Hello, I am 17 (18 in a few months)and found out the history of the church about 6 months ago after my interest got sparked in a college religion class. I have a dad who is a true blue mormon and a mom who is in the religion because it makes her "HAPPY". My mom has a problem with polygamy, but doesn't acknowledge anything else. When I tell my dad about historical problems in the church he just responds with very bad apologetic answers.

I still live with my parents and will for about 8 more months. I go to church in respect to them because I am living in their house. I have always been willing to go to church and never complain. When I start my junior year of college I plan on leaving the church when I am off on my own. I have expressed to my parents my concerns with this church and it is very apparent that I don't believe. My dad always makes comments like when you go on your mission, and things like that. I tell him I am not planning on going on a mission.

I don't want to get indoctrinated and be forced to accept a religion because I am on a mission. I am scared that if I make any major religous choices that they don't approve of then they won't financially help me out anymore. Whenever I go to church or seminary it makes me sick hearing about the sugar coated history. I literally want to throw up in my mouth. I also can't stand testimony meeting when every gets up and says "I know the church is true".

Also when I bring something up to my dad he will often make comments like, do you think your smarter than me? He always makes comments like if I am right then he must be wrong. I tell him that I am entitled to my opinion and we can both have our freedom of religion. I also say not everyone who believes something different is necessarily stupid. My dad often makes comments like if I leave the church I will become an alcoholic and have no morals. He thinks that morals don't exist outside of this church.

My question is, what is the best way to deal with this situation. Should I tell them I am going to church when I move out when I really am not? I am hesitant to do this because I don't want to lead them on and make it some big surprise when I don't go on a mission. I could quit going to church all together when I move out, but this may cause some major family tension. I am in a very tough spot because my parents have been in this religion their whole life and they can't even imagine it not being true. I would very much appreciate some opinions. Also I have about 12 aunts and uncles and none of them left the church. And about 60 cousins and everyone of them who has been old enough to go on a mission has (even the girls). Please give me some advice.

Thanks!

First of all, it makes me smile to read your story because I know I know i'm not alone, and you're not alone either. I'm going through the same thing, brother. I applaud you for having the balls to stand up to your parents and stick to what you believe and what you have studied and researched.

As for the whole dealing with your parents thing, just keep doing what you're doing. Don't stop searching for answers, and don't let your family tell you what to believe. That's been the hardest thing for me. You're going to have to deal with lame apologetic answers and guilt trips for some time. Just stand up for what you believe and never let them dissuade you into adopting mormon beliefs and culture.

You're in a good spot, for being only 17. You have made it clear that you are not going to serve a mission. I am 19, had my call all ready to go a few months before I found out about the church. It's been brutal.

You strike me as someone who is obviously smart, knows what you want, and is strong in what you want to do. Remember, it's your life. You're going to be 18. An adult. You can make rational decisions on your own. The guilt from your family may be intense, but just remember that you have a gift of knowledge of the real world.

Best of luck.

Thanks so much rallychild! This has been the first time I have ever posted anything or even had the chance to talk to people who have left the church because of this history. It means a lot to know that someone as young as you can relate to me. It seems like most people don't get exposed to it until around mid 30s. Thanks so much and good luck dealing with your family also. I think we are in the same situation.

I have a similiar situation with rallychild. I am 19 too, almost went on mission, but got out of it. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Goodluck.

don't go on a mission but walk the tight rope until you don't need their money for college any more.

Papa is dangerous and is acting out his side of the Oedipus conflict, "What boy, you think you're smarter than big, powerful me?" Be careful until you are in a position where he can no longer hurt you.

After being a faithful member for over 35 years, I discovered the like and went to church for another 5 years as the father of four children before exiting completely. It took another 7 years to write the letter of resignation.

Take your time, don't do anything rash... You can work yourself our gradually, with dignity. If the church can lie to you, you can lie to them. You can pretend to believe for a while, you can. Take it for all that its worth and then leave it behind when the time is right.

It doesn't have to be a huge dramatic event where people become upset and try to bring you back or use their power to force you back. Get to a place where you have your own power to make your decisions. Gather around friends who accept you for who you are. Become who you are, focus on that, and pursue your own happiness.

Good luck and may the force be with you.







wcg, blating off.

And now you have to figure out how to deal with your parents. Your dad has an arrogant attitude. Apparently, he assumes that it's somehow presumptuous for you to think for yourself and not just agree with him.

Honestly, my first reaction is that he seems controlling, possibly manipulative. I think there are some really good books out there on learning how to respond to people like that, either by setting boundaries (limit the information you give them, limit them dumping on you emotionally, and possibly even limiting contact if they get bad), or learning to recognize and respond to their manipulative techniques. Patrica Evans has some good books on that. When I read her books it was surprising to me how pervasive the manipulative/emotionally abusive techniques outlined in her books in LDS society. That was MUCH harder to recover from than false doctrine.

Don't waste your time bringing up your doctrinal concerns with your father. His goal is to come off as being “right” regardless of history or facts! You will “lose” no matter what.

While you are still financially dependent, the best thing is to maintain a low profile.

DO NOT go on a mission when you don't believe in the church. If you can hardly bear having to sit through church meetings and seminary now, how could you face trying to persuade strangers to join?

You do not need to decide right now about activity versus inactivity for when you move out. If they push you when the time approaches, tell them you are going to get settled in your new place first.

Good luck, jwood. And welcome to the board!

Yo jwood! Looks like we're in the same spot too! Like you, I'm 15 and because I'm a dude, my parents expect me to go on a mission. Like you, I have found out the facts of Mormonism and am trying to do what little I can. Oddly enough, both my parents feel the same way about Mormonism as yours, but understandably, my dad has strong faith as he's seen many miracles occur in his life since being a member. I too agree that some of the stuff he's been through is a miracle, but it doesn't change the fact that TSCC was built on lies, promiscuity, and greed.

Personally, I am planning on writing a paper on the truth of Mormonism and how I feel about it, then presenting it to my parents. But that's later down the road; right now I'm trying to cope with living a double life... Going to church, early morning seminary; all these things just to appear like one of "them". I understand the pressure's on you more, as you'll be 18 soon. The best option at this point for you would be: study up. Become well-versed in all aspects of church history, including knowledge of the apologetic arguments, and sit down with your parents one night and try to present this to them. Heck, even tell them that you've read the BoM (if you have) and that you prayed and got nothing or just a strong feeling that it's false. The point is that you can only keep your head low for so long; the time is coming close that you must stand up and be a man.

If you stand strong and let your own moral compass and self-integrity guide you, someday you WILL be out of the cult and you WILL be HAPPY. Good luck!

I think you should actively try not to engage about religion with your father. You need someone to talk to about your evolving religious view, talk to your friends, or talk to us (there is no shortage of opinions here!). You don't say where you live, but if you're not in a heavily Mormon area things will be easier. Make a point of acquiring some non-mormon friends who have "morals" your parents would approve of. Don't do anything that would validate your fathers concerns about your all of a sudden losing your morals. The best "revenge" (for lack of a better word) is a successful happy life free of the church.

I assume that when you move out that they will still be supporting you financially? If so, then you may have to do certain things to keep them happy, but going on a mission is not one of them.

I would try to get into a college that is far enough away that their influence will be lessened. Go for scholarships, etc.

On your 18th birthday, as a present to yourself, open your own savings account which will be yours soley. Use this as a place to stash funds, you will likely need in the future.

There may also be closet doubters in your family. Several of my sibs have gone through this process on their own, only to find that some of the older kids have gone through the same steps. You making a life for yourself without the church may give others courage to do what they haven't gained the courage yet to do.

Summary:
1. Don't engage. Talk to your father about anything else
2. Do all you can to be financially independent

Good luck and post here often,
Rebecca

I made my intention to rebel quite clear by the time I was old enough. My family didn't have any money to spare to help with my expenses so I was on my own anyway. That part of my situation made it easier than yours. I was free to do as I pleased when I moved out and I did just that.

I wish I could say our relationship eased noticeably but we're 13 years out and the religion question is still tense. I still get "I'm your father and I know best." If you need their support to make it then I'd tread carefully, otherwise why wait any longer?

No minds are going to be changed, and a lot of feelings get hurt.

Never bring up religion. When they bring up topics, play a game where you format the subject to some ethical issue anyone can agree with.

Tell them you will keep looking at it. Smuggle unapproved books into sacrament meeting in the covers of Mormon books your parents probably have around.

Keep your head down, except a few times a year when missions come up because you must NOT do that. But you don't have to fight about it every time it comes up.

Focus on the long term goal - getting financially independent of them in a few years. Don't let anything get in the way.

Your situation sounds exactly like mine 13 years ago. I too took college classes in place of my last 2 years of high school. Found out the truth about the church taking history classes. This was the last thing I was expecting to happen. I thought my parents would cut me off too.

My advice is to keep a low profile. My parents never did cut me off, but that doesn't mean it won't happen to you. You can always get student loans if they do that to you. You will already have 2 years behind you and you are not starting from scratch. Try not to rock the boat with your family. You can stick to your beliefs without getting into arguments. Avoid confrontation as much as possible. You can wait to do this when you are out on your own for a while and not financially vulnerable.

I made the mistake of rushing through college fearing that my dad would cut me off. Trying to figure out life as an ex Mormon overshadowed my studies at college. It kept me from studying what I really love and I regret it now. As hard as this is, don't let being an ex Mormon take over your life. Study what you are passionate about and try your best to put this behind you. You sound like a smart kid. You will do great!

Thanks so much for the information guys! I really like some of the ideas discussed. Some information people were wondering is. I live in Utah so I am around a lot of mormons. I have stashed about 2 thousand dollars. I have a job where I make 13 dollars an hour, but I only get about 10 hours a week. I have a scholorship for 50% off tuition to any college in Utah.

Whichever college you decide to attend, I suggest you discuss potential emancipation with your financial aid advisor. Typically, unless you are married, your parents have to sign off on your student loans until you are 24. This means you'll need their signature, obviously, and access to their tax returns, etc. If you are emancipated, all aid is based on you, and you only. If your parents won't support college if you don't go on a mission, you are going to need to get emancipated in order to afford college if you need financial aid (which you will). It is better to find out if your situation meets an emancipation criteria (religious persecution? I can't think of a better term, but I know one exists), it would be better to anticipate the worst ahead of time and get all the papers ready to file if the worst happens. The process is a hassle, and a lengthy one. I had to go through it, and it was very unpleasant. I wish I had known about it and prepared before I needed it, it's easier to get guidance when you are not in hysterical "I need this solved yesterday" mode.

Do not rock the boat now. Your parents don't need to know about your lack of belief at this point, it will only lead to a very bad place now while you are reliant on them.

I agree with others who say open your own bank account as soon as you are able. Pursue scholarships (there's a whole lot of non-traditional, low-competition scholarships that take work, like essays, but are worth seeking out besides the traditional ones). Plan for your own independence.

While you are still under your parent's roof and beholden to them for money, just go along and tune out at church, tune out discussion of religious things. Just don't rock the boat. Be the model TBM on the outside - it's not for much longer, and it will make the next part of the plan much easier:

DO NOT GO ON A MISSION. Start right now discussing how it is your dream to graduate before CONSIDERING a mission. You want to finish college, you have a fear that you won't finish after taking two years off, you fear your scholarships won't be held, you want to be able to have and prepare for a family AFTER you have a degree, keep talking about how important it is for you, for your self worth, to stave off anxiety about your future, etc. for you to finish school before contemplating a mission. Tell them that you know it is the routine to marry a few months after you return, and in this economy you just can't even imagine finishing school (with good grades) and raising a family at the same time. School, then mission, and remind them that it makes little difference in your spiritual progression whether you go at 19 or 21, so you will only consider (consider being the key term, since you are not agreeing to a mission, you are only vowing to CONSIDER a mission at that point) a mission after you graduate. Keep saying that like a mantra, if you are acting like a model mormon at the same time, nobody will be suspicious even though they might not approve of your non-traditional path.

Once you graduate, the world is yours, get a job, line up a good job, an internship, a stint in the peace corps, acceptance to grad school, any type of commitment, BEFORE you graduate. Then you will have the freedom to say "a mission just isn't for me, I can be a good, moral person without going on a mission, sorry to disappoint you but there are worse things than going. I just don't believe I am emotionally able to fulfill that commitment, it just isn't for me" there is nothing they can do to you at this point. You will be an independent adult with a college education and, hopefully, a career path or great post-graduation options.

At that point, you can ease off church or tell your parents about your disbelief, you will have all the freedom in the world to do so. You just have to keep reminding yourself that remaining tight lipped and going to church for now will pay off in the long run. It is a small sacrifice to meet your goals.

I might advise differently if you were already an adult, out of your parent's house, but I think you have to play this one wisely. This situation will not end well no matter which way you slice it, but when would you prefer to get into the confrontation, now? Or when you are already an adult with an education behind you?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2010 11:32PM by wittyname.

I would prevaricate if at all possible. Just say, "I want to focus on my schooling right now," or "This scholarship (or this opportunity, or whatever) is just too good to pass up."

Lots of college-age kids lead double lives. They live the lives they intend to lead on campus (including not attending church,) and then go home at semester break and fall back into the family routine. I would say this is more normal than not.

Avoid debating religion with your dad. He's engaged in black/white thinking, and there's no arguing with that.

Whatever he says about religion, I would reflect back to him (like a mirror) in a non-judgmental way. If he starts to talk to you about going on a mission, respond back that he seems to value what he got out of his own mission. If he asks about your church attendance, say that it could be better, but you've noticed that he has had excellent church attendance over the years. Put the focus back on him and validate his experience as much as you can. Sooner or later it will dawn on him that at the same time that you are validating his spiritual path, you are choosing an entirely different path.

You sound very mature and seem to be sure of your beliefs. I agree that you should stay Mormon while in your parent's house. But after that your life is YOURS. It doesn't matter what they or your cousins or aunts nad uncles think. Be true to yourself and you will never be unhappy. It will be hard if you get shunned but pretending is not wise. You need to find out what you do believe though and you will have time to do that. Are you still a believer in JC, are you an agnostic, an atheist??? Take your time and I am glad you already told your dad you are not going on a mission. A person with your knowledge should not be converting people to a fraudulent religion.

JS was a pedophile, a man with no integrity and a thief and liar. Just tell those who ask that you read a lot and know the truth and no longer want to be associated with the LDS church. Do not lie about anything once you are out of your parent's home and ease away from all attendance once you are 18. You need to be strong and you don't have to be worried. The higher ups have nothing on you. YOU are informed and wish to rid yourself of the cult....they have chosen to stay in it. They are the losers not you.

Thanks so much! I personally still believe in god. I first strongly questioned a god after finding out about the truth. I just believe that there is a god but he doesn't have influence on man. And that all the religions, christianity, budhism, hinduism as long as they teach good are the right religions.

There are a lot of us that are quite young here. I'm 23 which is a bit older than you, but I discovered the church was a fraud two years ago. My suggestion is to tread lightly. I took it slow with my family and in fact, most of my extended family just assumes I'm a Jack Mormon. I think it's important to decide how you want to balance your beliefs and your family life. It is important to be true to yourself, but I believe that you can do that without having to burn bridges.

Its important that you find you and do what makes you happy. I do strongly suggest not going to BYU.

I feel for you, jwood. When I told my parents about my doubts (although a more correct word would have been disbelief), they said exactly the same thing. They even told me that I was arrogant for thinking that I knew better than they did. I was hurt by it and the tension is still there.

I found it helpful to consider their view. If you think about it, all they know is church. They are afraid that the person they love the most (you) is going to hell. I remember when I first discovered that the LDS church was a fraud, I was heartbroken for my parents. So they might be manipulative and hurtful - they don't know how else to deal with this fear. It really helped me to deal with their difficulties thinking this way.

Elise

Alright, here is what has worked for me, and it happens to be true too. I basically state that I understand that they are happy as mormons, but that I personally came to the realization that my deep internal concept of god doesn't match the mormon concept of god. In a way, you are letting them in on a dilemma of conscience without attacking their beliefs at all. Basically, it is very hard to argue with someone about their personal internal experience.

As far as your parents getting all worried about you and putting on the pressure, I think deep down they are sincerely worried about your spiritual welfare and mormonism is the only thing they understand. So it would probably be helpful if you began attending a nice church that is uplifting to you in a benign way and doesn't demand a bunch of baloney like mormonism does. If they see that you are on a spiritual path, they will probably relax a little. Just don't get into the particulars about mormonism.

If they ask questions about your personal god-concept, you can say something like, "well, for one thing, in my heart I just don't feel that Jesus prepared heaven with polygamy in it." This will actually make your mother's heart leap for joy. Deep inside she is very wounded by this concept, and the idea that Jesus wouldn't author such a concept lets in a ray of hope. She will probably secretly think you are more spiritual than your father. And how is your father going to respond if you make a statement like that? Especially if your mother happens to be present, which is what I would recommend by the way.

It's your constitutional right to not participate in ANY church/religion, regardless of your age. If your TBM father or mother try the standard Mormon tactic of guilt-trips and/or fear-trips, call them on it. You don't have to think like them, act like them, or do with your life what they - 'brainwashed' Mormons - believe is 'the will of God' for you. They don't. No one does, including the local bishop and other church leaders all the way up to the so-called Mormon 'prophets' in SLC.

You're not obliged to mentally regurgitate LDS 'spiritual' beliefs and Morg doctrines and teachings. You're FREE to think 100% for yourself and act accordingly. You have the right to investigate and learn the FULL truth about Joseph Smith, early church history, the BoM, and other key and foundational aspects of Mo-ism, which you're not going to get from your 'brainwashed' parents, other Mormons or the chronically dishonest LDS Church.

Check out the text and links below from a post I did earlier this year. There's TONS of facts to learn and file away.

We teach people how to treat us. In the context of Mo-ism, if tolerate Latter-day Saints' nonsensical religious thinking, they'll just keep dumping it on you. You don't have to tolerate ANY OF IT! Put an end to it whenever you CHOOSE. I strongly suggest that you resign from the Morg. Greg Dodge (in SLC) is in charge of the LDS Church's membership dept. You can e-mail him at dodgegw@ldschurch.org and TELL him - it's NOT a request, it's an INSTRUCTION to him from you - to terminate/end your church membership. Ex-Mormon and retired lawyer Richard Packham provides more info. about resigning from the Mormon Church at http://home.teleport.com/~packham/leaving.htm

Best wishes!

Here's the text and links I mentioned:

"It is error only, and not truth, that shrinks from inquiry." -- Thomas Paine, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, intellectual, philosopher, and writer.

One of the best ways of cracking open Mormons' 'faith' is to reveal to them the fact that Joseph Smith (JS) was a liar, manipulator, adulterer and pedophile.

The LDS Church's section summary for D&C 132, the 'revelation' on polygamy written (down) by JS just over 166 years ago, says:

"Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Nauvoo, Illinois, recorded July 12, 1843, relating to the new and everlasting covenant, including the eternity of the marriage covenant, as also plurality of wives. HC 5: 501–507. Although the revelation was recorded in 1843, it is evident from the historical records that the doctrines and principles involved in this revelation had been known by the Prophet since 1831."

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132)

According to LDS scripture, two key polygamy "principles" were:

i. A Mormon priesthood holder could desire and marry only virgins who were "vowed to no other man" (i.e., not betrothed to a fiancée, or married).
ii. The first wife (Emma, in JS' case) had to give her consent to the plural marriage.

The scripture in question was D&C 132:61:

"And again, as pertaining to the law of the priesthood—if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and if he espouse the second, and they are virgins, and have vowed to no other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else."

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132/61#61)

In the case of 11 women that 'prophet' and Mormon Church president Joseph Smith made his plural wives, they were already vowed to their husband, and as married women, certainly not virgins (ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/).

"...for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else." The 11 women belonged to their husband.

JS committed adultery at least 11 times (12, actually, when you include his extra-marital affair with teenager Fanny Alger, servant girl in the Smith home; ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/02-FannyAlger.htm).

The LDS Church has a partial list of the married women, single women, and teenage girls that JS made his plural wives on the church's genealogy website at http://www.familysearch.org/eng/default.asp

Enter Smith's first and last name, birth year (1805) and birth place (Vermont, United States). Click on Search. Then click on the underlined Joseph Smith (Ancestral File 1). Scroll down to see the partial list of his plural wives. Note when he (at age 37) married Helen Mar Kimball (May 1843) and her age by clicking on her name (she was just 14).

JS' marriage to Fanny Alger can be viewed on the church's FamilySearch.org website by entering her first and last name, marriage year to JS (1835) and selecting "United States" and "Ohio" from the drop-down menus, and clicking on Search, then continuing from there.

Why did Joseph Smith make married women his plural wives - committing adultery in the process - when the Lord forbade it, and did so not just once or twice, but 11 times? Why wasn't he excommunicated for adultery?

The Mormon Church and LDS 'prophets' have taught for generations that adultery is a 'sin' next to murder and any church member who has committed adultery does not have the Holy Ghost with him/her and cannot receive revelation from God.

JS disobeyed the 'revealed' word of God (directly to him, no less) every time he desired, pursued and married a married Mormon woman. In the case of at least one of them, Sylvia Lyon (married to Windsor Lyon), JS fathered her daughter:

“On January 27, 1844 her [Sylvia’s] only surviving child, Philofreen, also died. At this time, Sylvia was eight months pregnant with her fourth child, Josephine Rosetta Lyon. Josephine later wrote, “Just prior to my mothers death in 1882 she called me to her bedside and told me that her days were numbered and before she passed away from mortality she desired to tell me something which she had kept as an entire secret from me and from all others but which she now desired to communicate to me. She then told me that I was the daughter of the Prophet Joseph Smith”. (ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/08-SylviaSessionsLyon.htm)

In May 1843, JS made a 14-year-old, two 17-year-olds and a 19-year-old his plural wives. The 14-year-old, Helen Mar Kimball, was his youngest-yet plural wife, as the genealogy data on the list of JS' plural wives on FamilySearch.org shows.

One wonders why, of all the single women in Nauvoo who were in their 20s and 30s, JS pursued and married teenage girls young enough to be his daughters and other men's wives.

On July 12, 1843, just two months after JS married the teenage girls mentioned above, he wrote down a 'divine' death threat ("threat of destruction") directed at his first and only legal wife, Emma (who was Relief Society president) if she didn't accept his plural wives, remain with him, "cleave unto" him, and accept polygamy. D&C 132:52 and 54:

52 And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those [plural wives] that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure [virgins] before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.

54 And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law [polygamy].

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132/52#54)

How extraordinarily convenient for JS that the Lord was willing to turn a blind eye to his adultery (no rebuke, no revelation that he should be excommunicated), and back him up in his practice of polygamy by threatening to kill (destroy) Emma if she didn't get on JS' polygamy 'wagon' pronto!

According to the 'revelation' on polygamy that JS wrote down on July 12, 1843, the reason for plural marriage was to get virgins pregnant so that they would bear children, thereby increasing God’s glory:

“But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified.”

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132/63#63)

In JS' day, the only way for Mormon women and teenage girls to "bear the souls of men" was to become pregnant through sexual intercourse (human artificial insemination wasn't developed until the 1940s).

Gaining access to females who could "multiply and replenish the earth" was important to JS. In the case of 16-year-old Lucy Walker, whose mother died after the Walker family converted to Mormonism and moved to Nauvoo in the spring of 1841, he separated the teenage girl from her father (by sending him away on a 2-year mission to the Eastern United States) and her surviving siblings (her sister, Lydia, had died only months before of “brain fever”) by placing her siblings with families in Nauvoo and ‘inviting’ the unsuspecting girl to live in the home of ‘the Prophet’ (himself).

“While living in the Smith home, Lucy remembers: “In the year 1842 President Joseph Smith sought an interview with me, and said, ‘I have a message for you, I have been commanded of God to take another wife, and you are the woman.’ My astonishment knew no bounds. This announcement was indeed a thunderbolt to me...He asked me if I believed him to be a Prophet of God. ‘Most assuredly I do I replied.’...He fully Explained to me the principle of plural or celestial marriage. Said this principle was again to be restored for the benefit of the human family. That it would prove an everlasting blessing to my father’s house.”

“What do you have to Say?” Joseph asked. “Nothing” Lucy replied, “How could I speak, or what would I say?” Joseph encouraged her to pray: “tempted and tortured beyond endureance until life was not desirable. Oh that the grave would kindly receive me that I might find rest on the bosom of my dear mother...Why – Why Should I be chosen from among thy daughters, Father I am only a child in years and experience. No mother to council; no father near to tell me what to do, in this trying hour. Oh let this bitter cup pass. And thus I prayed in the agony of my soul.”

Joseph told Lucy that the marriage would have to be secret, but that he would acknowledge her as his wife, “beyond the Rocky Mountains”. He then gave Lucy an ultimatum, “It is a command of God to you. I will give you untill to-morrow to decide this matter. If you reject this message the gate will be closed forever against you.”

“Lucy married Joseph on May 1, 1843. At the time, Emma was in St. Louis buying supplies for the Nauvoo hotel. Lucy remembers, “Emma Smith was not present and she did not consent to the marriage; she did not know anything about it at all.”’ (ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/23-LucyWalker.htm)

Not informing Emma of his latest plural marriage and first obtaining Emma’s consent was a violation of the Lord’s commandment to JS: “…if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent...for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else.”

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132/61#61).

Secretly marrying Lucy Walker was not the first time that JS did not obtain Emma’s consent (she discovered her husband and teenage servant girl Fanny Alger having sex in the barn and complained to Mormon Apostle Oliver Cowdery, Joseph’s second cousin and BoM scribe, about her husband’s extra-marital affair; Fanny was sent away by Emma because the teenage girl was “was unable to conceal the consequences of her celestial relation with the prophet”, in other words, Fanny’s swelling womb; ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/02-FannyAlger.htm).

2. In the BoM, in Jacob 2:24, it says:

"Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord."
(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/jacob/2/24#24)

However, in the 'revelation' on polygamy that Joseph Smith wrote down on July 12, 1843, it says (in verse 1):

"Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you my servant Joseph, that inasmuch as you have inquired of my hand to know and understand wherein I, the Lord, justified my servants Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as also Moses, David and Solomon, my servants, as touching the principle and doctrine of their having many wives and concubines"
(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132)

How is it that in the BoM, the Lord, who according to scripture is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, condemned as "abominable" the practice of David and Solomon of having wives and concubines, but then contradicted himself in the 'revelation' on polygamy to JS by saying he "justified" (i.e., approved of) the practice?

Answer: When JS WROTE the BoM prior to its publication in 1830, he had only one wife: Emma. But in July 1843, when he wrote down the 'revelation' on polygamy that supposedly came from 'the Lord' (into his mind), he had several plural wives (ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/). In July 1843, Joseph Smith had forgotten what he wrote about David and Solomon and their practice of having wives and concubines 13+ years earlier.

3. Quote in LDS Apostle Russell Nelson's article, "A Treasured Testament", in the July 1993 Ensign (the article is online at www.lds.org; use the Search function to find it):

"Joseph Smith would put the seer stone into a hat, and put his face in the hat, drawing it closely around his face to exclude the light; and in the darkness the spiritual light would shine. A piece of something resembling parchment would appear, and on that appeared the writing. One character at a time would appear, and under it was the interpretation in English. Brother Joseph would read off the English to Oliver Cowdery, who was his principal scribe, and when it was written down and repeated to Brother Joseph to see if it was correct, then it would disappear, and another character with the interpretation would appear. Thus the Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of God, and not by any power of man."

Why hasn't the LDS Church taught members and potential converts about Smith's 'magical'-rock-and-hat BoM 'translation' technique? The answer is obvious: Who would remain a member and who would join if they knew the truth?!

Why were the gold plates even needed, since Joseph Smith's 'peep' stone clearly did the job as far as 'translating' the BoM is concerned?! The huge problem is that it says in the BoM (and LDS 'prophets' have taught for generations) that 'the Lord' commanded BoM 'prophets' to keep an account of what was going on during their lives as well as teachings and doctrines.

But according to the quote in Nelson's article, there was no gold plate in JS' hat, only the 'magical' rock ('seer' stone) that mysteriously emitted "something resembling parchment" upon which one character at a time would appear. There are 1,150,219 characters in the BoM, which means that it took JS nearly a year (at eight hours per day) of putting his face in his hat and calling out the characters to his scribe to 'translate' the BoM. Why don't church pictures show him doing so?

4. A Seer Stone and a Hat - "Translating" the Book of Mormon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPnu0bx3oWg

5. For generations, a fundamental Book of Mormon (BoM) 'truth' was the following: "Wherefore, it is an abridgment of the Record of the People of Nephi; and also of the Lamanites; written to the Lamanites, which are a remnant of the House of Israel;" (ref. http://www.inephi.com/1.htm).

However, in light of DNA evidence of the past 20 years that has consistently shown that the ancestors of Native Americans came from northeast Asia and not from ancient Israel/Judea, as described in the BoM, the LDS Church has officially abandoned its 'truth' - taught to millions of church members and potential converts since JS' day - that American Indians are Jewish in origin (via Laman and Lemuel, who came from Jerusalem with Lehi, Sariah, Laman, Lemuel, and other Jewish family members).

Here is what the Introduction of 19th- to 20th-century editions of the BoM, including the 1981 edition that many Latter-day Saints living today used in church and at home, said (emphasis in capital letters is mine):

"The Book of Mormon is a volume of holy scripture comparable to the Bible. It is a record of God’s dealings with the ancient inhabitants of the Americas and contains, as does the Bible, the fulness of the everlasting gospel.

The book was written by many ancient prophets by the spirit of prophecy and revelation. Their words, written on gold plates, were quoted and abridged by a prophet-historian named Mormon. The record gives an account of two great civilizations. One came from Jerusalem in 600 B.C., and afterward separated into two nations, known as the Nephites and the Lamanites. The other came much earlier when the Lord confounded the tongues at the Tower of Babel. This group is known as the Jaredites. After thousands of years, all were destroyed except the Lamanites, and they are the PRINCIPAL ancestors of the American Indians."

Here is what JS wrote in March 1842 in a letter to John Wentworth, editor and proprietor of the Chicago Democrat newspaper:

"In this important and interesting book the history of ancient America is unfolded, from its first settlement by a colony that came from the Tower of Babel at the confusion of languages to the beginning of the fifth century of the Christian era. We are informed by these records that America in ancient times has been inhabited by two distinct races of people. The first were called Jaredites and came directly from the Tower of Babel. The second race came directly from the city of Jerusalem about six hundred years before Christ. They were principally Israelites of the descendants of Joseph. The Jaredites were destroyed about the time that the Israelites came from Jerusalem, who succeeded them in the inheritance of the country. The principal nation of the second race fell in battle towards the close of the fourth century. The remnant are the Indians that now inhabit this country."

(ref. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=c26876e6ffe0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD)

Here is what the LDS Church is now saying (emphasis in capital letters is mine):

"The Book of Mormon is a volume of holy scripture comparable to the Bible. It is a record of God’s dealings with the ancient inhabitants of the Americas and contains, as does the Bible, the fulness of the everlasting gospel.

The book was written by many ancient prophets by the spirit of prophecy and revelation. Their words, written on gold plates, were quoted and abridged by a prophet-historian named Mormon. The record gives an account of two great civilizations. One came from Jerusalem in 600 B.C., and afterward separated into two nations, known as the Nephites and the Lamanites. The other came much earlier when the Lord confounded the tongues at the Tower of Babel. This group is known as the Jaredites. After thousands of years, all were destroyed except the Lamanites, and they are AMONG the ancestors of the American Indians."

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/bm/introduction)

"...among the ancestors of the American Indians" clearly implies that there were other ancient people(s) who were also the ancestors of Native Americans, which is, of course, exactly what scientists concluded (no evidence exists to support the Mormon idea of Jewish ancestry of American Indians).

The HUGE problem for the LDS Church is that for the BoM to be true, the ancestors of Native Americans have to be Jewish/come from ancient Israel/Jerusaleum, as described in the BoM."

The chief problem with Mormonism is that it doesn't stand up to scrutiny. Science has proven that the 'keystone' of the LDS religion, the Book of Mormon, is a work of fiction (see the links below for details). Mormonism founder Joseph Smith, Jr. repeatedly failed to relate and even write a reasonably consistent version of his so-called 'First Vision' experience (see the link below). JS kept getting his age, the place, what he saw, and other major elements of the 'First Vision' wrong. Rational people don’t believe a ‘witness’ who tells versions of their ‘true’ story that conflict with versions previously told by the individual. People who won’t use their critical thinking and scrutinize what they’ve been told often do believe ‘charismatic’ types.

According to LDS Church presidents Ezra Benson and Gordon Hinckley in Gen. Conf. talks in Oct. 1986 and Oct. 2002 (online at www.lds.org), Mormonism stands or falls on the BoM being true (historically and in all other respects) and the First Vision having taken place (as per the official church version that has been taught to millions of members and potential converts). The facts are clear: Mormonism falls (the websites linked below provide many of these facts).

All religions, including Mo-ism, are the product of people's imagination (Joseph Smith, in the case of the Mormon religion, with 'spiritual' ideas from other Mormon 'prophets' being layered on during the past 7-8 generations since 1830).

You're not obliged to mentally regurgitate other people's 'spiritual' ideas, what they believe and feel is 'true', and demonstrable nonsense (there's lots of it in cultic Mormonism!).

You have the right to ALWAYS think for yourself and scrutinize what other people, including adult Mormons, have told you is 'true', 'right', 'the will of God', etc. You also have the right to reject all beliefs - religious or otherwise - that are not supported by the facts.

Latter-day Saints fail to understand that truth is independent of what the LDS Church says and what Mormons believe is 'true' when their 'truths' are not supported by solid evidence. Very importantly, their emotions - and emotion-based beliefs - are not an INFALLIBLE guide to the truth.

Here are very good resources that you can study to educate yourself about Mormonism and its history:

Early Mormonism and the Magic World View (by former BYU history professor Dr. D. Michael Quinn): http://www.amazon.com/Early-Mormonism-Magic-World-View/dp/1560850892

The Changing World of Mormonism: http://www.utlm.org/navonlinebooks.htm

To Those Who Are Investigating Mormonism: http://packham.n4m.org/tract.htm

PBS FRONTLINE + American Experience: "The Mormons" (4-hour documentary film aired on PBS in '07 that includes excerpts from interviews with President Gordon Hinckley, Mormon Apostles Boyd Packer and Jeffrey Holland and member of the First Quorum of the Seventy and church historian Marlin Jensen): http://www.pbs.org/mormons/

101 Doubts about Mormonism: http://packham.n4m.org/101.htm

Contradictions in Mormonism: http://packham.n4m.org/contra.htm

Rethinking Mormonism: http://www.i4m.com/think/

Joseph Smith's Changing First Vision Accounts: http://www.irr.org/mit/first-vision/fvision-accounts.html

Losing a Lost Tribe: Native Americans, DNA, and the Mormon Church (by genetic researcher Dr. Simon Southerton, a former LDS bishop): http://www.amazon.com/Losing-Lost-Tribe-Native-Americans/dp/1560851813

"DNA vs. The Book of Mormon" (ref. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svfxSscxh8o)

Book of Mormon Tories (plagarisms in the BoM involving two American history books, one published in 1789 and the other in 1805, that were available to Joseph Smith): http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/magazine/pmm_article_full_text/211

The Lost Book of Abraham (more proof that Joseph Smith lied about his 'translation' ability): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcyzkd_m6KE

The 'motherlode' of historical info. about Mormonism (including many quoted official church sources, and their references): http://www.utlm.org/navtopicalindex.htm

Digital photograph of the title page of the 1830 edition of the Book of Mormon that shows that Joseph Smith was the author and proprietor (he claimed he was the 'translator' of the ancient gold plates): http://www.inephi.com/1.htm

The Untold Story of the Death of Joseph Smith: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvSo0ate4tM&feature=related

‘Faith-disrupting’ teachings and statements of Mormon ‘prophets’ (after Joseph Smith): http://mormonthink.com/prophetsweb.htm#apostleadmits

How Mormonism 'programs' people and affects their self-esteem: http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

40 fears created by LDS 'programming': http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/fears.htm

There is no need to initiate church discussions while you live with your parents, unless of course, your parents are initiating it? If they do, and you will disagree, then mention the 11th article of faith. Let them know that you do have different views, and since you will not come to the same conclusion that you kindly request that they abide by their beliefs, and respect your belief to your own set of truth. 11th article of faith baby!

Also, when you do move out, you have no need to let anyone know of your plans to go or not to go. It will eventually come out. Don't make a big production of it. You are an adult now, and will be out of their home, there is no need to 'go down and report'. Leaving the church can be a prolonged oozing wound, or quick like removing a band aid. One will last longer, but it will be gradual, the other will hurt but it will be over soon. YOU choose what you prefer. Your parents/family may be hurt, but they will come around eventually. Do not worry about other peoples reactions, as there is very little you can do about it. But they will come around, you will see.

IT was tough for me leaving, there were quite a few years where my mother was very sad, but then one day she realized that I was successful, happy, had a great husband, wonderful kids, a great job. I did not 'become an alcoholic, with loose morals'.

One of my good friends wrote an email to me a year after she found out that I left the church, and she stated " you trust in the knowledge of the world, but over 10 million people cannot be wrong, the church must be true".
I have news for her, over 10 million people are wrong, the church is not true. Quantity does not outstrip quality. Yes, I studied myself out of the church, and if the church was true that would not have happened.

All the best to you, I wish I had stuck to my guns so much earlier in my life. This does not need to become a huge family fight, it will most likely just happen, and it will go the way you want it to go if you remain firm in your decision. You know what you believe in, and not even your parents have a right to presume what you should believe in. Tell your parents you love them and that they brought you up right, you will do just fine with your life. They should not worry.