A little bit ago I posted a thread called "about to go on a mission..." and it's been closed. For those who didn't read the original post, here it is:
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"I'm an 18 year old who attends BYU now. My dad was my bishop back home for around 3 years, and has been in the bishopbric since I can remember. My family is one of the well known mormon families in the church and I received my mission call about a month ago.

When I was about 16, I had a non member girlfriend that my parents highly disapproved of. After about 6 months, we started having sex, which most of you know is a huge sin in the church..we continued to have sex until I broke up with her after a year and a half of dating (she just ended up being psycho). Then I've had a few girlfriends since that I've fooled around with and none of this I have really "repented" of. I lied in interviews to receive my mission call and enter the temple. After going to the temple and seeing what all goes on there, that's when my questioning first started. I know that when I tell my bishop I've had sex and fooled around just last weekend, I won't be going on my mission and such.

That being said, I feel like everyone's going to be so disappointed in me and whatnot for not being "worthy", but it's going to be much worse when I tell them I'm highly considering not being a member anymore. There are parts of the church I agree with, like the word of wisdom, just because of personal belief, but a lot of it seems straight up crazy. After reading about the Freemasonry and the different versions of the first vision, it's really starting to ease the decision. I'm just incredibly scared knowing that my whole life is going to change when I tell them I don't want to be apart of it, knowing that there are 100+ family members that will potentially try to suade me otherwise (My mom is one of twelve, my dad one of 6).

Any suggestions on how to tell them and how to deal with potentially being cut off financially being a college student and emotionally?"
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Update:
I finally got the courage to be completely honest about everything and here's what I said to them:

"I've decided to go back to Texas after this semester at BYU and go to UTD or UNT part time. I'll find a job and get good enough grades to transfer to UT or A&M since they have some of the top technology/management programs of universities in the world. I want to pursue an IT career. I feel this change would give me time to discover who I am and what I truly believe while being in an atmosphere I'm comfortable with. **Side note-I hate BYU and how the people here are**. If going to church is who I am, then I'll discover it, but if not, I feel that should be acceptable by the people who love me either way. There are many many reasons for my decision and I don't want you arguing against them nor do I want to get in a debate on Mormonism/my choice of lifestyle. I know youve just wanted what's best for me, but it doesn't/hasn't felt right to me. I'm not leaving because of sin or because I've been offended or anything; It's because I don't agree or believe a lot of the teachings and it doesn't feel right. If it's who I am, then I'll find it. I just need to figure that out for myself. I know it's going to be hard for you guys, but you've done nothing wrong. I'm just too much of a logical, curious person to rely solely on emotional appeal. I'm sorry if I've let you guys down, but as hamlet once said, "This above all: to thine own self be true", and that's what I'm doing. I love you and hope you'll still support and care about me while I go through this time in my life."

There we have it. I'll let you know what they say..

Very well said! Great courage. I love the Hamlet quote!
"Be not afraid of greatness." Good luck bro :)

Go Longhorns!

With respect to Rice, they have deep pockets, so you might get a nice financial aid package. Just something to think about.

All that school stuff aside, I am so proud of you!

I hope you're proud of yourself. :-)

I'm cheering for you!

In what format did you communicate this? In person? In writing?

Good luck with everything.

a letter 36 years ago just like yours. I didn't go on a mission and became inactive. My parents and I went through a quite a few years of tension because of that.

If I'd have sent them a letter like that it might have helped.

Oh well after I'd been "inactive" for 20 years or so they finally came around.

that must've been really hard, i'm impressed and glad that you were able to take that very difficult step. i'm sure you'll be really glad that you did.
please keep us posted on how things go.

Good for you.

The longer you are out the more screwing mormonism is becomes self evident.

Make a plan. Stick to it. Get an education. Think, learn, and live an authentic life. Good for you.

Good luck. Remember you can't please everyone.

Hey I just moved from Denton (where I was baptized and served a mish from, served several calings there) and go to UT-D (MIS major) but I've got one foot in being an active NOM and another foot in being inactive.

Shoot me an email sometime: will.dr0tar@gmail.com

(Replace the "0" with the letter "o").

You have every reason to be proud of yourself

Your parents may need some time to deal, but hopefully they'll come around as they see what a great guy you are becoming.

We'll be watching for your subsequent thread regarding your parents' initial response.

Good luck. We all have our fingers crossed for you!

the "I'm not worthy" route to get out of going. You never would have lived that down.

The thinking has been done? I think NOT.

I think, therefore, I am... able to make my own life choices.

Yeah. Enjoy the freedom.

Good for you. I'm impressed that you have the ability to handle this so well at your age. (And hell, I'm not even that much older than you!)

Just keep your head on your shoulders and feel free to ask for help when needed.

If your family keeps pressing just point out only half the first presidency have served missions... Obviously it's not necessary for your salvation.

Your doing the right thing. Keep following what you truly feel, I wish my brother was as strong as you.. he just left. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it either! Its your life and your finally going to live it :) You'll figure everything out as you go...

I'm impressed! : )

but good job having the fortitude to say what you think.

Guess I better stay in school, huh? :)

Good job man, being in an extremely similar situation, I know EXACTLY what you're going through. I'm stoked for you that you have the balls to stick up to your parents. I obviously don't know you or your family, but depending on how TBM they are, you will definitely be experiencing some pretty brutal guilt and shame for a while. I'm here to tell you that it's temporary. You are a man with a plan; that's good. You know what you want to do instead of go on a mission, instead of just calling it off then having no plans for the future.

My advice to you at this point: keep studying. Keep following your doubts; it's healthy! And very satisfying to figure things out for yourself. I wish you the best, and keep us updated on what happens!

You worded it all very well.

IF they still try to argue with you about your decisions or try to press you for additional reasons, just keep repeating over and over what you wrote.


It's called the "broken record method" and should be used indefinately with people who will not take NO for an answer.

I hope things go well with your family in the upcoming weeks and months!

I know every family is different, but for what it's worth my husband who came from a TBM family also didn't go on a mission. They were very disappointed at first, and there were a rocky couple of years of everyone learning their boundaries with religion. But now at age 24, his relationship with his parents and siblings is very good! They've really come to accept his life choices (including officially resigning from the LDS church) in the past couple years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNQRfBAzSzo


"There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man and bring him to the ground
You can beat him, you can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him when he's down
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you
I'm standing on my own two feet."

We're stoked for you. Not many years from now you'll be so happy you made this decision.

You also made the right decision by keeping your private details to yourself. Well done. Dumping that trash into mormon bins would have only come back in unfair ways.

Often mormons have to explain WHY people choose to go a different direction. Its too dissonant to have the issue lie there without some "reason" (e.g. SIN) to explain it.

Too often the so-called sin or character flaw ends up being the definitive caricature, and people's true personhood is denied or pushed to the back burner.

I'm proud of you newtothis, even though I don't even know you, but I know it takes courage for a young person to follow their path under a lot of family and social pressure. And kudos for surviving at BYU while planning your next step!

Good luck,

D

The letter sounds perfect. Good job.

...that President Monson, when he got out of the Naval Reserves at the age of 18, decided it was more important for him to go to school than to serve a mission. You feel the same way and believe the Prophet of God should be a good enough example.

If they come back with "he couldn't serve because of military duty," ask them to check his dates of military service and get back to you.

Congrats on your decision. It won't be easy, but will be so worth it!

I recently moved to Dallas and am a software engineer. Please e-mail me at lucky (dot) sweetheart (at) gmail.com if you want to connect.

I admire you for doing this and going for your dream instead of following the TSCC expectations everyone had for you. :-D



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/10/2011 03:25PM by imalive.