Posted by:
forestpal
(
)
Date: November 08, 2010 05:48PM
You really do have a choice. No matter what your choice is, you deserve to be happy.'
I've been single, in a nightmare abusive marriage, divorced, married and happy for 13 years, and divorced a second time as a single mother. Being beaten was the worst, by far!
Though happiness mainly comes from within, it DOES MATTER WHO YOU MARRY. I was told by the Mormons around me, that it doesn't matter who you marry, as long as he is a RM, and a good TBM, and you get married in the temple. WRONG! Your life--and death--can depend on who you marry!
You might not realize it, but you are in a good place right now. You will not settle! I predict you will be like Jon1, and like my brother, and not imagine yourself married until you actually fall in love with someone. That way, you won't be getting married for the wrong reasons: family pressure, church pressure, peer pressure, sexual urges, boredom, loneliness or needy-ness, etc. You get married because you don't ever want to say "goodbye" to that person, and you want to spend all your time with that person.
Having children is a seperate decision from marriage. A lot of couples don't have children these days. Also, having children is not an all-or-nothing decision. You can have just one child, and not 6. You can postpone having children so you and your wife can have an extended "honeymoon" period, finish your education, establish your careers, travel, or whatever you want to do.
You don't need our approval, or anyone's approval for this decision. As far as advice goes, I would tell you to follow your heart! Following your heart might be bad advice to a Mormon, because sometimes your heart leads you away from the group. Go out and live more of life, and the decision will come to you. Even then, you could always change your mind (before someone gets pregnant, that is).
Oh yeah. Nothing is worse than being in a bad marriage. After two bad marriages, I am single, and I am very happy. I get lonely sometimes, but that is no problem.
I like being a woman, and I did not want to live my one life on this planet without experiencing having a child. It was all I hoped for, and more! I raised my children alone, after their father (husband #2) abandoned us, which made things a little rough for a while. We pulled together, and made it through school, through all the Mormon garbage here in Utah, jobs in the summers and during vacations and after school, sports and adventures, illnesses, through college, and successful careers. The journey with my children was the greatest, most rewarding, most fun, most love-filled part of my life! They have always had a sense of humor, and a positive outlook on life. They are kind, intelligent and interesting. They helped me as much as I helped them.
Ask yourself: Will you ever wonder what you missed?