There's bound to be at least a few funny experiences. While as ex's we found church to be, well, miserable in most cases, there were moments that had us hiding a broad grin or shaking in silent laughter. Feel free to share anything! I'll start with a few of mine.

One of the first funnies...I hugged the missionary that dunked me. As anew convert I had no idea that was not acceptable and found it offending he pretended I wasn't there. Now, I find it hilarious!

Snoring in Sacrament meeting. No no, even better; singing a sour note on purpose and watch the people in front of me look around. Later I asked them how they liked my singing. Being...polite lying bastards, they said it was lovely. I was highly amused.

Another was a time when I choked on the sacrament water. Everyone in the congregation snuck looks and even glares. Now I find it funny for choking on holy water. I must have looked like a moron for choking on such blessed stale water. Ha!

Okay guys, let's hear it!

served a sentence as ward clerk. He had to sit up front at one side. Several times the poor man couldn't help falling asleep right in front of the whole congregation, which embarrassed the hell out of my ueber-TBM mother. I, of course, was amused and sympathetic.

Well-maybe-you-had-to-be-there-ly yrs,

S

i Shy said:
"...I hugged the missionary that dunked me"

Errrr... Soaking Wet in the 'tism clothes? HAHA

that's a picture!




I think you mean:

'Dad was ward clerk.'

'in that ward, the Ward Clerk was forced to abandon family during church'

fuckers.

this is about the extent to which Bps are given 'discretion':

whether or not the clerk has to sit at the front (optional?).

whether or not the deacons have to position their left arms behind their backs as / when they pass the Sac (Looks Hideous!)

they torture ppl on the minor things with compliance.. but on the major items... Oh well, you Know.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/14/2011 12:51PM by guynoirprivateeye.

Actually, it was a couple of days later on Sunday when I received the Holy Spirit and blah blah blah. I was too busy wiping water out of my eyes to hug him in the font. Lol

My best friend teaches primary. A little girl in her class (about 5 yrs. old) is the child of what appears to be Ultra-TBM, "righteous" parents. The other Sunday the lesson was on the temple. The children were asked who had been to the temple with their parents. A few raised their hands. The teacher had moved on,but was still discussing the temple. This particular little girl kept waving her hand frantically in the air, very desparate to say something. Finally the teacher stopped and asked her what she wanted to say. The little girl said, " I just wanted to tell you that we don't go to the temple because my daddy smokes too much!"

VERY FEW youngsters would 'Go to the Temple' with their parents...


Hmmm

Yes, you are exactly right. I'm guessing she was just trying to see how many were familiar with the temple. I do know, however, that when my SIL got married to second husband in the temple, her kids went, and I the apostate, got to sit outside and babysit them until it was all over. So technically,those kids could say they had been to the temple. (The grounds, anyway)

so kids can go, just not participate.

I have 3 families in my extended family who got sealed after having children which meant that the children attended the temple for the sealing with their parents. I assumed that's what the teacher was referring to?

I was at the end of the pew and I handed the heavy metal tray (before they switched to plastic) of empty water cups to the usher. I thought he had it, and I let go and he dropped it on the floor. What a noise it made.

My youngest child slept through my oldest daughter's patriarchal blessing. She was snoring. We teased her about that.

Ahaha! I can just imagine how loud that would have sounded.

A friend of mine walked up to the SP after a ward conference,she went to speak and her false teeth flew out and hit the SP right in the chest,thought I was going to die laughing,she calmly bent down and collected them,stuck them back in her mouth and carried on with a conversation,by this time I was outside curled up with hysterics.

Funniest thing I ever saw was this little girl, maybe 4 years old, who was potty training apparently.

Her mother was one of those too-many-children, extra-harassed, overworked types, her husband sitting on the stand and won't help, and she herself was outside most of the meeting dealing with a host of little ones.

The older kids were supposed to be watching the above youngster but somehow she got away. She wandered up front just below where daddy and the rest of the bishopric were sitting and before anyone could intervene yelled, "Gotta go, Da!" and proceeded to drop trou and a load right on the chapel floor!
You could actually hear her fart (we were sitting in the back row in the metal chair section behind the pews) and cut loose.

You woulda thought nobody had ever seen a turd before, cause there was so much fussing, coming and going. The counselor and his wife were embarassed (which was hilarious because they were snooty jerks) but what was a gut buster was the Bishop interrupting the speaker to inform the ward of an "accident" and to be careful up front where you walk. He also informed everybody that those with "sensitive noses" might want to quietly retire to the foyer for the remainder of sacrament.

They didn't even clean it up until AFTER sacrament and the boys passing the sacrament had to walk around the mess.

ROFLMAO

Lost, that is one hilarious scatology. You should get the blue ribbon for it.

Don Bagley Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Lost, that is one hilarious scatology. You should
> get the blue ribbon for it.


LOL. The blue ribbon should go to the girl.

I've always wanted to take a dump on Mormonism.

She actually got to do it!

At the front of the chapel, on the right side was the area for the Bishopric, speakers, visiting guests, etc. On the left side was a seating area for the Ward Choir.

During one Sacrament Meeting, when the Choirs was there, the Deacon who was serving them Sacrament took a head first tumble down the stairs. He ended up sprawled out on the stairs, with his head down and feet up. The tray of Sacrament was spilled all over the place.

That particular Deacon was the son of the scoutmaster, and was generally known to be a klutz. Most of the congregation was somewhat shocked. But a few people, including me, had their hands over their mouths trying to contain their laughter. It was really hilarious.

Good stories. This is mine when going to the temple...

Last few times I went to the temple I'd sit down thinking things like: "I'm currently surrounded by the enemy. Must make a smiley, devout face and act like this is fun. Can't be caught or will be tortured and executed by the enemy. I'm also losing three hours of my life!!" I have to start chuckling and have to pretend like I'm coughing.

I've also done the Star Trek, James T. Kirk impression: "Stardate 05-12-2011 (or whatever the last time was) Am in a Mormon temple and surrounded by idiots. Scotty's transporter is down and am stuck."

may be silly but it passes the time :)

My folks were serving a mission at Martin's Cove and two of my brothers and I went to visit them for a weekend. I think my parent's excitment over having three of their apostate children visit was quickly diminshed.

On the first night, my mom did her usual gig of telling a pioneer woman's story in character to various youth groups, and my brothers and I sat in on it. As you can imagine, the story was one of the more harrowing, faith-promoting types that included the deaths of several family members along the trail, mosty notably, her husband's, who died from diarrhea. OMG! When my mom said that, "and my husband died from diarrhea" I *lost* it. We were sitting on some bleachers so I put my head down on my knees and tried really, really hard to stop laughing but all I succeeded in doing was silently shaking for many long minutes. I was 27 at the time too! So inappropriate, but oh, so funny!

My mother and us children were always late to church; my father usually went in around 6AM for meeting and spent all sunday at church.

My father was bishop and sitting up on the stand waiting to start. We walked in and took our seats. He saw us and looked shocked, then went to the podium to get the service started. He started out by saying they must be late getting started, as he noticed his family had arrived and they rarely showed up until the sacrament. A polite chuckle went through the ward.

My mother was humiliated and livid. She still fumes about it now, 30 years later. That's the best part. It is Ok to always be late, but not Ok to mention it.

while a missionary i baptized this super hot girl.
when she was coming out the water all wet with that super tight white robe on, she looked at me straight in the eye and gave me a long hug in appreciation i guess. i could feel her boobies and her wet hair on my right cheek.

i was like ..." oh my god ..."...almost catatonic.

all the witnesses and people watching the show were like ... "W-T-F??"

my companion saw that and quickly closed the plastic curtain thingy. he ran like the wind to see what "else' was going on behind the scenes...

nothing else happened. but i sure enjoyed it.

One sunday during sacrament meeting, a woman returned to her seat at the front of the chapel. Perhaps she hadn't fastened her skirt after using the restroom or something, but by the time she had walked from the chapel doors all the way down to one of the front rows, both her skirt and her slip had fallen down to her knees. She was standing there in her garmies for a split second before she realized what was happening. Everyone else pretended not to see anything, but I laughed so hard my husband asked me to go outside until I could calm down.

When my friend and I were at girls camp one year, they had a testimony meeting the last evening we were there. For some reason, my friend and I would just look at each other and start laughing during the meeting. I think mainly because everyone was being so serious and some of the girls were crying.

Then, we got to laughing so hard that my friend farted really loud. We were both laughing uncontrollably at that point. Some of the girls laughed a little but the group counselor was ticked. She kept giving us the evil eye. I'm surprised she didn't ask us to leave.

We had an older lady which played the organ. She fell asleep during some great long speech. When she should start to ply she didn’t wake up and a other lady had actually to walk up to her and wake her up.

For me it was funny.

When my own son was 4 or so he walked up to the light switch during sacrament meeting and turned the lights off in half the chapel. Wasn't funny for me at the time as his father, but everyone else thought it was.

Not really funny at the time, but now it's FREAKIN' HILARIOUS!

There was a kid in my ward that was on the lower end of the intelligence scale. He was not quite retarded, but definitely "slow". He got called on a mission, and was giving his farewell talk. He thought it would be good to start off with a joke. He proceeded to tell one of the dirtiest jokes I have ever heard! At the punch line there wasn't a single sound in the Chapel other than him laughing at his own joke. I still break out in a grin every time a remember it.

C'mon that's just mean. What was the joke?

It is so bad, it wouldn't last ten minutes on this site.

Tell us anyway. I'm DYING to hear it.