DW and I knew some Evangelical couples years ago and would occasionally get together for dinner or just hang out. They never successfully recruited us to Christianity, yet we still enjoyed each others company. The years have passed and we have maintained friendship with just one couple who live up north and will come visit us next month.

Out of the blue last week we get a call that one of these individuals needs bail. We had not seen him nor heard from him in the past 8 years. The bonding company said (per his words to them) we were his only hope of getting out of jail. He had a bond set for $3000 and we would need to pay 10% to get him out. I grudgingly agreed to pay A few hours later the bonding company called and said there were additional circumstances and the bond was raised to $6000. I refused at that point. I explained briefly to the woman at the bonding company that this was an old acquaintance and after learning of the additional charges I did not want to be on the hook for so much money. She agreed that I made the right decision and set up a refund on my card to get the bail money back.

Two days go by. He called last night and said he needed $350 to get his car out of impound. It appears someone posted bail for him. I paid the impound fee doubting I will ever see that money again. It was difficult to turn down a desperate person so I relented.

We originally met these Evangelicals as I founded exmormon.org and have had the opportunity to meet many people. I never anticipated this as a result of all the contacts we have had. Oh well.

Did you delve into the details of the (probably) DUI charges and how big his finé is going to be?

It was a DUI. He won't be able to pay the charges for certain out of his own pocket. That is why I do not expect to get my $350 back.

We had a similar experience with my wife's half-sister. It $500 that we will never see again, which we assumed. I told my wife, for $500 she's out of our life. We got off cheap.

Oh, my. It was very nice of you to get his car out of impound. My go to response is, "I can't help you," or "I'm not in a position to help you." IMO people need to go to family first, and if your family won't help you, that may very well say something right there.

Please make sure none of that story is part of a scam! Something doesn't smell right about this story.

There has been an increase in scams where people call friends or family for help for all kinds of things. Sometimes it involves using deep fake voices of people you know or scammers getting access to their contacts.

If it is all true, it sounds like they have been facing some kind of crisis and have problems simmering out of control. They might need professional help.

You have a good heart, Eric K! I suppose losing $350 for a friend isn't the end of the world, but I would be leery of paying more.

I have a sister who always seems to need help but makes one foolish decision after another. It's exhausting and I do my best not to encourage the relationship. It's not fun to be in those kinds of situations.

I've heard of those scams, where someone's voice and even phone number can be spoofed. It is now recommended that you either have a family codeword, or call the person back using your phone's contact list if they are asking for funds.

It's also true that some people never learn to "adult."

Eric buddy... you are far too nice a human being. It is my practice to heed Ben Franklin's words: "think twice before talking to a friend in need."

If you ever need a few bucks... Dagny is rich. Just a thought.


HH =)

Well, I'm rich with RfM comedians!

dagny Wrote:
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> Well, I'm rich with
> RfM comedians!


Priceless!~!~!

Nice try. But she's still not going to bail you out.

Eric K Wrote:
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> Out of the blue last week we get a call that one
> of these individuals needs bail. We had not seen
> him nor heard from him in the past 8 years.

It's excruciating for me and many others, I know, to have to bring ourselves to say no. We don't immediately think someone is trying to take advantage of us or worse, deliberating scamming us. I've had to do it with close people twice and it's difficult as their sob stories make it sound like the world will end if you don't help them. Somehow they always manage to survive even if you finally say no. For some of us, it takes a lot to get to that place.

But you know what they say about trying to help or rescue others: Save yourself first. You're not going to do anybody any good if you, in turn, need rescuing yourself. Not that a few hundred dollars would likely be the cause of us crashing and burning but the principle stands.

Also, it feels awful to think someone is deliberately taking advantage of one's good nature and it's hard to tell sometimes.

In this case, as you haven't seen each other for years, it's strange that he's reaching out to you for money. It's such an uncomfortable thing to occur between friends, for both sides. I would be leery too; 1. that his pleadings won't end there - he will always need just a little bit more and 2. that, as some have suggested, it's some kind of scam. With some people, the only thing that makes it stop is a firm No and then, no matter what, make that the end of it.

This is one of those EV friends, if I'm reading it correctly. Maybe his church can help him. As others have said, it sounds like he needs more assistance than just a few hundred dollars. It's unfortunate if it's true that he's in such a mess but he's asking too much trying to get you involved.

I got scammed by my wife in the early years of our marriage. She owned her parents money, who wanted to be paid back "now". They were leaving on their mission.

So she tells me they are desperate and need the money to pay for unexpected bills, so I write them a check to help out. Found out 6 months later along with a new lie, attached to a second lie, that was an extension of the prior lie, which cost me overall near $15,000.

She layed low for 12 months after that and did everything she could to not piss me off any further. I have since forgiven, but made changes to insure that said events or lies never, ever, happens again.

My lesson: "Do NOT trust anybody"!!!!!!!!

You stayed married to her?

Unless it is so egregious that I cannot overcome it impact, I will give you a single pass. Do it again....then Houston we have a problem. I have forgiven many outright offences in my life time to a few who understand that one time was the only time.

She does not lie anymore, she spent 24 months in fear waiting for papers to be filed. So in essence she repented of her transgression.

I am powerfully loyal to those I commit to, she and my children fit into that category. But they all know the limit, and she knows it well, since we have passed our 20 year mark.

Now, if I do give you money, its in generousity, I never loan anything.

Silence is golden wrote in part:

"Now, if I do give you money, its in generousity, I never loan anything."

Thanks! That is sage advice.

I'm all for helping someone in need. Even to the point of helping total strangers. Does compassion need to come with a price? I dunno. It's hard to say no to someone in need, even if they brought it upon themselves.

sunbeep Wrote:
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> Does compassion
> need to come with a price? I dunno. It's hard to
> say no to someone in need, even if they brought it
> upon themselves.

I agree about compassion, sunbeep. I think the question is just wondering if it's a scam.

There's nothing wrong, I've finally taught myself, in double-checking to be sure you're not being taken advantage of or worse, being lied to.

Both have happened to me. It's unpleasant and it hurts. I'm much more in favour these days of giving practical help where needed, not just handing over cash.

When I've finally had to come to the point when I couldn't help with cash any more, the "desperate" party somehow still survived and wasn't relegated to being down and out either.

I guess there's no hard-and-fast rule, just whatever a person can manage to do for another, depending on situations and relationships and various other factors.

I note that Eric said no to the bond payment and yet the man was still able to get out of jail. If Eric had paid the increased amount that was requested, the man quite likely would have come back with the next request to pay to get his car back as well. It's really difficult once you say OK once to then refuse the next ask, especially if it comes in quick succession. If it had been me I would have agonized over not forking over the bail money but then the person gets out of jail anyway so they didn't need me after all. And the more you give to some people who are in a fix the more they keep asking for, is my experience. And at some point, for the sake of self-preservation, you do have to end up saying no and it isn't any easier at that point; in fact, it can be even more difficult.

So I understand a person's hesitation to just not start giving money at all.

This situation is different from donations to registered charities and other types of similar giving.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/13/2023 04:42PM by Nightingale.

You likely got scammed by a professional scammer.I’ve dealt with several of those—one concerning my grandson and one my wife who they mistook as my daughter. In both cases i demanded talk to them in person— followed by a false imposter pretending to be my grand son the other the “jailer” flaming my “daughter was sleeping offa DUI. I let ‘em on y until they finally gave up and started cussing me. They got no money and the call was bogus

I hate to say it but this is only a beginning. People who don't have $350 to bail out their car don't have enough to pay the rent,utility bills etc.

Had a call a few weeks back, it was from a woman who said "Hello grandpa".

She said she had been in an accident and didnt want me to say anything to anyone and needed money for some bond.

I asked what she needed and where at. She gave various details, who and where the money would be collected.

I agreed I would do everything she asked for but first off she had to tell me her mother's maiden name... lots of stuttering and hmmmm and hass.

"Granddaughter" hung up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/13/2023 08:06PM by tumwater.

That's hilarious. Well done.

Good for you. Lots of scams like that going around.

Wow. Creepy. But well done for checking her out in that simple yet revealing way.

tumwater Wrote:
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> Had a call a few weeks back, it was from a woman
> who said "Hello grandpa".

I got a call from somebody saying "Hi, grandpa, this is your grandson."
I said, "Which one?"
He answered "your favorite grandson!"
I suspected a scam, so I said "Craig?" (I don't have a grandson named Craig)
He said, "Yeah!"
So I said, "Craig, I'm tired of helping you when you get into trouble! After I helped you when you needed money to get out of that Mexican jail, I never heard a word of thank you. So you're on your own!" and hung up.

Haha. Perfect!

Disturbing though, to think how many people get taken in by soulless scamsters.

You are a good man, Eric.

This is why Mormon friends are better than EV friends. Mormons can whip out their temple recommend in case of emergency. Milage may vary, as with magic underwear.