduation. I felt that bad...soooo pathetic! I remember a lot of my teen friends saying that it's "against the rules" when you are married to have oral sex. I remember them saying that won't fly in my house and I was thinking the same. This thread is relevant because the church is super invasive and ultra controlling. It doesn’t make you feel natural and I think stunted my growth as a human being for a while. I am with you on whoever wrote about the lies they try and cover up in church history so why do I have to confess my so-called sins to someone who probably loves hearing the juicy details and loves drama. I think you should just teach your kids to be responsible and let them know that they are the ones that have to live with it so be wise. I think that would have been a lot better parenting for me. I lived in fear for sure.