Posted by:
loveskids
(
)
Date: November 06, 2010 11:00PM
First let my officially introduce myself. I've been posting for a few months,but I just rudely jumped right in. I'm sure some of you have picked up a few things about me. I'm 58-married 38 years with 9 kids ages 7-36.6 adopted-3 bio. I stopped going to church 15 months ago when I left home with my 2 youngest to get away from dh's mental and emotional abuse. We were gone 4 weeks and I continued to stay home from church. I didn't have one guilty thought about it. I was kind of hoping for someone to miss me and inquire about me. Bishop-RS Prez.(who was a good friend) hell,anyone. Every week dh would come home and say..."nope-no one asked about you". I was in a very fragile state because of what I had been through the past month. I found out a few months later that dh had TOLD the bishop and RS Prez. I wanted NO contact and would get made if they did contact me. I became disgusted with the mormon church when the bish finally called me in and treated me with such disrespect. I went home,pulled out my lap top and typed in exmormon. And you know what happened next. Shock,disgust,betrayel and ANGER!! I have 4 TBM kids,one agnostic,2 Christian,and my 7 and 10 year old I am now raising Christian. My dh is VERY TBM...and the biggest hypocrit I have ever met. My kids have been allowed to cuss at me,hit me,and totally disrespect me. Dh has not one time stepped in to stop the abuse. Of course,I do my damnest to stop the behavior,and NEVER allow the 2 youngest to talk disrespectfully to their dad. I was the same with all the kids when they lived at home.I have been in a room with 4-8 of my kids plus dh,and one of the kids says something very smart-ass to me. I am crushed,and not one person comes to my rescue. Dh does nothing,and has taught the kids to do the same. This has happened many times. You can't imagine how much of a loser I feel like. Not once in 38 years has dh defended me. He has no backbone,and I know he secretly enjoys looking like the better parent. I have had to do all the disciplining in the family because he doesn't want to "hurt their feelings". He must be the good parent at all costs. He said in a counceling session last summer "my kids come first,my church second.and my wife third." He said it two times. I have been in counceling for over a year,but have had to stop with both because of his lying and manipulation. He is also a cronic,compulsive liar. Things came to a head in July of 09. My then 19 year old dd wanted a nose job for a slight bump on her nose. Ummmm.no. I told her no from the beginning. And insurance wouldn't cover it and it would cost about $7,ooo. Dd would always tell me how stupid I was for telling her no. Well,behind my back dh made the appt.-took her to the consultation and put down $2500. and took her back for the surgery. I had no idea until he brought her home one morning all bandaged up. This is when I took the 2 youngest and left. I wasn't able to look that dd in the eyes for a very long time. She has learned dh gives her what ever she wants,including paying $1,000's on her bills. I have no relationship with this dd,she and her dad have become very close and secretive when ever they are around me. It's a bizarre relationship. I also have no relationship with 2 of the other tbm kids yet they talk to their dad every day. He tells them very inapropriate things,including telling ds about our sex life. I have never said anything negative about dh to my children. He has said horrible,cruel things to them about me. He told them I was mentally ill and that was why Ihad so many problems. He has brainwashed them,and because he lies so much,and cries when he is lying,they just believe him. And me leaving the church has compounded the problem immensley. The pain and despair I have gone through because of dh has caused me untold grief. There have been many nights I cry so hard and have panic attacks,and I don't know how I will survive until the morning. This past year especially I have found out so many things dh has said about me to the kids,church members,family and total strangers. And he comes across as so believable. I found out that for 22 YEARS he was telling MY brother terrible things about me. Graphic details of our sex life. This is my only surviving sibling. He has 4 brothers but has no relationship with any. My brother finally realized what was going on and now hates dh. I guess dh bore his testimony at church and whatever he said caused members to feel so sorry for him and rally around him. The R.S. called him on his birthday!He is seen as the stalward,brave,righteous,loving husband of a poor ungreatful wife. I have read some of the e-mails he has sent to ward members and his testimony is stronger now than it ever has been. He is reading "Rough Stone Rolling" and his love and respect for JS has grown. I am miserable at home,and mainly concerned about my 2 youngest. I will not let him destroy my relationship with them. My 10 year old calls his dad names and dh does nothing. I am so tired of being the only one to step in and discipline that I have stopped when it comes to the 2 youngest and their dad. He will have to deal with that. I can hardly stand to be in my home because of the constant reminder of what I have lost. I know how often the kids call dh and text him and send him e-mails. I know my ds invited dh to his daughters baptism in 2 weeks and I knew nothing about it. I know when ds sends sonogram text pictures to dh and I didn't even know they were having a girl. I just want to run away with my 2 youngest and start over. I'm sorry if I seem melodramtic,but the pain is so real and so close to my heart. I never expected anything like this to happen. I've always been very close to my kids,and as far as dh-I don't know what to say about that. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated. I could have written for 2 more hours,but I think I conveyed my feelings. Thankyou everyone. I can't believe I feel comfortable enough to say all these things to people I have never met,but I don't know where else to turn. I don't have any friends that understand mormonism and how it affects your life.