Whenever a prayer is offered up to Kolob, it is captured and funneled into the Prayer Intake Terminal (PIT). From there each prayer is given a Label Of Authorized Destination (LOAD) and dispersed into the sacred channels of Complete Resolution And Promise (CRAP). Once the prayers have been identified as a Load of Crap, they are sorted into the Three Degrees of Glory Holes. Celestial Prayers are stamped as priority and answered right away. Terrestrial Prayers (TP) and Telestial Prayers (also TP), are sent to Uranus to become moon dust.

In the pit are Some Newly Acquired Kolobian Elite (SNAKE) spirits who make sure that no prayers are lost or misdirected. After all, each prayer is sacred and this ain’t no taffy-pullin operation.

So, when you misplace your keys and offer up a sincere prayer for help in finding them, be assured that your prayer will be properly received, processed in the Snake-Pit, and answered according to the Load of Crap it contains.

How are they answered, though?

If you pray and it is not answered, it is simply "not god's will for you". If he's going to do what he wants regardless then what is the point?

If you pray for someone to do something or feel something (Lord, please soften their hearts/please inspire them to do X) what is it you're praying for god to do? Does his spirit possess and take control of people much in the similar way demons are said to? How is he influencing people to do things? How does it seem right or good to ask your champion spirit, your familiar, to do your bidding and puppeteer people with his power?

I posit that prayer, by its very function, is an immoral act, if not simply an outright useless endeavor simply to placate and soothe your own spirit and nothing more.

God answers prayers by building temples, buying cattle ranches and stockpiling billions of dollars for rainy day funds.