Date: November 14, 2011 04:10PM
Just another venting post to add to all the others... I know I probably need to go back to my therapist and probably will, and I can't really go into the details, but I'll just say that things could be better in my life right now.
It used to be that I could "blame God", after which, being the dutiful TBM that I was (even when inactive), I would then blame myself, because, I just wasn't doing *enough*. There was just something that I wasn't doing right, so I was to blame. But, not because I had problems that I needed to work though, but because I simply wasn't good enough.
Now, I have no "God" to blame, "God" has become a word that I exclaim when I hit my thumb with a hammer, it holds not *real* meaning. I have given up any belief in "God".
That may sound sad to some, but now I've realized that there is nothing "godly" that I can do to get myself out of depression when it comes on... I have to take responsibility for myself and try to find actual solutions for my problems, rather than wondering if I was doing enough church work and maybe if I did a bit more, then I could be happy. Extra work is not the solution. It never was. I have to look at myself and try to figure out what the source of the problem is and try to correct it... It all sounds so logical now...
I don't really know the point of this post other than to express somethings that are on my mind... I'm sure I'll snap out of my little slump, I always do...