When I met my husband I was being considered and found out later that I was going to be hired as a criminal investigator for NCIS (back then it was NIS). My life would have gone in an entirely different direction.

Had you not gone the wife and motherhood route, where would life have taken you?

I got married after leaving mo-ism, so the world's my oyster.

.....SANDIE....DO YOU LOOK LIKE ABBY?? :) she is so damn cute! and funny and smart and..... :)

I'm getting my Ph.D. at an Ivy League school, now. I'm also getting respect and recognition for my research ideas. But,
I'd have done it 15 years earlier and been much further along in my career if it hadn't been for the shackles the Morg puts on it's women.

I didn't go the route of wife and mommy because it looked like slavery to me. Or at least, apartheid.

So I went to journalism school and became a magazine editor. Now I work for a major international publisher, rearranging commas all day.

I'm particularly amused by your assumption that all exmormon women, 100% of us, are married and have children.



DISCLAIMER: Although I left the church at 18, I made the choice to go the career route while still in high school and still attending YW/Church. My mom, a nonmormon, always wanted me to be able to take care of myself in case my husband couldn't or wouldn't get a job, or I became divorced or widowed. "I want you to always have something to fall back on, so you don't have to depend on a man to feed you or keep a roof over your head." Best. Advice. Ever. I could have had both family and career, but the more independent and self-sufficient I became, the less I could see the need for a partner in life at all.

I don't think the OP was making any assumptions, just throwing it out there to those of us who made that choice. Geez calm down.

Anyway, my career would be as a lawyer. I graduated from law school but then had kids right away so I haven't been able to practice yet. I would be a lot father along in my career if I put off having kids.

At least I've completed my education and I'm so grateful for that. Most of the TBM SAHMs I know dropped out of school as soon as they got married.

quote: I "re-arrange commas all day". My posts must make you cringe <sigh> Most of the time when I re-read them I notice it and just cringe. I wrote and translated several items and always thought: "Thank God for editors".
re: my occupation would be 'full-time nurse in the Military', I just got to be a 'weekend warrior' as DOD at the time did not allow both parents to serve in the Miltary at the same time. My former husband served first. He died. The church wants moms to earn a trade just in case. With so many in the church having been told to have tons of kids, when should she do that?
But most women are strong by nature and somehow we make it.

actually i read that as.... IF you were a sahm what would you have done..... not that all were sahm's.... and doggy must really hate the..........'s :)

Whatever!....Now, all of you, back into the kitchen and fix my dinner!

Fix your dinner?

Why? Is it broken?

I'm just now going back to school after 10 years or so. I spent one year in college before I got married and it became necessary that ONLY my husband get a degree so he could support me and dozens of children. Luckily, I never had any kids with him and we're now divorced. So I'm well on my way to the career that I dreamed of, but I'm just a little behind.

Psychiatrist

I am fascinated by psychology and have always done really well in school (4.0 in HS and college). I was working toward the goal of becoming a clinical psychologist when I decided to find something that was more "practical" for a mom.

My hubby encouraged me to go all the way with my education but I felt too guilty. He would have been happy to be the stay at home dad too but we both felt like "The Proclamation to the Family" ruled that out. Mothers were supposed to stay home and nurture while fathers were to provide. I couldn't find support and acceptance in the church to be the breadwinner so we didn't go that route. Oh well, I'm not dead yet. Maybe it will still happen...

I KNEW all you posters were smart!! I feel like a peon whenever I post. But I so appreciate your smartness and wisdom. And I never wanted to anything but a mom.Even if I wasn't raised mormon I still woud have only wanted the husband,kids,dog and white picket fence. I had all 12 kids named when I was 12. I made it to 9 and didn't use any of the names. But now,if I divorce,what in the heck am I supposed to do? No skills. I did day care for 17 years and fostered 24 kids,so I guess that would be my job till I was 70 or so. I guess it could be worse.

Journalist.

I was majoring in husbandology at Ricks and BYU, but my cover was a microbiology major because it's what I was interested in just in case I (gasp) got through college without being married. Lucky for me (or so I thought) I got married, pregnant, dropped out of college and followed "the plan."

Unfortunately, when the plan didn't go exactly as planned all I could do was work as a secretary, so after working in legal offices for a number of years, the easiest thing to do post-divorce/post-mormon was to get a paralegal degree. It gives me a decent job, but not what I would have chosen if I hadn't loaned my brain to the mormon church at the age of 20.

college and become a school teacher - elementary education, minor in music and/or psychology. Had a room mate, and was accepted ....then converted to the LDS Church and that changed my life completely. I had no idea where it was going at the time. I still took some college classes in my area though. And I
taught children (mostly, some adults) but it was music, part time, either at home or in a studio for many years in three or more states.

I personally have no desire for a career other than homemaking. I actually enjoyed the "Molly Mormon" aspect of the church. The childrearing, the cleaning, cooking and crafting. Those are all things that I actually find a lot of joy in.

The problem I had with the Church and the gender roles that they enforced was just that...well...they were ENFORCED. I enjoy a more "traditional" role as a woman, but a lot of women don't find homemaking alone to be satisfying personally. The Church doesn't really have much patience for women who don't fit into their neatly pegged description of femininity, and it's horribly unfair.

For the record, I did go to college, but more as a backup in case my husband's income doesn't cut it or he passes away. My degree is in Human Services.

RETIRED! I started working at 12, and have never stopped. I am an accountant, but work for a mid size oil and gas company in the Royalties and Special Projects. Do not particularly love my job, but I am good at it, and it pays quite well. I have now worked for 32 years of my life and if I did not have kids, I would be planning to retire at about now.

Oh well, got to keep on trucking to pay for that very expensive (and worthwhile) education I want my children to have.

But seriously, if I could travel back in time I would have left the accounting behind and pursued a carrer in ARTS! It was discouraged when I was growing up as my parents wanted me to do something I could actually support myself with. I was very good, winning many contests that I entered, and even came first place in a Provincial Arts contest where a teacher entered one of my drawings. My sister went into Photography and Graphic arts and she does very well for herself, she was the 2nd born and the rebelious one in the family. I wish I had proven my parents wrong, and rebelled just a bit.

It remains my passion and past time, but not a career choice.

I'm a poster child for the Mobride drop-out. Now, I don't think I will finish my graphic design degree. It's not practical for me to go the design route. I'd have to start all over and I'm not willing to do that.

I'm spending much of my time lately trying to uncover MY wants and desires. They've been buried for a long time under what TSCC said I should do. I have experience in property management and just applied for two good paying jobs yesterday. Wish me luck 'cause the queen has bills to pay!

MY parents actually wanted me to keep going to school and were bitterly disappointed when I decided to marry at age 18
So glad I did not listen to them.

However, my husband is 10 years older and he was already financially established at our marriage. This allowed me the leisure of playing at whatever I wanted to do. We only had a couple of kids and I did get my degree also.

Note that at crucial junctures I simply chose not to follow the church's plan, or to modify it. Now we're all out of Mormonism due to DNA.

I do fill-ins at work occasionally but What can I say, I'm an introvert and I enjoy being alone in the house, reading books and listening to classical music. Or lying around by the pool reading books, science mostly.

I think maybe I'm a bit lazy but I like having a lot of unstructured time on my hands.
There isn't much I would change, except we should have dumped Mormonism sooner.

I would have still been what I have been. I wanted to be a secretary and I loved being one--up until I had kids at age 28. I worked for the scientists and chemists who developed the propellent for the space shuttle.

After having my twins, I learned medical transcription and I've been doing it for over 24 years now, working for all the big hospitals in Utah and now some in California (my kids will be 25 this month). I still like the job. It has given me a lot of freedom to work the hours I pick and choose and be a single mother who could be around 24/7 for my kids.

I'm glad I didn't have more than 2 kids, but I'd never give them up. I always just wanted to be a mom and a secretary.

I am a medical records coder but have been on a break for 3 years. I have some questions regarding HIM...I am out-of-the loop. I thought you might be able to answer a few of my questions. Thanks and I understand if you prefer not to!

Sleeping_angel_1@hotmail.com P.S. Susan and I have exchanged email msgs. regarding sugar gliders so if she remembers, she can vouch for me that I am not a troll..or something!

It made me stop and think. I spend a good bit of complaint time dwelling on the fact that I married a month after my 19th birhtday and by age 24 I had three children under the age of four and all in diapers at once for a little while. What might I have done with those 5 or 6 years?

Frankly I don't know, but when that youngest was a year old I returned to college at BYU. Three years later I had completed a master's degree and had out of town job offers, one of which I accepted, allowing my spouse to know the joys of stay at home parenthood. (He picked up a PhD in his spare time!) We even had one more child so he could really get the whole experience.

So - would I have even bothered with the master's had I spend my 20's "having more fun?" Today I help little bioscience companies to start up. It is so much fun! And since I started young the kids are all mostly out of the nest. I have friends my age who had their first children when my grandchildren were being born. We each kind of envy each other. Except that there are NO TEENAGERS in my house. I do spend my weekends with teens, but I don't have to feed them!

I didn't get married until my late 20s so I had time to do some fun stuff:

Nanny
Secretary
BA in English/French
Certified Ski Instructor
Ski School Manager
Proofreader/Copy Writer
Editor

During the time I was full-time at home I found it necessary to improve our street/area; heading a neighborhood committee that got the first neighborhood roundabout in Sugar House (Salt Lake). After we got divorced, I obtained my teaching certificate and finished a masters degree. Now I teach full-time while coaching a girls' tennis team and instruct our recreational ski team.

Life's pretty okey-dokey.

There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM. I didn't follow the typical pattern--I actually graduated from BYU and enjoyed a career for several years. I married in my early 30s. I was wanted to be a SAHM--I was able to do so for only 2 years with my baby and preschooler, and then had to go to work. I have managed to volunteer at their schools and be an involved parent--but my heart always yearned to work just part time or be able to devote myself full time to my kids while they were young. My Peter Priesthood husband --ironically enough--never was supportive of my being at home. I feel cheated. I wanted to be a SAHM not because I was LDS, but because that's where I wanted to be.

Nonetheless, I have a satisfying career now in my middle-age, and will be able to take care of myself and my kids.

If a woman feels that it's best for her to work part or full time while being a mother or if its best that she stay at home, who are we to judge?

Following "The Plan" didn't work for me, though.

I grew up outside the Moridor, and identified more with my PhD father than with my RS Pres Mother. I loved athletics and education, which landed me a scholarship to BYU. My love of learning kept me from being completely dominated by the cult. It also led to a great career--eventually.

The plan was to be a SAHM, stay athletic, play with my children, volunteer at their schools, be a team mother, have a beautiful home, entertain, garden, read, have two boys and two girls, a cat and a dog. I married a man who had the exact same dream, only he wanted to live by the beach, far from home, which was fine with me! I lived my dream, in the sunshine, and enjoyed every minute of it! I was--and am--a domestic homebody at heart. I love my children more than anything else in life. To be a SAHM would still be my first choice.

Fortunately, I graduated from BYU, and went to two other "real" universities for advanced degrees, and had my foot in the door, career-wise. I had a brief disatrous temple marriage, before I married the father of my children. We had an OK marriage, with him in charge, doing what he wanted to do. I would leave the kids with babysitters to go to parties, away on ski weekends, out on the boat with friends, etc. with my husband. I left the Mormon church for him, early in our marriage.

It is true that a woman can't count on anyone else. DH cheated on me, and completely abandoned me and the children. I had to support my children and go to school at the same time, for three years, in order to qualify to continue with the career I was educated for. It was worth the struggle, though, and I am living another dream, now, the dream of a career that makes me happy and that serves others as well. I also have the flexibility to be with my children when they need me. My children have turned out very well, so far, so good! My biggest personal regret is that when DH abandoned us, I was in a state of panic, and was lured back into the Mormon cult for a few years.

I feel like I did it all, because I had to.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/03/2010 04:31AM by forestpal.