Posted by:
hapeheretic
(
)
Date: September 21, 2011 09:02PM
I understand your feeling about the church messing up your love life. I'm much older than you, and I still have emotional scars from all the heat TSSC puts on young people about morality and sex, and I DID date in high school and did make out with some guys.
I also know that some of my friends/acquaintences didn't start dating until they were 18 or so. They still were able to handle dating (and kissing,etc.) and got married at reasonable ages.
Still, I want you to know I understand your frustration. When I was in YW, we had these presentations called "standards nights" where our leaders lambasted us for at least 2 hours about how evil it was to do anything sexual before marriage and that premarital sex would make us filthy. Once, a woman conducting the lesson stood in front of us, with wide, wild eyes and started shaking her finger at the group, saying "NO PETTING!". If I wouldn't have been so shocked, I think I would've burst out laughing. When I look back on it, I'm surprised her head didn't start spinning around, and that green pea soup didn't start spewing from her mouth. LOL!
Anyway, maybe the best thing is to recognize that, yes, the church goes WAY overboard about sexual stuff, and just because church leaders hold the priesthood, they aren't automatically inspired about what exactly is right or wrong, in the big picture. I do think it's best to not run out and try to remedy the situation by going wild and engaging in risky behaviors. That just sets you up for dangers to your health, safety, and emotional health. But don't fret and assume you won't get the experience in dating that you want and need. Get involved socially. If you're going to college, that's a perfect time to join a club or sorority on campus, or join a student ward, if you're so inclined. Like I said, my 18 year old friends who didn't start dating until college turned out fine and got married in their 20's---everything seemed to work out for them--they were not "damaged" just because they got a later start.
Personally, as one who dated at 16 and fairly frequently, I'm glad I was lucky enough to get asked out, but I think I might have been more mature about the whole dating thing if I would't have started dating until I was about 18. I didn't know myself and was very insecure, and all the brainwashing about morality made me very anxious.
I guess the final word is, get involved in campus/student ward activities, smile and learn to be more approachable to guys, and just use common sense when it comes to getting physically involved when the time comes. Don't get into situations where you could get pregnant or go all the way before you're emotionally mature enough to handle it, if that's your choice. But don't feel guilty about kissing (french included) or hugging, making out or even some touching here and there, as long as it doesn't make you uncomfortable. Like another person said, it's your choice when it comes to romantic/sexual matters.
Just knowing that it's up to you and not some guy in a black suit with a handbook to decide how you handle your love life can make things more comfortable and reasonable.
Use your head, and remember, you're not "over the hill" because your 18! There are plenty of years ahead to hug, kiss and whatever!