Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: sunbeep ( )
Date: June 18, 2023 02:47PM

I think I could have remained a happy mormon, if only I didn't have to:

* Starve myself and my family one whole day, every month
* Give them a lot of money and pretend I wanted to do it
* Visit a few people every month who didn’t want me to visit them
* Stand up before the whole congregation and say something inspiring
* Teach some class something I wasn’t qualified to teach
* Wearing strange underwear that was uncomfortable and expensive
* Being expected to willingly do anything they asked me to do
* Bear testimony of something that I had no testimony of
* Being asked if I masturbate and wanting explicit details about it
* Ratting on other members who weren’t following church rules
* Giving up most of every weekend just because it was expected
* Being told what I could or couldn’t eat or drink
* Sitting through hours and hours and hours of boring meetings
* Believe crap that wasn’t true and tell other to also believe it

On second thought, maybe not. Could you have stayed?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: schrodingerscat ( )
Date: June 18, 2023 04:08PM

I could have stayed if I could shut off my conscience that would yell at me,”IT’S A FRAUD!” Whenever I heard MORmON leaders exhort me to follow the example of Joseph Smith as they sang the praises of a racist rapist.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/18/2023 04:10PM by schrodingerscat.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: madeguy ( )
Date: June 18, 2023 04:09PM


I joined because I thought it was true.
I left because I found out it's not true.

I did not like getting up early on Sunday, and rushing to church.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bradley ( )
Date: June 18, 2023 05:17PM

It's never too late for a lobotomy.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: dogbloggernli ( )
Date: June 18, 2023 05:45PM

I was never a happy Mormon.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: heartbroken ( )
Date: June 18, 2023 06:57PM

Just adding a few more to your list:

Experience sleep deprivation all throughout high school because of early morning seminary that started at 6:30 am.

Feel pressured into leaving home for 18 months to live in a foreign country and knock on doors every day to recruit new members to the Mormon church.

Attend Mormon colleges/universities when a local state school would have been a better experience.

Attend awful indoctrinating Mormon youth camps as a young teenager

Spend money on food storage (wheat) that was never needed - except for the rats that eventually ate it.

Pantomime slicing my throat and bowel in the temple.

Feel a black cloud of guilt constantly hovering over my head because I couldn't be perfect.

Read the Book of Mormon

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: blackcoatsdaughter ( )
Date: June 18, 2023 07:00PM


I was inactive for a full year and some change when my shelf broke. My high religiosity was making me really unhappy but I found myself unable to compartmentalize any of it. I knew I was a lesbian and couldn't change that and I was tired of feeling guilty and ashamed all the time. So I stopped attending.

THEN I found out it was all a cult and a scam.

I could maybe go back if they got rid of this and this and that. But then by that point "going" would look pretty indistinguishable from "not going".

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: June 18, 2023 11:19PM

blackcoatsdaughter Wrote:
> I could maybe go back if they got rid of this and
> this and that. But then by that point "going"
> would look pretty indistinguishable from "not
> going".

Haha. That's pretty funny.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: T-Bone ( )
Date: June 19, 2023 04:59AM

I kind of liked being Mormon sometimes. But other times, it really got on my nerves.

The final straw was moving to Orem and applying to BYU. It was my second time around to go to college, and after becoming active in church again, I saw some successful guys in my community who were LDS. They were genuinely nice people. I wanted to be one of them.

I already had 2 foreign languages under my belt and some useful skills, but no college degree.So I moved to Orem and entered Utah Valley University (UVU), got excellent grades, and applied to BYU.

What happened next was just torture. I attended a ward near UVU and found the members very difficult to be around. Since I speak a few foreign languages, everybody assumed I learned them on a mission. I never went on a mission. When I announced that, I was shunned and treated like a second-class citizen. If you didn't fit the cookie cutter Mormon life, they had no idea how to talk to you.

I attended a foreign language speech contest. Every speech sounded like a general conference talk run through Google translate. They poor kids even copied the mannerisms of those old guys speaking at General Conference. All I saw were carbon copies. It felt very surreal. No individuality, no original thought. All NPCs.

But the way people responded to my wife (now my ex) was the worst. She worked at a call center in Orem, and when one of her co-workers found out that she was not LDS and we were not married in the temple, he turned around in his chair and never spoke to her again. She is a good person, and never deserved to be treated like that.

There were several incidents that turned me off to Mormonism. I got a hot chocolate at Starbucks one morning. A co-worker confronted me. I opened it at showed him that it was hot chocolate. "Well, we need to avoid the appearance of evil." I just laughed at him.

There was a guy who worked in my office who constantly asked me when we were going to start having children. We had struggled with fertility issues for years and it was none of his business. I reminded him of this several times. Finally, I had enough and told him we couldn't have children. "Oh, is it her or you?" I'd had enough. I went to HR. It never came up again. But wouldn't you know, the guy who constantly trampled on my boundaries later went to prison for s3x crimes against children? No wonder he was so interested in my private life.

Many of the young guys in my ward had anger issues. One Sunday on the way to church, a guy in a Camry almost ran us off the road. He went into oncoming traffic, pulled around us, and pulled into the church parking lot, cutting me off. We got out of our car and walked into the chapel where he greeted me, "Good morning, brother T-Bone!" The strange behavior just kept occurring. Another young male member of our ward was in the passenger side of my car when I accidentally started to turn onto a one-way street. The driver honked and blocked my way. He jumped out and ran toward the other car. The driver was a women with children in the car. He yelled at her until she almost started crying. I got out. That scared her even more. I went over to pull him away. She cried, "I was just trying to tell you you're going the wrong way." I apologized and we got back into my car. It never got mentioned again.

The way old mission companions were the beneficiaries of favoritism in the workplace was sickening. I worked in a call center where the boss knew nothing about the job, but became shift supervisor because he was in the same mission as the boss. This supervisor hired one of his old companions and immediately promoted him to floor supervisor. This clown was in charge of telling us when we could take a bathroom break. Too many calls in the queue and you couldn't go to the bathroom. But the floor supervisor, who also knew nothing about the job, was free to come and go as he pleased. Rules for thee, but not for me.

Finally, after being treated like an outcast for 2 years in Orem, I was thankfully denied entry into BYU. The reason? Lack of volunteer service. Dog whistle alert. That means I did not get in because I did not go on a mission. I was upset at first, but later thankful. I wouldn't want that on my CV, especially when working in an international setting.

I spoke to the bishop. I was sick of being treated like a second-class citizen and watching all the hypocrisy. He tried to dismiss the odd treatment (like all apologists) as isolated incidents. When it's your whole ward, it's not an isolated incident.

There was ONE guy I made friends with who was super-cool. He told me that none of that stuff mattered and it didn't make a difference. All that matters now is that you are a faithful member now. If all Mormons were like that, I'd still be Mormon.

TLDR: If Mormons knew how to treat people who did not grow up LDS, go on a mission, and get married in their temple, I'd still be Mormon.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: June 19, 2023 07:48AM

Excellent post.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: squirrely ( )
Date: June 22, 2023 05:07PM

Cleaning the church

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 22, 2023 09:26PM

There were any meaningful purpose to it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: CL2 ( )
Date: June 23, 2023 12:25PM

I was still hanging on hoping that my gay husband would be okay in the next life. It was many years of torture trying to figure it all out. My daughter is TBM and she was upset at me for something I said about the church, so she asked her dad about it. He told her, "Your mother was never happy mormon." And I had never thought of that, but he was right. No wonder all my siblings are out and all the grandchildren except my daughter of all things.

No, I couldn't have stayed. Live the marry the gay to save him and he is damned if he doesn't change to straight. Oh, and if he cheats or doesn't make it, it is your fault. What a mess.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: kentish ( )
Date: June 23, 2023 01:29PM

I was never a comfortable Mormon. Too much of a bloody minded Brit to tolerate the control (found myself outside the box many times and on various issues), so my departure was inevitable despite that not being the reason I left.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 23, 2023 01:34PM

Have you shared any of your rebellious spirits stories?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: June 23, 2023 02:07PM

Actually, I could go back as a bold face liar.

That's why I never fit in because I thought you were supposed to be honest, but the church isn't honest with members or even themselves (lying about stats).

If they paid me a grand a month, I might show up once a month.

I would refuse any callings, any invitation to pray.

I think I have improved myself by 1,000 times because I can say no to any church demands. I have no problem speaking my mind and being myself. There's nothing they can say that bothers me; even their attempts to gaslight those who went thru hell trying to exist as a Mormon.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In

Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
       **        **  ********  **    **  **    ** 
       **        **  **    **  **   **   ***   ** 
       **        **      **    **  **    ****  ** 
       **        **     **     *****     ** ** ** 
 **    **  **    **    **      **  **    **  **** 
 **    **  **    **    **      **   **   **   *** 
  ******    ******     **      **    **  **    **