Posted by:
Brother Of Jerry
(
)
Date: February 18, 2023 01:37AM
Earlier in the thread, I mentioned a Chinese Mennonite church which I found to be pretty funny. I mean, how many Chinese Mennonites can there be?
Seeing as we have Menno Simons, founder of the Mennonites, posting on RFM today, I thought I'd pass along some statistics about Mennonites in Canada.
Yes, satire.
https://www.ungerreview.com/10-amazing-facts-about-mennonites-according-to-the-2021-census/Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look!
Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and 302 chickens.
Average baptism age: 18 years and one month.
Average marriage age: 18 years and two months.
Education level of Canadian Mennonites:
18% Conrad Grebel University College
16% high school
12% Columbia Bible College
9% Canadian Mennonite University
7% Steinbach Bible College
7% Menno Simons College
5% Winkler Bible Institute
3% Bethany College
the rest: PragerU
Largest population centre: Vanapag, MB
Smallest population centre: Neudyckfeld, SK
Ethnic makeup: diverse, but all are partial to Welch’s grape juice.
Top 5 most common languages spoken by Canadian Mennonites at home:
English
Mandarin
Pennsylvania Dutch
Vietnamese
some strange blend of English and Plautdietsch with a sprinkling of High German on Sundays
Average Mennonite family size: 11.6 (falsely claimed as 9 to fit under pandemic restrictions)
Sex: yes (but we don’t talk about it)
Denominational affiliation:
16% ones that pour
14% ones that dunk
2% ones that’ll let you choose
10% ones that drive horse and buggy
7% ones that drive cars but still make women wear dresses and cover their heads
11% ones that have dropped the Mennonite label but not the theology
13% ones that have dropped the Mennonite theology but not the label
27% sketchy cults
Total Mennonite population: 233,112 plus 78,003 in the womb