The thread about the Second Coming being postponed to 2050 (https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2484376) reminded me of story from my youth. I posted it here a few years ago, but at my age, I tend to repeat myself.

It was during Ward Conference. A Stake leader (I believe he was a member of the Stake presidency) taught our Sunday school class that day. He began the class by walking up to the the chalkboard and writing a big “10.” He said “Ten. Ten years. I can’t see how it can possibly be more than ten years until the second coming of Christ.”

So…ten years (at the most) until Christ’s return. But…that happened 51 years ago.

I don’t know if he was sincere, or if he was trying to frighten us. I was 15 at the time, and ten years seemed like a long time, but I thought that it was likely that I would witness the second coming.

I remember being told that I was among the choice spirits who were held back until the very end. Years later, I found out that every generation is told that (are they still feeding that nonsense to today’s youth?)

One day my former spouse arrived home after one of her study sessions with a truly knowledgeable member per her comments. (He was a McConkie).

Anyway, besides my being annoyed that she spent a lot of time around this guy, she announced to me that she and him had determined that Christ would return around 2020 if memory serves me correctly.

I was then told to repent. I would say that was around 35 years ago.

      Your post dredged up a memory...

      Early in my Junior year in high school, 1960, I was sitting in study hall, with nothing really to study.  So I was musing.  I used to muse a lot, sometimes all day...

      And I mused that I was sitting there, just 40 years from the year 2000, or twenty-ought-ought as we kids used to call it, while shifting gears, with the stick on the steering wheel...  The times were very clutch.

      The next thought was, 'How old will I be in 40 years?'  But not having an electronic calculator, I had to wait until the next day, in *trigonometer* class, to figure it out.  (Thank ghawd for signs, cosigns, and designs!)

      So there I was, in like October of 1960, suddenly being confronted with the adult-ish knowledge that I would be 55, or %% in all-caps, in the year 2000!!!

      As some of you are very aware, 55 is an impossible age when you're still an innocent teenage boy, living a teenage life, having teenage dreams...  There weren't even any helicopters on Mars at that time!

      And, of course, the year 2000 has come and gone. The last 'shifty' car I bought was in 1990; it was so clutch!  Would I, today, still be able to make that first drag-racing shift from 1st to 2nd Richard Geer?  I'd like to think so, that it's like riding a ballerina...

      IsaythesethingsinthenameofJesusChristamen.

It's like Kurt Vonnegut but more rambling and less funny, but pleasant because I can relate more to it than a space adventure.

Not about Jesus, but the church started making big changes about its programs in the 1980s. The organizers of such youth programs (road shows, dance and speech festivals/competitions) used to actively recruit the youth for participation.

I was getting close to graduating from primary and they requested to meet with 11 year olds after the 3 hour block. I wasn't good at dancing, but I was signed up for the road show. And then it was announced that "this year's road show has been postponed." And it never returned.

Instead, the church furthered it's personal worthiness interviews for the youth: where I would be grilled about self touching, masturbation and impurity of thoughts.

That's how the church prepared for the 2nd coming and made a ton of $$$ by getting tithing paid for temple recommends.

At this point no one should speculate or worry until they hear the church has liquidated it's Jesus fund.

They keep kicking the can down the road but nobody catches on. When the prophet is wrong, it goes down the memory hole. No wonder a prophet can have so many wives.

The hole of their prophet is the biggest black hole in the universe. It connects to the center of the universe - Kolob.

Kolob shines where the sun doesn't.

I'm waiting for the year without any rainbows.

I've posted this before, but what the heck?

My dad's last calling was Patriarch. As he got older and dementia started creeping in, he started trying to figure out when Jesus would come back. I guess he thought he had it, so he started using that in his church talks.

After a few talks, they pulled him aside and told him to stop....he was freaking out the members. I was never told what he had figured out but he died almost 20 years ago and still no Jesus.

Jesus has been here for decades. It's just that nobody expected the bolo tie and handlebar mustache.

"Jesus has brown skin, but he's secretly White!  And he's been known to waltz..."
                  --Judic West, Certified Public Revelator








*Unless and until the Statute of Imitations has run.

"Judic West is always so close and yet just ham on rye."

--Jacquerie Clochard, enjoying a Croque Monsieur and lamenting that Absynthe isn't what it used to be

So Jesus is the same as Mr Potatohead?

That's a letdown.

Yeah, but I'd rather eat the flesh of that Jesus than the other one.

They could pass French fries during sacrament instead of bread....maybe some ketchup in the little water cups too.

Isn't an AP talking like that a bit like an apostle sinning against the Holy Ghost?

For shame.

What, the apostles don't like French fries? And with the mantle of AP comes a little leeway in matters like this.

The fry is the flesh and the ketchup is the blood. It's a bit more like god sanctioned cannibalism, or maybe like an apostle eating his.....oh wait, they don't engage in that impure and unholy practice.

I'm persuaded. Come election time, you'll have my vote* for Apostle.










*For a nominal fee, of course

Thanks for your support. Can I pay you in aluminum cans and beer bottles?

No, but I do accept cashiers checks.

Perfect. I know a cashier. I'll ask them to write you a check. Do you take coupons too?

Everyone assumes that Jesus would come back (if he could) as an apocalyptic leader. But maybe instead he would be running a hunger-relief program, or directing well building in Africa, or building homes for low income people, or doing cleft palate surgery in third world countries. No one ever thinks that he might just be an ordinary guy doing a bit of good in the world.