First order of business.

General Conference, but it'd only be an hour to hour and a half long to outline the new direction of "the church."

One speech: Mine.

Raptor Jesus: The Mormon church is a complete fraud and a hoax. Sorry everyone, you've been living a lie. I know it sucks, and you're going to need help recovering. So, here are some good resources....

Also, no more doctrine or scriptures. Throw all of that out. It that makes you sad, too bad. Go start your own church. Just know that you aren't special.

I'll be keeping the church buildings and temples. Some will be converted to homeless shelters. Others will be used. Church will be on Sunday for about an hour or however long you want to hang out.

It'll be a party with fun activities going on. Feel free to drop by, bring your kids. We'll have babysitters and also you can sign up for a free therapy session with our therapists.

I'll be funding this through the businesses that the church still has. Don't worry about tithing. If I need donations, I'll let you know. But you need the money more than this place does.

However, parts of these businesses will change. I won't be running Deseret Book like a fascist propoganda machine. No, we'll be publishing unknown, but good authors without screwing them around.

Also, I don't need your praise and devotion as much as just a commitment to trying to make this world a better place. Because this will be our mantra, change will be inevitable. The organization will be flexible, but fun.

The End!

Wait a minute!! I thought you WERE in charge of the church!?!

If not you...then who? Oh the humanity!!!

I think that's exactly what Boyd KKK Packer said when he was a little boy: "I would LOVE to be in charge of the Mormon church."

"Not so fast", little Gordy Gollum Hinckley replied. "I got first dibs."

I LOOOOOOOOVE Raptor Jesus's ideas! :)

Yeah me too. But, I would increase tithing to 25%. I'd add six more things to fasten in the temple garb and I'd put garments back to ankle and wrist length. Church on Sunday would become an 8 hour block.

If that didn't finally get my family to wake up and get out, then I would give up forever.

Aye and a big hallelujah to boot!