Posted by:
elderolddog
(
)
Date: January 17, 2023 03:53PM
Man, this brings back some chaotic memories...
In November of 1992, my second family and I moved into a new (to us) home that, unbeknownst to me at the time, was half a block from the bishop's house. I had started a second family and had a seven-year-old and a three-year-old...
At that point, I'd gone about 18 years without being in touch with the church.
About a week later, the bishop and his young family showed up at the door with cookies and smiles. Among their fecund tribe were a seven-year-old and a three-year-old, which was nice because now my shy seven-year-old had a connection at school.
I doubt that whatever records system the church had back then was capable of having alerted them so quickly that I was a member of record. I think it was just that he and his TBM wife were both RMs and were trying to live up to the 'every member a missionary' bromide. Certainly, they were good people.
I don't recall our conversation at the door... But with matching-aged kids just half a block away, it was natural that the kids became at least friendly. The bishop and I had many opportunities to converse, including a couple of golf games, one of which was with a couple of P-day missionaries, during which I made a long putt for a birdie and announced that maybe there really was a ghawd...
It was my experience that telling mormons intent on getting me back into activity that I was TBAtheist made it easier for them to be friendly, on the basis of them not being singled out as being full of shizz. I've yet to flesh this out; I really do think that rejecting ghawd allows them to be proud that I'm not rejecting mormonism, per se. They probably are relieved that they don't have to defend all the raunchy soft spots of the church.
When my older boy was cub scout age, he wanted to participate with his mormon school friends in scouting, which was fine by me, and resulted in me being called by our neighbor bishop to be the Pack Master. When I was asked to accept this 'calling,' I mentioned my atheistic leanings, and the bishop told me that he'd checked, and as long as I was a member, was living the WoW, and not committing adultery, being the Pack Master was okay since it didn't involve teaching the gospel.
Oh, wow, another memory just surged forward! I invented a game for our monthly pack meetings...!! I had a (maybe) three-foot square movers' dolly with a fully articulating wheel at each corner.
(https://www.homedepot.com/p/Milwaukee-800-lb-Capacity-Furniture-Dolly-33815/202721481?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&&mtc=SHOPPING-RM-RMP-GGL-D28I-028_032_PORTABLE-MB-MILWAUKEE-NA-SMART-NA-NA-MK492413300-NA-BT3-4051-NA-NA-NA&cm_mmc=SHOPPING-RM-RMP-GGL-D28I-028_032_PORTABLE-MB-MILWAUKEE-NA-SMART-NA-NA-MK492413300-NA-BT3-4051-NA-NA-NA-71700000085611950-58700007282788739-92700074694288766&gclid=Cj0KCQiAq5meBhCyARIsAJrtdr5tiEyd0V7U4Em964qVBXvR8DHI0x_d1hYPQROXbpj-eN6iGU0jYgYaAueYEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds)
I tied a fairly thick rope at the middle of the front and rear and made rope handles on the sides a rider could use to hold on. The boys were divided into three-man teams, and I laid out a course around the edge of the cultural hall, and all the parents scrunched into the middle.
The object of the game was to see which team could complete three circuits of the course the quickest. The hitch to this was that each team member had to switch positions after each circuit so that each team member was front-puller, rider, and rear-controller.
The boys loved that game, and I know I wasn't the only dad in the room who wanted a go at it.
When asked how I came up with the game, I naturally responded that I was inspired by not having the Holy Ghost throttling my motor.
It was weird that I, an avowed atheist, had a church calling and a key to the chapel... But all I had to do was preside, and I never called on myself to give the opening or closing prayer.
We fed the missionaries for a while, but then I think they were told to stay away, but I don't know that for sure. There was certainly no 'rules' problem since there were non-mormon family members present.
My then-wife, who'd never encountered mormonism prior to our move there, often mentioned how discourteous she thought it was to have church people on church business, showing up any time they pleased with NEVER any notice.
She'd call me if she answered the door and then turn and leave. If asked where she'd gone because they wanted to include her in the conversation, I'd tell them that not having grown up mormon, she wasn't accustomed to the rudeness of showing up uninvited and expecting a joyous welcome. I'd play it off as funny; sometimes, they'd get it and feel guilty, but most of the time, you could see them unable to process her point of view. It's a fact of life for mormons that church business doesn't require adherence to the rules of propriety.
Things simmered down when that original bishop was released, and we were pretty much left alone. We moved from that home 18 years after moving in, with one boy working on a Master's Degree and the other in his third year in college, both long gone from living with us. They still had mormon friends, but I'm reasonably sure that those high school friendships have not weathered the test of time, with the boys now being 37 and 33. (Holy shizz!!!)
Just before we moved, the ward clerk showed up. By this time, I didn't even know who the bishop was. The purpose of his visit was to offer me the opportunity to resign from the church. I told him that although I felt sorry the bishop had a sucky attendance percentage, I would never resign because if I did when I died, my one TBM child would have me dead-dunked a year later and then stand up in F&TM and tearfully share the joyous news... No way was I giving her that opportunity.
We chatted some more, and then he said that I was probably the nicest Hard-core Inactive he'd ever met and then went on to tell me that _____ _. _______, IV (The three blanks ID a famous early apostle) was inactive and lived in the ward, and he, the ward clerk, had felt the evilness emanating from that house!
Whenever I think of this, I can't help but wonder what that "famous name" guy's story is regarding mormonism, not to mention the ward clerk's superstitions! Although I know that 'evil' does exist, why would 'evil' retire to live in a small suburban bedroom community?
The last home teacher we had lived across the street and down the block. He came over once to introduce himself. I let him know that he could wave to me and count that as a visit. The only other time he came over was to do a survey for the bishop. It was basically a survey to cover where we stood, survivorship-wise, if there was a breakdown of civilization. Weird, huh? The survey included information regarding firearms/ammunition.
I mentioned this once before here and got an outraged response stating that no way had what I recounted ever happened. That was as shocking as anything I'd heard a TBM say or do... I had no problem figuring out that some bishops are weird and take that 'father of the ward' business to great heights.
Since moving from that city 11 years ago, I have had zero contact with the church, other than the BYU-affiliated contacts that any college graduate can expect. Obviously, they have my address (I get the quarterly BYU Alumni magazine in the mail), so I don't really know what's going on. Maybe the SCMC put the word out? I'm not complaining...
(that was fun for me! Thank you, RfM!!)