I'm a frequent lurker here, and I've never really felt a need to post until now.

I'm currently in my first year of college, and learned about the real history of the church about a month before leaving. When I first moved into my apartment my mom took me to the ward here so I would know people when I went again by myself. Everyone in my family has left the church except for her, and I don't have the heart to tell her that I don't believe either. Anyway, when I was in that ward they got all my information to transfer my records. I haven't been back since then, and now they constantly call me and leave me messages. I never answer or call them back. They've come by on a few occasions but I've either not been home or just didn't answer the door.
Yesterday I was expecting someone, so when there was a knock on my door I was pissed when it turned out to be the missionaries. They asked the usual things like "is there anything we can do for you" and all that good stuff. Then they went on to ask me what they can do to get me to go back to church and if I would be going on Sunday. I didn't really know what to say to them, so I just gave vague answers and told them I would be busy on Sunday.
I know they will be back (especially since I could tell they were excited to be talking to a girl around their age), but I need advice on what to say to them when that happens. I don't want to be rude and I don't want to say anything that will make it sound like I will come back to church.
I would resign but I don't want my mom to get hurt if she ever found out.
Also, if anyone has any advice on what to do about members stopping by unexpectedly that would help too. I have roommates and I'm sure they don't appreciate the random visitors.

I'd make it clear to my friends and anyone else I WANTED to see that I don't EVER open the door if I'm not expecting someone. Then don't.

Hopefully the people you DO want to see all have cell phones and can call you if they forget your policy and encounter the "unopening door"?

Just a suggestion. This works very well for me (I'm still on the membership rolls, too).

Tell the missionaries that you're inactive right now, and have no desire to attend church or to be contacted by anyone at church. Should your status change, you know the way there, but right now the official visits are a massive turn-off to both you and your roommates.

Repeat the same thing in a letter to your bishop. You went once to please your mom, but have no interest at present in attending church or being contacted by people from church. Ask him to put you on a "do not visit/no church contact" list.

Repeat as needed to anyone else who stops by. If the same people continue to visit, look them in the eye, do not smile, and ask them what it was exactly about "do not visit" that was unclear to them.

Thanks for the advice! Is there a way I can find out who the bishop is and where to send a letter without talking to any ward members?

They will transfer you to member records, and you can get his phone number, address, and the same for the ward. (801) 240-1000

I called and they only gave me a phone number and said there was no address or e-mail available. Would it be ok to send a letter to the address of the chapel addressed to the bishop?

There are no mailboxes at ward houses.

All mail must be dropped off in person or sent to the bishop's home address which is usually listed in the Yellow Pages under churches with your local LDS ward bishop's name. If you can't find it, ask the guys who are bothering you at your door or phone the number you have and ask for the address.

Mine works: NO SOLICITATION (This includes religious organizations)

It even scares away the Boy Scouts from the church who must think they're a religious organization.

I agree with Summer, if you can't resign, you're going to have to be direct and firm with the Mormons who are popping in on you.

I spent 10 years avoiding them, and they never quit. I never once answered my door when they knocked, never once answered the phone, never once acknowledged the love bombing crap they left on the doorstep. Resigning finally did it for me.

You're going to ahve to quit being vague when they ask. These people are just pesky, pushy strangers, why are you worried about hurting their feelings? Come right out and say no, I'm not going to church. No you can't do anything for me except stay off my doorstep. No. No. No. No. Saying no is not rude, as much as we've been brainwashed to believe that. Just be firm but polite. No. No. No. No. Practice it if you need to. ;-)

women were.

Life is full of people who want something from you. It is imperative to learn to say no forcefully. It may take some practice in front of the mirror with different scripts.

You don't have to listen to anything these predators say. You don't have to smile and nod. You are involved in a business transaction with them. They want a piece of you. You aren't giving it. No excuses, no making them feel better. You have to be ready for any human transaction to turn from polite and friendly to cold and impersonal.

Mormons are perfect to practice on. By the time you have your routine down pat, they might just leave.

What Summer said.

Plus if they revert to "Why" questions tell them it's personal and you don't discuss personal things with strangers.

As they leave tell them if they really want to know,to go home and pray to God about it as he's supposed to have all the answer to everything. If they're faithful enough they'll get their answers. If not well...

"I'm surprised that you'd show up like this. I'm busy and not interested in talking to you. Please don't let this happen again. Goodbye."

Practice this and be ready for them as they like to ambush you when you least expect it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2010 10:23PM by Cheryl.

You have nothing to defend. THEY are the ones rude enough to show up uninvited at your door!

Do not get into a conversation. Make your point and close your door!

feed them, be kind, and tell them you no longer believe.This seems to be more your style. Share your testimony of the freedom of embracing your spirituality differently.I handled it that way and ended up on the no-contact list. There is just something very threatening about those nice exmos.

This isn't about style. It's about substance.

Feed them? Not if the point is to discourage them from ever returning!

How passive/aggressive to say and do the opposite of what you think and feel. Very inauthentic and dishonest.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2010 10:21PM by Cheryl.

No Thank You.

Or you can say what we say when confronted-
"We don't go to that church anymore."

Nothing kills a contact effort like that does.

I don't go to *your* church anymore.

The LDS Church systematically deceived you (and millions of other people) and psychologically coerced you to hand over ('donate') at least 10% of your allowance, money gifts, wages, etc. To deceive naive, trusting people and coerce them to pay is unethical, immoral and illegal. Mormonism is cultic. Your 'brainwashed' mother won't recognize this fact because, well, she's been 'programmed' by the Morg. If you want to fully educate yourself about the fraud known as Mormonism, search for posts (with links) done by me on this board and on www.postmormon.org (I post there as CdnXMo).

One of my posts discusses the quote from LDS Apostle Russell Nelson (from his Ensign article in July 1993) about JS using his hat and rock - a 'seer' stone (in his hat) - to 'translate' the BoM. The quote blows Latter-day Saints away mentally because the church doesn't teach this 'true' aspect of Mormon history, yet there it is. If you want to learn more, search for the details. Next time the mishies come around, show it to them and ask them why the LDS Church doesn't teach members and investigators about JS' rock/stone-in-hat BoM 'translation' technique.

Good luck!

tell 'em you're happy being inactive and if you feel too much pressure you'll resign

When I used to get bothered by visitors, I would just ask "...so, what is different and new about the teachings of the Mormon church since the last time I was there?..." This always gives them pause, so while they are thinking I go on " Listen,..I know where the chapel is, if I wanted to, I could get there without your help,...Have a nice day!" and shut the door. I promise you they will leave.

If I got visited a 2nd time by same people(only happened once)I was much more rude, but the above way let them know, "I already know everything you are about to say, and I'm not interested".

p.s. (just for laughs)You mentioned that the mishies were excited to talk to a girl their age. Start hitting on them. If they respond to it, the MP will declare you off limits(and you will be left alone), if they don't they will be offended, or think you are a temptation from Satan(and you will be left alone)

If the contact continues, send an email to the bishop telling him you will not accept visits or phone calls.

This is gutsy, and probably not your style, but this is what I did when we had a couple of obnoxious elders calling and coming by when told not to.

My Door Sign to keep Mormons away:



NOTICE:

I am under no obligation to:
avoid all loud laughter,
lightmindedness,
evil speaking of the lords anointed
or any other impure or unholy practice

Enter at you own risk
Rachel, My New Name

(Big Smiley Face here!)

I put it on the inside of the window in my door then I watched the Mormons that came to my door read it! It was priceless.

For those that have been to the temple, this statement is from The Law of the Gospel, one of the temple covenants. As the temple is so sacred it is not to be discussed, seeing this statement on a door can be quite a shock! And humorous.


Law of the Gospel: We are required to give unto you the Law of the Gospel as contained in the Holy Scriptures; to give unto you also a charge to avoid all lightmindedness, loud laughter, evil speaking of the Lord's anointed, the taking of the name of God in vain, and every other unholy and impure practice, and to cause you to receive these by covenant.

REST HERE:
http://www.lds4u.com/lesson5/templecovenants.htm

Answer the door naked. That usually stops them. If it was general authority they would probably just walk in.

I agree with "get her done" although on a different scale.

The fact that you are a young female seems to be part of the equation in them coming to visit. Use that to your advantage.

The church uses "righteous females" to attact these young missionaries to serve a mission so they can come home and get one of them.

You can use the same approach in reverse. Use that power as an influence on them in the opposite direction. In other words, use it to help them realize that there are females around who do not want a returned missionary. Help them understand that they could leave the LDS church behind and find a suitable mate who not only would not care if they were a missionary but hoped that they would vanquish every bit of influence it ever had on them.

You really could have some fun with this if you wanted. Every problem you encounter has a hidden opportunity waiting for you to take advantage of. We often just miss it because of the effect it seems to be having on us. We often forget where the the person who is applying the pressure is coming from and where their strengths and weaknesses lie.

your sexuality to get what you want. :P I thought we were above the sexism here? The morg teaches women to be passive and treats them like objects. Please don't re-enforce that here.

There is nothing wrong with telling them not to contact you. You will eventually need to learn how to be assertive with your own mother and express to her that you are now an adult and an individual and don't share her beliefs.

just drop a note into one of those little tithing envelopes pre-addressed to the bish as you drive by one day.

I called SLC and they only gave me a phone number and said there was no address or e-mail available. Would it be ok to send a letter to the address of the chapel addressed to the bishop?

And I mean extremely rude or they just won't get it.

I wouldn't call hanging a sign on the door and hiding in your house "being firm." You are the monarch of your castle and don't have to tolerate such nonsense. You set the rules. If they do not wish to abide by your rules, then you are well within your domain to call the guards (police).

Bark as loudly and as rudely as you wish. Inevitably, they'll ask why you're being such an ass. Respond by asking them if it was you who came by their place unannounced and disrupted whatever it was they were doing. When they say "no" ask them, "So who's actually being the ass here?"

Works like a charm and you'll feel better about yourself.

Promise!

Timothy

Tell them the only reason you are mormon is so that you won't hurt your mother, otherwise you don't believe in it and never will. So you won't be going back to church. Have a nice day.

suckafoo is right. It can be as simple as that. And mom's are big people. I know a daughter who hurt her MOM....me. She converted to Mormonism. It can work the other way and she- your mom- will adjust. I just remain hopeful one day my daughter will wise up. For now I am not happy with her decision but we just do not talk about it.

People can send the miss's after you, but I haven't ever heard that the missions report back to the "referror".

So here's the deal: You will get the missionaries off your back by being very direct (read: rude). This is a skill that you, as a young person, actually need to learn. Directness is not, in reality, rude. It is simply direct. There are no social flowers in directness. Well, so what?

So, tell those missionaries that you want them to not come near your door again and that you would like that information commumincated directly back to the applicable ward, if they have that level of communication within their capabilities (they HATE IT when you question their database and communication abilities).

Best wishes. You are entering a new phase of your life!

(NOTE: The way I got mishies from visiting us was asking them with great ridicule, "Don't you guys communicate with each other???? I've asked the local ward SEVEN TIMES not to conctact us, and now here you two stand on my porch. What kind of communications system do you have???")

I struggle with confrontation. Huge understatement. However, the last time Missionaries came to my door I treated them very kindly. I had a brother who went on a mission and I have always had a soft spot for Missionaries. I told them how sorry I felt for poor missionaries like them who are away from their families. Although I do not believe in their church, I know and love many people who do. I must have come across as either condescending or a concerned big sister, I am not sure which. But either way, they have not come back since. {knock on wood}