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Posted by: schrodingerscat ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 02:00PM

https://www.mormonsspeak.com/2019/09/04/613-rules-for-members-of-the-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints/

And another one: Rule 614 - Don’t Say MORmON! You are a ‘Doomsday Saint’

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 02:13PM

> 585.  Let nothing be done in strife.


If you're a practicing mormon, this one could save you from:

Paying tithing, attending church, fasting, being harmless as a dove, and many etceteras...



This one: 276. When dancing, avoid full-body contact ... what about when making out?

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Posted by: T-Bone ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 02:14PM

I bet I'm not the only one who went right to Rule 69 to see if it had anything to do with pre-marital fun.

They really missed an opportunity there.

And Rule 613 is a doozy, if you make it that far. At least they have a sense of humor.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 02:18PM

But you should be in your right mind.

Imagine the stories you might make up if you were high...

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Posted by: T-Bone ( )
Date: August 17, 2023 07:26PM

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> But you should be in your right mind.
>
> Imagine the stories you might make up if you were
> high...

Actually, these rules sound like something that were made up by people who could lighten up a little and burn one down every once in a while, in the Ben Harper sense of the word.

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Posted by: schrodingerscat ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 02:45PM

71. Female members should dress modestly.

Male Members can dress as immodestly as they want!

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 02:46PM

16. Do not affiliate with any groups or people opposed to the Church.
25. Read your scriptures daily, especially the Book of Mormon.
26. Be a scriptorian.
27. Read your Sunday School lesson.
30. Do not swear.
31. Pray with family daily.
32. Pray morning and night.
33. Hold family scripture devotional daily.
34. Memorize scriptures.
35. Pray using only King James language, “thee,” “thou,” “thy

I was called out over this silly one.
37. Attend only your assigned Church congregation.

I can understand why I had lots of problems in the church.

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 03:14PM

You reprobate!

Especially egregious - not using King James language.

You have to laugh.

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Posted by: Silence is Golden ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 06:59PM

Thou hast sinned by not saying:

Repent ye, thou reprobate, who hast been found weak in thine desire to indulge in loud laughter.

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Posted by: Bobby ( )
Date: August 16, 2023 06:22PM

A lot of these overlap and repeat, and some are not rules at all e.g. Eden being in Missouri.

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Posted by: CL2 ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 10:37AM

They were really stretching for new ones by the end. Just what I read I would have had to not think or feel or especially be happy. I can't believe I lived it all for as long as I did. I know I didn't do all that this list says to do. I guess I was sinning then and that is why I was tempted to leave the church. I'm being sarcastic.

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Posted by: valkyriequeen ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 11:32AM

Reading all of those rules and "guidelines" just made me feel so relieved to be out of TSCC.

Like c12 said, I can't believe that I tried to live all of that as long as I did.

What hypocrites! On one hand, they're saying to be kind and love each other, and then that's followed by avoid anyone, including family that leaves the church or says anything bad about it.

They speak out against gay marriage, but uphold polygamy.
IMO, the only reason they push the family proclamation is so that they are guaranteed future tithe payers. People are entitled to love who they want and to marry who they want.

My only regret with leaving the church is that I didn't do it sooner.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 02:07PM

254. Only take the Sacrament with your right hand.

I got called into the office over this one- I think I was 26 at the time. It still irks me to this day.

My wife and I got squished into the corner of a pew on the right-side of the chapel. Another couple (bigger than the Goops) added themselves to the small pew as the SM hymn began. My wife did not want to be shoulder rubbing the brother so she got very close to me and my right arm was wedged against the wall.

When the SM tray came, my only free hand was my leftie, south paw. The bishopric observed and called my wife to meet after the service. We felt humiliated to be told that we had improperly partaken of Sacrament.

I told them- Show me where that is doctrine or church policy.

I also brought up the fact that both hands are used during the temple signs and rituals. Which was pointed out that the issue was not about the temple.

They could never prove anything to me other than it was "improper and irreverent" and an abhorrence to God.

It wasn't until here at RfM that I learned about some obscure talk from the 1950s.

So stupid because my home ward had two right handed amputees. Both used their left hand instead of a handless stump or prosthesis to partake of the sacrament

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 02:17PM

263. Do not wear tight or revealing clothing.

Yet, it's acceptable for the brethren to cop a feel for undergarment lines of temple undergarments.

I knew a young man, RM, who was interrogated over his use of a heavy cotton yellow dress shirt. It wasn't translucent enough to see the "smiling" neckline of temple garments which are very visible with "light" polyester blended dress shirts.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 02:28PM

282. Do not spend excessive amounts of time on the Internet or playing video games.

Or this is the exception to the rule?

I have been approached by people (non-members) at work who know that I used to be Mormon asking how they can get these Mormon missionaries to stop bothering them on various social media.

I tell them to be upfront and write F-off! but my coworkers think that's too impolite.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 02:47PM

316. Avoid the appearance of evil.

So one day in a church class I mentioned that I had visited the only open establishment, a saloon that was a bar/grill, to get a tall drink of water after hiking the nearby mountains.

-Oh no. Never do that, Messy. That saloon serves alcohol and other members may think you have a word of wisdom problem.

I met with the bishop so I could hear him motormouth about why Mormons should never visit such evil places. (Good thing I didn't mention that I played around with the knobs on the old cigarette vending machine while my dad was in the men's room).

Fast forward a few months when the church rented a convention hall for a youth conference at Lake Tahoe. Yep, the place had Budweiser decorative streamers in the main hall, posters promoting the King of Beers and ashtrays (when smoking was still permitted inside of venues). Oh my!

So I went over to Brother Prick and Blowhard and asked them why we were choosing to be in an area of evil. The question went over their heads.

So I reminded them of our previous lecture and the hypocrisy flowed!

-Messy, you need to understand that we have to peacefully co-exist in a world where most members aren't blessed of knowing the church or living the gospel. And the church can't own its own building in every place in the world [now it can]. Sometimes, we have to stand righteously together in unholy places.

Shut the front door!

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 02:58PM

349. Be willing to sell everything you have to go to the temple.

Especially your dental fillings.

Please be mindful to remove all dental enamel from said fillings before mailing them to First Presidency.

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 08:53PM

I am familiar with one elderly gentleman who, in desperate need of new reading glasses, sent his teeth instead of just the fillings.

He eats a lot of oatmeal.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 10:58PM

  
  

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: August 18, 2023 11:08PM

Wait--you too?

I was talking about D&D!

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: August 23, 2023 05:45PM

I will forgo reading the list under the assumption I've broken most of them...or will.

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Posted by: schrodingerscat ( )
Date: August 25, 2023 08:24PM

I didn't read the whole list either.
I read the first 5, the middle 5 and the last 5 and got the gist.
Stupid Rules, mainly aimed at getting you to pay the Mob Boss GodFather your protection $$$$.

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Posted by: tumwater ( )
Date: August 24, 2023 12:59AM

I read all the rules and thought back 50+ year when I was totally enamoured with my Molly Mormon girlfriend.

She was very LDS in what I thought was her entire life. But as I look back at our time together we broke many of the rules about physical behavior.

I now think she would have met with her bishop after every one of our dates. Through a mutual friend I did learn that she talked about me in some young adult LDS religious meetings.

Things could have gone further, but I think someone got to her and made her break up our relationship. All she said was that she was reminded of the goals she had established and in particular the one about marrying a RM.

Thinking about it, if we had worked things out and we had gotten married, things would have been great for about five years, but maybe we'd been divorced within ten years if we stuck with our religious beliefs.

I wouldn't trade the family I have or the life experiences I've enjoyed. It's like I took one road and have had a great life and just maybe I could have taken another road and had just as rewarding life on that route.

After all these years I remember the good times with her. None of the other women I dated are burnt into memory as my Molly Mormon.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: August 24, 2023 11:59AM

> None of the other women I
> dated are burnt into memory
> as my Molly Mormon.

I last saw mine in 1965.

I have the intelligence to realize that we would not have been compatible over the long run, but when what little intelligence I have escapes into the vacuum of senility, ego and emotion will prevail, and I'll be left contemplating the wonderful life we could have had.  It'll be like selecting the good parts of the bible; fiction to support make-believe thinking.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: August 25, 2023 10:50AM

30. F%$# that!

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