Hey, I typed it all in and the thread closed in between. The question was "how late in life do single Mormons continue attending awkward church dances?"

I guess it depends how TBM they are ... and if they are in the Morridor or outside. Local stake had YSA dances with 18-30+ year olds attending (they are quite liberal and kind of leave it up to the individual to decide when he/she is too old; most stop by 35). An area with a large number of singles in 30s-40s can have their own "midsingles" dances.

There are even all-singles dances that creep the young singles out because they are expected to mingle with anyone alive. Age 18-100.

My guess is someone on the planning committee suggested a sock hop because "aww it will be fun!" I've never been to one but I heard people talking about it. Go figure, they think it's retro :)

It sounds horrifying. I know that her singles ward is 18-30, but if you're still single after 30 it's up to you if you want to stay or go to family ward. I can't imagine being 35 years old and dressing up in a poodle skirt to go do the handjive with 19 year olds. It's so... creepy.

We are NOT in the morridor, but they are pretty relaxed for a ChurchCo. I think she has very little pressure from her Bishop and constant never ending pressure from her TBM mom who thinks she'll fall away from the church and break up the eternal family.

The young single wards tend to have strong dynamics in play ... often there is the older group (25-30) and the younger group (18-25) and they don't mix too much socially. I went to one that had a lot of grad school aged singles and not that many undergrads so it was actually fun most of the time. And yet, I left at 32 feeling like I was too old. A straight guy might stay longer to increase his chances of finding a girl.

Dances were always awkward for me, though, regardless of age groups. Always more girls than guys, everyone fighting for attention of the RMs, ugh. So happy to be out!

It sounds like she got pretty decent bishop; being outside the morridor helps in that.

... deleted ... wrong place



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2011 03:27PM by notion.

When you guys were Mos did you actually WANT to go to these things? Or did you pretend to want to go in order to keep up appearances. I'm just curious because I'm picturing what would happen if any other group grown adults deciding to have a sock hop for themselves... I get the appeal when you're 16 and all, but at 26 you can go out and meet people all by yourself and you don't have to wear a poodle skirt and listen to church-approved music to do it.

Yeah, that would make much more sense ... unless you are a mormon. Mormons are taught that anybody not in the church can be evil. And if they are not evil, you should befriend them so that you can teach them 'the gospel.' The world is painted as unsafe while the LDS church has all the answers and all you need to be happy.

So, in my case as a mormon back then, I would be absolutely NOT excited about the actual sock hopping but probably would go to try to be social and to 'support those who organized it because they put so much into the activity.'

Funny thing is that as a mormon I did not realize how much influence the LDS church had over me and my thoughts. I was so used to feeling awkward I thought nothing of it. Actually, I thought the only way to stop feeling awkward was to be the perfect TBM, which made me feel even more awkward. Catch 22.

Mormons are expected to attend all the activities the church organizes for them. It completely replaces your social life if you let it. If you don't come, next time everyone asks you where you were and you are told over and over you were missed and all that bs.

It's funny to write about it now when I see if from the outside. It really is messed up.

dang! i keep doing this today ... moved again :(



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2011 04:56PM by notion.

That sounds like exactly what's happening. When she talks about going to ward nights it's always to say there's no one to talk to there. Everyone's either 19 or creepy, and she doesn't have any friends there and she doesn't like anyone there. But then she tells me she has to go because she needs to be social and she doesn't have any friends. Only she does have friends. Lots of them who are really fun and not creepy and who conversations aren't forced with. So what I think she means is that she doesn't have any friends at church, and since she's at church four nights a week, that's a lot like not having any friends. It's such crap.

It's hard to break out of it, unfortunately. It wasn't until "I" decided I need to remove myself from the LDS influence for my own sanity that I did something about it. I still went to church for a while but not to activities any more. Then I stopped completely.

Lots of single women feel the same way in the church after they reach certain age. Like you are the only one there who is normal. Often, that is true. My theory is that normal guys that stay single just leave the church while ladies stay there believing they are more special and spiritual than men because they (ladies) stay while they (guys) leave. Creeps do stay or perhaps normal men turn to creeps after all the anti-sex anti-porn anti-masturbation doctrine is pounded deep into their heads. Okay, off my soap box.

I wish she'd figure that out. If she still wants to buy into the Mormon delusion and go to church every Sunday then whatever, but all these activities and meetings are ridiculous. She's constantly telling me that they're awkward and boring and she doesn't like going, but when I suggest just not going then she looks at me like I'm nuts. It sucks when you know someone is smart enough to see through all this crap, but they're stubbornly refusing to even entertain the possibility that the church might not be true. I don't think that's even something that crosses her mind. We were talking about the BofM once and I told her I had read it and that it was really boring. She was shocked. Shocked! She couldn't believe I didn't find it fascinating and entertaining and kept referencing all these super exciting parts that I should read again. The MorgMind is strong with this one. Which is a shame because the rest of her mind is awesome.

You can't just not go because your perceived mormon social status is based on your activity -- that includes callings you have and how important they are, your attendance and participation on Sunday, your attendance at all the other events, whether you have a valid temple recommend, how often you go to the temple, etc. That's aside from some spiritual worthiness (do you pray 3 times a day? do you bless all your food? do you read scriptures every day? do you think clean thoughts? are you chaste? do you pay your tithing? I could go on and on).

When I was at that stage, I was in no way receptive to any direct questioning of doctrines or church. I would feel I was right because it "felt right." I may do things I know are against the doctrine but my "testimony" was there always. I would feel sorry for the other person because they were the ones missing out on all the wonderful blessings. Blah. Makes me want to shoot myself now.

Now, if there was a church activity I didn't really care about and my non-mo friends would have something else going on that was more fun, I'd skip the church one pretty easily. If there was nothing else going on, I felt I should go to the church one.

It is a strong mindf#@! It took me several years to go fully from "no more church activities or fake church friends" to "no more church." During that time, I still felt like I had to defend mormons and their teachings because most people knew I was mormon but mostly because they still made sense in my head.

It's hard to break a habit, that's for sure, but even more when it comes to mormons.