Life is too short. The church sucks but letting it bother you hurts you more than it hurts the church. Make the most of the rest of your life. Throw the rear view mirror away and hit the throttle.

Everyone is on their individual timeframe. It is a solitary journey, but in the end the OP defines recovery quite well.

To be told I can ignore the memories and the impact is insulting.

I’m not out for revenge; I’m working towards contentment. And I will never presume to tell anyone how to overcome or coexist with trauma.

You've been here how long?

That's really convenient to put the onus on me to be the "better" person or try to make it seem like I'm still hurting myself to discuss and challenge the crimes the cult is STILL committing, even after I've gone.

You're right. It is much better if we all just ignore what the cult does now, ignore the lies they still spread, the scams they still propagate. Because that's how bad people STOP doing what they're doing. When their victims focus only on their own personal health and ignore whoever else is hurting and new victims.

Works on paper, but, sounds too much like one of them there self help books people make a fortune off of.

I sort of did what you are advocating. Hit the ground running. Never looked in the rear view mirror. Never gave Mormonism another thought except for enduring family gatherings as the prodigal. Have had a helluva life.

Forty years later I realized I had buried what had happened to me as raided extreme Mormon all the way to China. A lot of Magma under the surface. RFM helped me process it.

Living well I did. I do. Didn't serve well as revenge but did serve well for building a strong sense of self. The only thing that hinted of revenge was knowing my older brother who prides himself on being the most righteous and successful and most intelligent and even god like really hates it that as the sinner I knocked it out of the park with my life.

Live well for yourself and for those around you. Build a life you are proud to invite people into.

Rubicon. Didn't mean to be argumentative. The old saying, "Living Well is the Best Revenge" is actually a great jumping off point and can inspire people to find their own inner strengths that were there all along. I have just found the rear view mirror needs context rather than a sheet over it.

People who get out can actually knock it out of the park because they have so much less baggage to carry around.

I thought the best revenge would be to declare yourself the real prophet of Ensign Peak and collect your cash :)

>but letting it bother you hurts you more than it hurts the church.

Stated without evidence, and while I am sure it is true is some cases, you also only change that which bothers you. Being bothered serves an important function.

And yeah, especially when dealing with Mormons, the best revenge is is living well. They desperately want God to slap you upside the head, and are troubled when he does not.

It is indeed the best revenge. But it's difficult to deny that part of my person that "was". It made me who I am today.

I've been a sometimes lurker, sometimes poster since I think 1996 here. I've written and posted my story. I come and go as I feel, when I need a RFM boost or if I need a little church humor, or I need to commiserate, I come back.

Right now, since the Tammi Daybell trial, I've rekindled my curiosity and want to get back into regular reading and posting again. I have bits and pieces that I've written scattered all over, and I want to get them all in one place, perhaps in book form, perhaps in a blog or something. So, I'm back to the RFM to get my dander up again to get into the mood of writing again.

Anyway, Mormonism isn't something you can put down. Like one of the other posters said, they are still out there harming people. REAL HARM. I can't stand by and let that happen. So, although I'm over it and AM living my best life in revenge with my coffee in one hand and my beer in the other, I want to shed light on this evil empire. If I can help one person, I have done my duty. applesauce

Good to see you, applesauce. Rant on!

When I think about people who were victims of rape, abducted children, gun violence, cults, etc., the ones I admire most are those who use their experience to educate, prevent and share what happened to them. Thankfully they didn't just watch it in the rear view mirror and move on.

So is living well does not necessarily mean moving on. It can look differently for all of us.

I agree that this all sounds good on paper. However, it's incredible how hypocritical and short sighted members are. My three older brothers can pick apart my life on any area and say that it is b/c I didn't stay faithful to the church that I am experiencing a lack of blessings. I am talking about common crap like losing a job, auto accident, or failing a test or class.

The problem with members are that they are using selective reasoning which is a huge bias. They see what they wanna see they hear what they wanna hear.

The reason I am outspoken in my family is b/c I was bullied by everyone in it to go to church and follow this path. I was very apprehensive to go on my mission and my brothers just got snotty and poked fun of me. My father threatened me and my mom would take privileges from me. You think I am going to take that shit sitting down???? Shoe is on the other foot now and they are acting all sissy getting pisted at me.

OH WAIT!!! That's right, it is ok for them to bare testimony to me, but I can't say anything in the way of truth back at them??? Nah, they are gonna take their own medicine and I will force it down their throats.

I just want to underscore what D&D and applesauce write: namely, that if you've spent decades in a cult like Mormonism you can't simply turn your back and walk away. Many of us will always to one degree or other be Mormon in some habits and some behaviors and some memories even if we have resigned and moved on. Even our dedication to the destruction of the church is a backhanded recognition that we remain preoccupied with that institution.

Sometimes, furthermore, it is those who claim to have severed the connections completely are the ones who bear the deepest scars. They just can't see them. The truth is that a person cannot simply walk away from one's own identity forged in our childhoods and years of experience.

Recovery is a process, not a destination.

It is tough to walk away, but it can be done well.

Almost all of us have walked away. That's not the point.

The point is that a kid who spent his first ten years in the Deep South will never fully shake his accent; a person who was in prison for years will forever be marked by the experience even after gaining his freedom; a solder in Iraq who was hit by an IED in Iraq and lost a leg will never get that limb back; and a person who was in a violent marriage for any significant period of time will never be the same as if she had avoided that fate.

Humans are the summation of their experiences, for better or worse, and it would be disingenuous to say than any particular extended episode did not leave a permanent mark. As D&D said, you can ignore something for decades but it is still there.

Wise advice.

Sometimes revenge is sweet. Like pouring a can of Bud Light on FILs grave (with wife cheering me on) on Memorial Day. Making memories. Please don't judge as you have no idea what a piece of high priest ____ this guy was.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/06/2023 08:42PM by squirrely.

I rented farm land from the church for 6 years but they never demanded i pay tithing on my portion of the crop share. Interestingly though, since I quit renting it (drought in the late 1980s almost broke me) they've rented it to non Mormon farmers.

Even though I've was raised and believe in the here-after, I wonder at times if this life is all there is.

There are people that live their live struggling to make ends meet and contribute to their church and basically just survive day to day.

If there is no hereafter, then those that spend their life living well will be the winners, those that struggled and lived under their religions demands will be the losers.

Roll the dice and take your chances.

>If there is no hereafter, then those that spend their life living well will be the winners, those that struggled and lived under their religions demands will be the losers.

?? That's true whether there is a hereafter or not. What makes you think that if there is a hereafter, that some religion has the winning lottery ticket?

There's no time for that "live well" idea as life is so busy busy busy as the Church keeps us so busy doing things. But, you may be correct if you define "live well" the way my brain has been programmed by the beloved Correlation program to define this phrase. Obedience equals "live well". And I couldn't possibly second-guess that due to how my brain is wired to think.