I hate to sound so dramatic, but today is one of those days I really feel the crushing weight of what seems like an existential crisis.

The year and a half before my mission was truly the happiest time in my life. I loved my singles wards. I felt like I had totally shed my dorky, socially-inept persona that haunted me all of my childhood and teenage years. I was living in a new place, and through the singles ward scene I had a great community of friends that always kept me busy having fun.

TSCC became my life. I was very diligent about praying and reading my scriptures. I went to just about every church activity I could (FHE, ward prayer, firesides, etc.). I spent a lot of time reading articles on fairlds.org. I spent several months "repenting" of my problems with "P&M" (you know what I'm talking about). I made the decision to take a semester off so I could work to save up for a mission.

I couldn't have gone on a mission for better reasons. I was not pressured to go by anyone. I REALLY wanted to go. I thought there couldn't be anything better I could do in my youth than take two years to share with other people what had brought me so much happiness in my life.

From the time I was in the MTC to about a year after my mission, the whole thing slowly and painfully unraveled. Just like Kolobian, I would compare my return from my mission to the return of a disillusioned soldier who doubts the cause he was fighting for.

Somehow my mission f***ed up my social life. I don't know if it's just the reality that people forget you and move on with their lives during your two year absence, or if having to be a missionary ruined the way I was already able to relate with other people, or if my disillusioned self didn't radiate the friendliness it did before. It also didn't help that I was back living with my parents and my singles ward sucked.

It's not like I don't have ANY friends, but I don't feel like there's anyone I can really share EVERYTHING with (especially my loss of belief in TSCC). It feels like finding people to do stuff with (let alone building a social life outside of TSCC) is a herculean task. Why the hell do so many people never text or e-mail me back?

I just feel so empty right now. A lot of posters here on RfM suggest that people in my situation find a hobby group to get involved with in order to meet new people. Frankly, I don't really have any hobbies. I've never been into any sports, or cars, or hunting/fishing, etc., etc. Since I've graduated from high school, my life has been filled with working crappy jobs, going to college, and wasting time in TSCC.

I have to remind myself that things will get better, but right now it's just painful being 24 and feeling like I'm trying to build so much of my life from scratch.

*end of venting*

You know, AltaRica, the 20's can be like that. Quite frankly, I think that being a 20-something is really over rated. You see all of these TV shows and movies of young people living in cute apartments, with nice cars, and having a great social life. I could laugh at the NYC apartments as seen in shows like "Friends" because they are so far from the norm for young working people in that city.

So please don't be so hard on yourself. It can take a while to fit into a new environment and social milieu. I think that your best bet for making friends is your college, so see if you can find some activities or groups there to join. Or try to make friends when you are working together on class projects. It does take effort and there can often be false starts. But don't stop trying!

It sounds like you are working really hard to improve your life, and I want you to keep trusting that one day it will all pay off -- because it will. Things will get better.

Keep working at it and let us know how it goes.

I left the church at 18 and moved to go to college. All in the same week. :)

The first year was tough. The second year, I just randomly fell in with my roommate's friends. Roomie disappeared. I stayed. I ended up marrying one of them.

I think feeling completely dislocated is quite normal for this temporary period of life. And college is temporary. The space between childhood with your family and your own adulthood once you graduate.

But I'd say you've got your priorities straight in focusing on school. I agree with the poster above about reaching out to people you meet in your classes. Also, maybe try branching out with some elective courses that interest you, but don't have much to do with your major.

I guess I don't have much advice, but just wanted to let you know it's normal. Both what's happening and how you feel about it. Hang in there. Keep focusing on school. And be sure to go out and have some fun.

You're not alone. I was in my mid-twenties when I hit the MTC. I had been on my own for several years, finished university, was accepted into a federal gov't training program, and things were starting to look up for me. I got myself active in the church again on my own terms and nobody expected me to serve a mission. It truly was my own choice.

What an eye-opener. Most guys were on their first cover-to-cover reading of the BoM. One was there cuz daddy promised him a new Toyota 4-Runner if he went. For one guy it was a means of staying out of jail. It was such a let-down but at least I saw what most members don't see. There were no blessings for obedience. There were no answers to prayer. I was depressed most of the time...so much so that the prez offered to let me go home a month early. I stuck it out that final month in spite of the fact that I never felt as forsaken by God as I did during that time.

And afterwards? No "blessings" to speak of. What I thought might actually be a testimony, was hanging by a thread. I was so crushed from the experience that I didn't last more than a year afterwards. It wasn't hard to leave...I just stopped attending. No love-bombing either so it was obvious nobody cared. God didn't care so why should anyone else?

That was twenty years ago. In retrospect, I can see how damaging the church was to my self-esteem. I can see now how I just shut down emotionally and have never really managed to climb out of the rut. The negative impact of the church has affected me in ways I would never have imagined and likely would not have been able to see until many years later in retrospect. I put most of the blame on my own shoulders because I'm capable of so much more than I've actually accomplished...but when it comes to feeling worthless and unwanted, I know now where that idea came from.

You're 24...still lots of time for you yet. I'm twice your age and I too have found myself starting from scratch...again. It may seem bad now, but at least be glad that you found out what a fraud the church is while you're still young. I backburnered it for two decades and always felt as though I had a backup plan. Well, that came crashing down a couple years ago and now I have no idea where to turn.

Don't look back...just do what is best for you without any regard for anything this man-made organization says.

You're right, elee. Some good ol' fashioned fun could go a long way in alleviating how crappy I feel right now.

Xophor, I also couldn't believe how ridiculous some of the guys in the MTC were. The day I entered the MTC was the day I flushed my adult status down the toilet and went back to junior high.

I think being in your 20's is a difficult time of life. When your younger you have built in friends at church, school, your neighborhood.

When you leave all of that, finding good friends can be a challenge. Suddenly people are in out of your life at high speed. Here one day gone the next. Routine may help you feel like the ground under your feet is a little more solid. Get a hobby. it can give you a sense of accomplishment, and put you in a social circle.

There are more things to do than hunt and fish. You might consider hiking, biking,painting,photography just to name a few. Take a cooking class if you can't think of any thing else. That will always come in handy. I met my hubby at a cooking class. He still can't cook though.

College is a great place to explore new interests, but do not limit yourself to only what is available through our school. What were your favorite subjects in grade school? When you did an extra-credit report or project in school, did you pick something because it caught your attention... that is the type of thing you can still do. Life is to Live - choose to explore and enjoy!
Best wishes on your new life!