DH and I resigned last June and moved to his hometown in November to be closer to his aging parents. Since then we have had two visits from shirt and tie clad LDS locals (no mishies here). They seem to think demanding that we obey will force us to submit to their "authority." At one point one of them put on this "daddy voice" and told us "We want you to come back to church." It was everything I could do not to laugh. Or throw up. We made it very clear to them that we had resigned our membership.

They came by again last night. DH thinks his mother is the one sending them, and I think the church doesn't have correct records (or never changed them). Since this is a small town of less than 5,000 people DH knows the visitors and doesn't feel comfortable threatening legal action or turning the hose on them. I don't know what to do.

For those of you who have been in a position where you were required to "reactivate" or "reach out to the lost sheep" or whatever (even if they resigned?!) Is it DH's mom, the actions of a misguided bishop, or maybe bum records? I want to get to the bottom of this so the visits STOP.

... every time they come over (if you don't know it, just study the video of Dick Cheney offering up the token to Hinckley on YouTube).

Those boys will quit coming over quickly just to avoid facing the idiocy of their own little secrets.

You'll not have to say a word other than pleasantries ... just keep giving them the patriach grip ... until their shame keeps them away.

Each time they come ask them to explain a different uncomfortable historical fact:

1-How many 14 year old sexual partners did Joseph Smith have?
2-What were Fanny Alger and Joseph doing in the barn that night?
3-Where did all the money from the failed illegal Kirtland bank go?
4-Was Joseph having sex with the little sister of the men that tared-n-feathered him? Is that why they were 'persecuting' him, because is was a pedophile?
5-Is it true Joseph was arrested and convicted of 'glass looking'?
6-What is a peep stone and do I need a special hat to make it work?

You will be left alone after your questions cause a few uncomfortable silences...

Also, say, "Come back sometime when you're not here for your church's sake. We'd like invite you in for some homemade cake or a cool drink. But this kind of official church visit isn't condusive to comfortable socializing. Hope to see you around town. Bye." Then close the door.

Inviting people in is a bad idea if they're showing up unannounced just to harass or manipulate you. Actions speak louder than words and gently turning them away at the door with a smile says you won't be intimidated but you are a friendly person.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2011 11:00AM by Cheryl.

As long as DH continues to let them in, they will continue to come. They are aggressive, experienced salesmen!

As Cheryl suggests, clarify that strictly social visits would be fine, but you will not discuss church-related topics.

If they continue to be pushy, follow robertb’s excellent advice in the post below.

chips, why are you letting them into your house???

I tell them if I were to be honest about what I really thought and felt, I would just upset everyone. The conversation usually doesn't go past that point. If it does, I provide examples. :-)

Maybe followed with Cheryl's response above. That's very hard to be in a small town (and wanting to be on good terms with your neighbors) where the church just won't leave you alone.

and just say, "ya know, I've been finding out some very troubling and disturbing facts about the church, and I just don't believe in it. I prayed about Joseph Smith and the BOM, and the spirit told me it wasn't true - that it is false and makes people unhappy." If he asks, starts listing the facts.

When we first moved here we hadn't been active in years. The missionaries were coming over quite a bit. The bishopric came over too. I later found out my mom had been calling our ward and asking for them to come visit us. We just kindly said we aren't interested. Eventually they stopped.

Or,

"This is coercion and we won't stand for it."

wine country girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Or,
>
> "This is coercion and we won't stand for it."


Or,

"We'll come back only if we can discuss in church the troubling facts we learned about Mormonism. Such as (insert your favorite LDS topic here)..."

If I had a dollar for everytime my tbm mom said that to me, I would be rich! And I wouldn't pay tithing on it either. My records always follow me even though I never tell anyone in the local ward that we have moved. I know it's my mom telling them where we have moved to. I know this because she told me that she did it.

Also, screaming "Get the @#^&^# off our property" worked great when I wore one of those shirts.

Flash your boobs at 'em.

Ron

That'll make them come back more often!

Use your mommy voice and say no.

For those old enought to remember cookie jars, that's the voice you heard when you were trying to sneak another cookie.

I agree with everyone.

Except if it's someone with cookies.

If they have cookies, grab the plate out of their hands, stuff 3-4 cookies into your mouth, mumble "Thanks!" and slam the door.

That should do it.

"Regardless of whether YOU, or your ward, or the bishop wants, My religion is MY decision to make. Please make NO MORE attempts to pressure me to change my mind."

And follow this up with a call to the bishop.

It might not hurt to tell him that OTHER, more NORMAL religions do NOT hound former members. Harrassing former members is unbefitting a respectable religion and more on par with a cult or a stalker.

It's a small town, so be neighborly. Invite them over for a home cooked dinner with the understanding: no church/religion talk -- that's personal and we don't discuss it with guests.
Tell them you'll set a date if they can abide by the ground rules.

And I want to fly and spit diamonds, but it ain't gonna happen ;)
Seriously though, there's a lot of good advice here, +1 to what imaworkingonit said. Living in a small town where everybody knows each other.......that makes it a bit harder because as you said, people don't like being 'mean' when you've got longtime connections and associations there. Having said that; harassment is still harassment, regardless of who's doing it. I made it very clear in my exit letter to the local bishop that I wasn't 'cutting off' the good people in the the ward that I had known and been friends with for 22 years. I did however point out that sending people from the church to try to discuss my leaving, or try to persuade me to come back, was harassment and that would regrettably be treated as such, if it came down to it. I copied my attorney on the letter I sent to the bishop.......he got the message loud and clear. Almost 6 months from the time I officially resigned, I have cordial, even friendly relationships with the members I still interact with (my boys are in scouts, so I do still involve myself in ward-related activities when necessary). I've gotten a few gentle love-bombs, but because I set my boundaries firmly (yet politely) and clearly, I and the choices I made have been respected. From the stories I've read here and my own personal experience, the way the local leadership and members treat you once you've "made the break" is the dealbreaker for how you handle them. Ya gotta give respect to earn it, and if they don't respect you and your choices....well, my gut tells me it's better to speak up now with legal backing if need be, than to wait, let this drag out, and become even more uncomfortable and painful later on. If, God forbid it does get ugly, that's their problem, not yours. Is it primarily a Mormon town, or are there other resources for you and your hubby to have some respite from the situation? Hope you're able to resolve this, best wishes to you!

This is not a primarily LDS town, but it *is* a small one. I am glad you are still able to maintain cordial relationships. It definitely gives me hope!

"Get used to disappointment"

Post a little hammer just like the ones in the temple veil and put a sign by it to tap three times.

Answer the door by stating 'what is wanted?'

This phrase, "What is wanted" cracks me up everytime I run across it here and of course the poster here that uses it as his/her moniker! I am really new at being ornery, but I might just try this when the SP HT'er brings cookies again after threatening to excommunicate me. Perfect!

I would just use a regular door knocker with a sign appended that reads "i might be upstairs--please knock three times loudly." and then "what is wanted." catch em off guard more I guess.

Wow! Thanks for all the awesome advice! :-)

How does it feel to want?

Love it.

Or quote my old man: "And people in Hell want ice water." Then shut the door.

I come from a small town - they won't stop until you force their hand.

You could also prepare a list of questions and hand it to them on the porch the next time they drop by. Tell them you'll be glad to have them back when they have written answers to those questions. Their own answers, not the church-approved answers. Start a seed...

simply smile, do not let them inside and tell them pleasantly that they are welcome back only when they make an actual appointment and only if the bishop is with them. smile..

I did recovery work while in the church. we showed up to 'catch them off-guard' and unprepared to reject the visit or the message.

when and if the bishop shows up, invite them in and be pleasant,be seated.. offer them cookies...tell him that as an officer/leader of the ward, you are notifying him to cease and desist in harassing you.. smile.. say that if it continues, you will have to take legal action against the invasion of your privacy.smile and offer him a cookie..

Later, in his office, they will moan a bit but glad to get rid of the requirement to visit people who will pull their recovery numbers down..

The bishop is required by bishops' handbook, to write you off the visit list.

Next time they come by and say, "We want you to come back to church", be ready with a music player and BLAST them good and LOUD with the Stones' "You can't always get what you want".

"We will not be coming to your church. LOLOLOL (belly laugh) No need to ask again. Now come in for some fresh cookies and apple juice. Let's talk about something we both enjoy."