A man I knew in the ward I grew up in died this month. I was trying to decide whether or not to attend his funeral. I decided not to attend.

This man's family lived in the same neighborhood I grew up in. We attended the same ward. My parents still live in the neighborhood, and many other people who lived in the neighborhood then are still living there now. Many of the adults I knew growing up may have gone to the funeral.

I don't believe in Mormonism, but I'm also not married. Some of the ward members I know encouraged me to get married when I was younger. If you are a Mormon and you don't get married, you are considered by the Church to be something of a failure. I didn't want anybody to think of me as a failure.

I watched the funeral online, and it was very religious in nature. Despite this, I learned new things that were interesting, so it was worthwhile to watch.

The camera did not pan the audience, so I could not tell how many people attended or who they were.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2023 06:40PM by behindcurtain.

That was nice to have an option to watch online. I think you made the right decision not to go. You no doubt avoided curious questioners or people potentially preaching at you.

I have attended 5 Mo funerals. I don’t have a problem with that, but I didn’t really know anybody from the local wards of the deceased, so there was none of the stress of seeing people from my distant past, other than close family members. Not a big deal.

I’m willing to put up with an hour or so of Mormonism to show respect and support for family members. Not that big a deal.

One friend, who used to post here, left Mormonism in his sixties, after a lifetime of activity. His wife was Catholic, and he had worked all his life teaching at a Catholic high school. So he opted for a Catholic funeral. His Mormon family and ward members were invited, and a lot of them attended. I bet that was an interesting experience for them! The priest mentioned his Mormon heritage in his remarks, and handled it all very diplomatically I thought.

Mormons coping with a Catholic mass! It was a pleasure to watch. :)

I visited Brazil about 20 years after my mission. I looked up in the local phone book several families that I had baptized, but I didn’t have the nerve to call them. I figured if they were exMo, I owed them an apology, though I would have been OK with that. Worse, I feared they might still be active, and I didn’t want to have to explain my exMormonness. So I understand OP skipping the funeral.

I chose not to attend my Mormon cousin's funeral last month in Raymond. Just wasn't in the mood to be preached at. I expressed my condolences to his family.
I did however attend a close friend's wife's secular funeral service where there was no mention of a diety. It was an honor to be there to honor her life and memory.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2023 08:58PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

It sounds like this man's friends, family, and neighbors were well represented. As for you, you have a right and even an obligation to protect yourself. If you feel that there was a good chance you would be treated poorly, there is nothing wrong with not allowing yourself to be treated that way.

If you have a favorite memory or two of the deceased, it might be a nice thing to write a letter of condolence to the widow or the family.

I attend viewings and express condolences to the family but skip the funeral.

Has anyone of you been involved in the passing of a loved one when there was someone known to the family that they didn't want at the funeral, or the family was totally gobsmacked (why isn't that ghawdsmacked?) when a certain someone had the ballses to show up?

My heavens, yes.

Just recently I attended a funeral at which one of the decedent's family members was persona non grata. I know this because the family sent out requests to a number of us NOT to share the details with said black sheep relative, who was apparently wanted to attend. I actually think the family made the right decision. But it was bizarre. Lots of dirty laundry aired publicly.

Please feel free to share that datum with, uh, your friend.

But you went ahead and showed up anyway?

She's a well known Mean Girl!

Ouch! dagny launches her campaign to take over leadership of the Mean Girls Club.

Jesus, are you just going to stand aside and let her usurp your role as Dominatrix?

Show some backbone, for heaven's sake!

For me:

Viewing, yes

Grave site servies (if that's all there is), maybe depending on projected amount of ceremony and formal presenting. Those count against attendance.

Funeral, no except for very close friends.

A friend is a friend no matter the details of his or her religion. Last Saturday I went to the funeral of a friend and well-known nice guy who was a pillar of our greater community. His passing was sad and unexpected. It was a great funeral as far as LDS funerals go, and I was sad for all the non-LDS attendees who had to endure the Gabby religious stuff, like testimonies and other bullshit. However, if I had to do it again, I would happily attend to honor a good man and friend.

If you want a truly bad funeral, attend a Roman Catholic funeral. That'll l'arn ya.

>> If you want a truly bad funeral, attend a Roman Catholic funeral. That'll l'arn ya.

I'd be curious as to why you feel that way.

I've attended two Catholic funerals in recent years. One was very "by the book," and I think Mormons would recognize the basic structure, which is meant to remind those attending about the basic beliefs of the church in question. The priest, as priests often do, used the opportunity to try to reel back in lapsed Catholics (some priests are more artful about this than others.) On a bright note, he did know the deceased very well, and his remarks reflected that.

The other funeral was the more interesting of the two. The deceased's brother is a Catholic Jesuit priest and university professor, who brought many of his fellow Jesuits with him. Although this funeral had the necessary bits, it was more collegial, relaxed, free-form, and personal than the first funeral.

I think that Catholic funerals often reflect whichever priest is in charge.

One was older than my mother and the other was about the same age. They both lived in this ward and I've been a nonattender for a long, long time. I went to a funeral not long after I went inactive, but I haven't been to anything there since. I've gone to other funerals that weren't in this ward like I have had a few aunts die and a cousin.

I just couldn't bring myself to go to these two funerals. They were very recent. I was good friends with them and did a lot of things for them as they aged. I know neither of them would find it a problem that I didn't go. I went to visit one of them in the care center just days before she died and took her flowers. We had a long chat.

For me, it depends on the circumstances and where the funerals are. My family is mostly from Brigham City and I'm over here in little Hyrum. I can handle being around my family for funerals, but not the members of this ward. They would take it as a sign I was ready to go back. And many have been working on me to go back.

It was over 20 years ago that we attended a Mormon funeral. A young man, 21, was killed when the vehicle he was riding in overturned. We were friends of the family when we were Mormons so we attended and sat in the back. A high councilman gave an opening prayer. I don’t remember all the words but I do remember the ones stated here: “blah blah blah… we are grateful to be here today… blah blah”. I was furious. A mother and her other children were in tears at the funeral and this ass states we are grateful to be here today. I wanted to run up and knock him over. A totally thoughtless member giving a prayer by rote.

I attended one after I left. It wasn’t a moron funeral. My best friend was excommunicated. She was shunned even though she had major medical problems. After she died the morons took over her funeral and went on what an awesome woman and moron she was. Wouldn’t let anyone else speak. Just steamroller the ceremony. Totally hypocritical and cruel to the family. Family was aghast at what was happening and instead of creating a scene let it happen.

Never again will I attend a funeral moron or otherwise.

I think it's okay whether one attends or not.

I'm a heck of a heathen. I didn't travel back for my dad's service.

I took FMLA to keep my job. I saw him after he suffered a massive stroke. He was in a major fog. He literally drifted in and out of consciousness. I was more upset of what he had become after suffering the stroke than the loss of his passing. I am thankful that he didn't vegetate for months and years because I think that would have been cruel to him and my dysfunctional family.

So he was supposed to have a service in a funeral home, but my mom's home teacher ADVISED her to save $$$ and have it at the church instead. He was dressed in that hideous clown costume that top Mormons wear in the temple. From the funeral program, 3 of the 4 people barely knew him gave "inspirational" talks about the church, the plan of salvation and the greatness of Joseph Smith. My dad was not a very good Mormon because he had more interests outside of the church. He liked planes, trains and automobiles as well as fishing, hiking, photography, film and computers.

And the program was a joke! It had my dad's favorite scripture which was from Mosiah. Ha! My dad didn't think much of the BoM, he barely liked verses from the NT. It claimed his favorite hymn was a Sacrament song- While of these emblems we partake. I wanted my dad's favorite songs from TV westerns to be played; He loved those! But those were not allowed to be heard in the chapel.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2023 01:16PM by messygoop.

I hear ya on the clothing bit.

I have instructed my atheist son to insure that when I am placed in that coffin, I best be wearing a suit or similar attire. And that any talks\speeches are to be at the graveside and no where else, with just family and friends in attendance.

He will make sure that happens!