So I'm taking in my garbage cans this afternoon, when these two Missionaries are walking by. They stop to greet me, and ask if I need any help. (I'm on the upper edge of 60).

It's no surprise seeing them, as our little burg in Central Washington has a pretty large LDS presence, and I see a variety of these guys walking by relatively often in my neighborhood and around town.

Nice looking kids, really poster boys for the Missionary vision you'd expect.

I bite the bullet, and tell them yes...I need help with yard work. Fall clean-up stuff - raking, some lopping of branches, the usual chores....because....

I've heard that these young men have to perform a certain amount of community service as part of their duties, and I've been wanting to approach them for some time.

As a senior, I wanted someone I could trust and not get ripped off.

We chatted for about 15 minutes. I explained that I would provide all the tools they'd need to do the work. They fed treats to my rescue dogs, and one of them even took a picture of himself with one of my feral kittens sitting on top of his Book of Mormon that he was holding!

I've been so independent for so long, and it was so hard to ask for help, but I just can't do it all any more.

During our chat, I explained that I know that they are away from their homes, and have a rigorous schedule, but if they could fit this in, it would be most appreciated.

One of them texted me right away (oh, Lordy, they have my phone number now...) and said they'd get back to me with when they could come.

I was also invited to some kind of musical sing-along service this Sunday. I demurred, saying I would consider it (not!), and added that (not in so many words, of course), they could skip the proselytizing, because I wasn't going to be converted. They were cool with that.

So...was it okay to do this? Can I offer a gift card when they are done so they can treat themselves to a pizza or something?

I'd appreciate any guidance this forum can offer.

Are the young men offering charity, or charity with an agenda? With the Mormons, you know how this is likely to go. Your call.

I know this, and it's why I was a little leery of doing it. But I'll deal with the ones that come down the pike, if it comes to that. Thanks for your answer.

You can offer them anything you want to. the questions would be: 1) would they accept the offer; 2) would their zone leader take the gift certificate away from them when he learned of its existance; and 3) would the missionaries view your generosity as an invite for more proseletizing.

Since my suspicions as to the answers would be 1) no; 2) yes; and 3) yes, I think it would be best to keep your generosity to yourself and to people outside of the missionaries.

They said no, when I asked them what the protocol was for offering them some remittance for the work they had done. This was not unexpected to me.
Sad to think their zone leader would have taken it.
How about if I had offered them cash? Would they still be required to report it, or just go and grab the pizza before they got back to where they needed to be?
Would they do that, or is it so engrained that they would have felt the need to report that they had been paid?
Thanks for your response.

You gave them something to do other than their usual drudge work. I'm sure they were grateful just for that. On top of being of service. Don't worry about it.

It's the church that takes advantage of these boys. If you can call it a church, I call it a cult. They are likely to have stunted emotional development due to being raised in it. I see missionaries as a kind of prison chain gang where the chains are mental.

Ouch! "Prison chain gang" is strong stuff!
One of the boys struggled with some of my more simple instructions, and frankly looked like he'd never held a rake or worked outdoors a day in his life.
He just seemed kind of...lost, but was cordial enough.
In retrospect, I see him as some kind of sheep in this system.

They offered to help and you took them up on the offer. No problem there.

I would treat them kindly, feed them, and giving them a gift card would be perfectly fine. I've done that several times when I've been in a burger joint and seen them there. Other times I've paid for there stuff in a 7-11, or just given them $20 to get some lunch when I've met them on the street.

You let them know you aren't interested in the church which is good. Now show them how nice a person like can be. That will send more of a message to them than challenging their beliefs like some people like to do.

They demurred on any compensation, and weren't here long enough to stay for lunch, which I would have provided.
They didn't provoke me into attending anything, but I'd be naive to say I don't expect more of the brethen to show up at my doorstep.
Appreciate your reply!

Kindness is a good thing. As others have said, tell them you have no interest in the church yet you are concerned for their well being. They will remember.

I sure hope so. Nice enough kids (to me at my age!), and did what they could while they were here.
I told them how much I appreciated it, and they went on their merry way.
No harm, no foul, in my book.

They have a lot of time to fill, and generally hate going door to door trying to sell religion. They are likely thrilled at the opportunity to fill some time doing yard work. You would be doing them a favor.

Pizza or a KFC box or something like that would be, er, icing on the cake. Do that. All you need to do is be firm in deflecting the proselytizing.

Edit To Add: you'd be doing your neighborhood a favor too, by keeping them from bothering your neighbors for an afternoon. Everybody wins. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/03/2023 12:01PM by Brother Of Jerry.

Thanks for that advice. I'll keep it in mind if this ever occurs again.

That's fine. A pizza, bucket of chicken or box of donuts will suffice.

The downside, of course, is that you're now "in the system." This pair may be reasonable, but their time is limited and they'll be replaced by others who will have your contact info at hand. Some will be pleasant enough, while others will be more aggressive; they may try to guilt you into attending church because they helped you and now (they think) you owe them; the most obnoxious might be "bold" and openly call you to repentance. You'll have to decide how to address the ones who step over your boundaries.

the OP asked 'was I wrong in doing this?'

OOPS! Right / Wrong are the exclusive domain of ChurchCo, its affiliates and/or franchisees / subsidiaries


there are No Guardrails in Morland



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/03/2023 06:31PM by GNPE.

Errgg, I know. That's why I said something in my original post about giving out my phone number. It seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do at the time, as they needed to contact me about when they would show up. But later, I kind of cringed, thinking "oh no...."
I'd like to think I can be pretty firm at times at deflecting attempts at proseltyzing, as I have beaten away the LDS bunch and the Jehovahs at my doorstep more than once.
But they offered the help when I asked, and refused compensation when offered.
So done deal. I don't "owe" them anything.
I appreciate your insight.

I think the dynamic is likely going to be controlled by the missionaries.

Hardcore believers, trying to please ghawd, the MP and their DLs, ZLs and APs, are going to preach at you, cuz it's for your own good.

I don't know that the percentage breakdown might be, but there are likely to be plenty of elders quite happy to take you at your word and just enjoy 'serving' by being thankful and respectful.  They can always say that they were just being good examples.

I've never shirked from calmly explaining, in detail, why I left the church but I've never had to do that during chance encounters with missionaries or when we used to feed them.

I think it’s great they were able to help you, I’m glad you asked. If any future missionaries become pushy I’m sure you’ll be kind but reiterate what you said to these about no proselytising.

Sounds like a win win - you received help and they had a nice person to do stuff for.

If it were me I’d give them some money, maybe $20 to go get hamburgers.

And to answer your question… personally, no, I don’t think you were wrong :)

They were nice enough kids, and did what they could in the time allotted them - any help was welcome.
Thank you for your kind response.

They got your phone number and name and address and couldn't stay long because they have so many numbers and addresses and names to collect everyday.

Why not ask them if you did the right thing instead of us?

Solicited charity work is a cute masquerade for name and information gathering helping their $100,000,000,000.00 dollar investment funds! Ir's now all about "See see, we really are a church", don't sue us.

There's nothing wrong with being kind and generous.

However, you may have trouble later on because they don't understand that you're not interested. You may find the missionaries dropping by your home at odd hours, frequent texts, emails and calls. The missionaries sometimes don't accept being told "no" later on.

I once had a missionary companion who would only knock on residences with "No Trespassing or No Soliciting" signs. He would climb over locked fences and gates. He thought those people needed the church more than the "nice" people. Sometimes, he would go back to the house where the person had yelled at us the week before.

Wow, that's just crazy nutso fanatic stuff...climbing over fences?

In all reality, do they really think that people are going to respond positively to that kind of pressure and persuasion?

At my house, no means "NO", both inside, and outside of its walls. And I do have a 'No Soliciting' sign next to my door!

I don't know enough to comment on how you are paired up with a missionary companion, but it's cringe-worthy to think you had to spend time with someone like that, and be dragged along for the ride.

Sometimes I just sigh and shake my head at the insanity of it all. And that's speaking as a Nevermo.

Thank you for that insight and heads-up.

But really, why do I feel like I have to be on my guard just for having had a brief interaction with someone who is LDS? You wouldn't give it a second thought if they were Catholic, Baptist, Episcopalian or Hindu, would you?

That's just kind of spooky, isn't it?

That's a young man who doesn't know the meaning of the word, "No." What could possibly go wrong?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/07/2023 05:09AM by summer.

Gee, I dunno...
But it's worrisome to imagine what boundaries he might overstep in his personal or professional life down the road, don't you think?

This is what they are doing nowadays as, per my TBM daughter, there isn't a lot for them to do. I ran into a set of them out walking my dogs some years ago a short way up the street. It was Sunday and they were curious about whether I was mormon or not. Told them I had resigned.

They literally BEGGED me to allow them to come and do some yard work or something and they promised not to proselyte at all.

I saw the female missionaries at the local gas station/store asking the people in line if they could help them do something around their yard like weed.

And I think it was very kind of you to give them compensation. I hope some higher up doesn't take it from them.

It would be like winning the Publishers' Clearinghouse Sweepstakes if someone offered to come and do yard work for me...or wash my windows...or wash my car...

There is so much work to be done if you just look around. Do roadside clean-up. Just show up and sweep out a Mom & Pop parking lot without asking. You get the drift. It doesn't take a lot of imagination.

And compensation was offered, but not accepted. As stated above, I would gladly have provided lunch, but they did not stay long enough, as it was mid-morning. I would never have imagined that a monetary offer would be taken from them, or I would have had a couple of dozen donuts or something on hand that they could have enjoyed.

I learn more here every time I post...and all of it eye-opening.