Those who have been in relationships learn that it requires a give and take on both sides. Each person must accept the flaws of the other or this relationship isn’t going to last for very long.

Imagine for a minute that Randy and Nancy are a couple. Randy gives Nancy a long list of rules that she must follow. Nancy doesn’t want to offend Randy so she tries to follow his rules.

Nancy has a habit of squeezing the toothpaste in the middle and this irritates Randy. He reminds Nancy that this is one of his rules and must be obeyed. A few days later Nancy forgets and leaves the tube with a slight dent in the middle.

Randy notices the dent and immediately calls Nancy into the bathroom. He reminds her that his rules are not to be broken, ever, and are only there to help her to become a better person.

Nancy starts to cry and says that she is sorry and won’t do it again. Randy unfazed, takes away the toothpaste and tells her that she can’t brush her teeth, in his house, for a year.

A few days later Randy caught her brushing her teeth with his toothpaste and she had squeezed it in the middle. He freaks out and calls 12 of his friends to come over. They take Nancy into the bathroom, point to the toothpaste, and demand to know why she did it, when she did it, and how many times she did it.

They send Nancy out into the hall while they discuss this very dire matter. They then call Nancy back into the bathroom and tell her how much they love her but that she can’t live in Randy’s house anymore.

They take away her toothbrush and tell the neighbors that she can’t brush her teeth in any of their houses ever again.

Does this seem a little extreme?

Actual event:

I make friends with a Catholic Family in the mission field, they have a 18 year old daughter.

Ward leaders think I am up to something, and try to wring a confession.

I go home one month later after serving a full two years, local leaders try to wring a confession from me.

My temple recommend is taken away and my homecoming talk is assigned and I am not allowed to discuss my mission at all.

I report to the Stake High Council and am told what I can or cannot say to them.

I find out later than I was listed as a dishonorable missionary on my records.

Several months after returning home, I am then told I have been forgiven for my transgression that never occurred. No apologies, they did not find their behavior out of line.

Yes, your story is extreme, but it does happen, but without the toothpaste.

But the best part of this true story was I told them to take the temple recommend they offered to give back to me and shove it up their backside. That is probably why for years after I was always told I had an attitude problem, it is likely they recorded my response on my membership record.

I think Randy has a porn addiction problem and needs counseling from Jodi H.

Not necessarily. Controlling, codependent relationships can be give on one side and take on the other.

One advice I was glad to hear from a friend:

Parters take turns, say for 2 weeks, ‘who’s in charge over ordinary minor issues…

I have some lists to share in case others want to look, please email me.


Love & loving First, share life’s treasure’s & challenges.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2024 02:12AM by GNPE.

This is why Nancy got her own toothpaste so she could squeeze it any way she likes. The divorce only came years later.