It turns out that there is always a good crop of lurkers here on RfM, and eventually many of them begin posting and explaining their problems and doubts with the LDS church. I'm talking to them, but trying to get others here to post some of their individual reasons for leaving, because they're mostly all different.

I have left and so have three of my five children. Talking with them later, openly and honestly, it turns out that we all left for different reasons. My reason was not uncommon, the inability to reconcile Mormons' concept of history and history that actually happened. For years I would listen to people stand up in gospel doctrine class and read aloud from the Book of Mormon. I'd cringe inside and tell myself, "You know, that actually never happened. Just think a bit about trying to navigate a wooden submarine across the ocean while being full of animals and people. Would it work? No." I grew more and more cynical, and finally studied up in anticipation of leaving the church, so that I'd always be able to answer people who challenged me. During that time I discovered RfM and lurked for a year before logging on. About 18 months later (Jan 2009) I sent in my resignation.

My reasoning seemed awfully sound to me, and thought my ex-Mormon kids felt the same. But in talking to my kids I learned that they each had different reasons. My son who served a mission admitted that he did not have any fundamental problems with the doctrine or history, but said he was profoundly unhappy as a church member, that the church just always seemed to make people feel bad. One other son told me that he just never understood anything they were talking about in the lessons, and lost interest, his other brother agreeing that his reason for leaving was similar; when the other son talks about the Mormon church, he chuckles and lowers his head and waves his hand around in the air as if clearing cobwebs.

So that's our short story here. I've lingered at RfM ever since because I found virtual friends, some of whom I've since met in person, and because it's a healthy outlet for exchange of ideas, even for an exchange of ideas over things not related to Mormonism.

I'd be interested in hearing other stories. Some are real compelling. One story that helped me immensely during my way out was the one by former poster (and former bishop) "brian-the-christ," where he told about trying to help pilot a helicopter while sitting in the jump-seat, with both pilot and copilot both nodding off, and how he came to realize that his life probably was not being controlled by God. (If interested, you'll have to search for it; it's on an ex-Mo website the name of which one dare not speak while on RfM.)

Ya, I didn't like the carpet on the walls, or the hard benches ! :-)
This is part of it.
But ultimately I couldn't accept the claims of Joseph Smith Jr as sufficiently reliable to govern my life. I tried it, eventually found it totally unnecessary to any kind of joyful, happy, life. Too many conflicting ideas, too much need for obedience and not enough independent thinking.
OH..one more important thing: I decided I couldn't accept metaphysical, supernatural, visionary claims on any basis. That pretty much wiped out all the claims. "Spiritual eye" witnesses just aren't acceptable for me either.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/19/2011 05:08PM by SusieQ#1.

I resigned because I couldn't believe in Mormonism's canonized scriptures, beginning with the Pearl of Great Price, followed by the Doctrine and Coventants; bringing up the rear with the Book of Mormon and finally, the Bible itself. I have since attended other churches and although I consider myself an atheist, I find a lot of beauty in their sermons; not guilt, not shame, not dogma and no phony scriptures.

> "I went inactive because it felt better
> to stay home than attend church."

The worst game in the NBA / NFL was always still much better than stupid ass insanely stupid priesthood meeting.

For me--no real story but a process over years:

My most important reasons:

Lies about the history of JS and the early church
Polygamy
Unspired local leaders
BY statements--what the hell?
Boring meetings--teaching half-truths
Ignoring Science truths--like coffee, wine, etc.
Feeling guilty for no reason
The claims of the church are not true--I know that now but didn't for many years
Gay rights issues
Certain local church leaders--unbelievable what they did

Unconditional Obedience
Conditional Love
Sacrament meeting has become a sales meeting
No more activities for the sheer joy of having fun
Whitewashed history

It would be hard for me to tie it down into one or two paragraphs. Unlike some posters who will not be named, like Steve Benson, I have little patience for writing long expositions on RfM, although I have no problem reading them.

The short version is that I left because I realized I didn't believe in any of mormonism's unique claims, and it therefore wasn't worth my time and money to work my way back into the church while on formal probation. My bishop told me I needed to read the scriptures and pray every day. So i did. I got to the point where I could not read one single chapter in the Book of Mormon without thinking, "This is ridiculous." It is so full of holes its not even funny. When you are reading it while being disinvested in the church, its faults are so obvious. I facepalm when I think about how many times I've read it over the past 32 years without seriously thinking "WTF?!"

I still believed in the Bible for a bit, but once I applied logical thinking to the story of Christ, it all fell apart. I figured if there was a guy named Jesus living on the earth, chances are that he had a human father and mother just like the rest of us.

When I was coming out, I tried hard to reconcile my own feelings with what the church said. The more I learned, the more I realized they had no concept of what it meant to be gay or why people were gay. I met other gay Mormons who had also decided the church was clueless when it spoke of gay issues.

When I started reading non-authorized church history, I realized I had too many doubts to let the old men run my life. The longer I've been out of the church, the more absurd Mormonism seems.

Lurkers can check all the exit stories posted at http://exmormon.org/phorum/list.php?3 and at Postmormon.org.

I think what offended me the most about the church was not some person or some trivial incident, but the fact that I could take my family into it, in good faith, but I couldn't get them out. All of a sudden my family is held hostage, I'm held hostage, by the church, by the strength of its indoctrination programming. I conclude that the church is not what it claims to be and I can't get my family out. That's offensive. That's coercion. That's theft and, I think, a kind of cheating on the part of the church. I went in with a hope that it could be true but am FORCED to comply if I want to keep my family, FORCED to say I believe in order to have peace in my family.

That's not just wrong. It's evil. How could Christian charity have anything to do with this controlling garbage?

I am a lurker I suppose? Looking for an expanded education, trying to wrap my mind around why people must follow.

What I read sounds like the FLDS, not much different! Control through family ties. Isolation and family pressure to keep those in who wish to exit.

I can't say how wrong the LDS church is, but I do help FLDS members flee. I have seen the unbearable influence of getting cut off from family, I have seen my victims return!

Both are twins of the same father, both revere JS, one is Old Testament extreme, the other polished and revised to appear as most any modern religion. But what I read here are the tactics of control are pretty much the same.


I lived in rural Utah almost 10 years, I'm not a joiner, though my wife wanted to a few times. I liked my coffee and liked calling apade a spade! The county records office helped show me corruption and it was pretty much where ever I searched. Those in power abused it and church & state were a seamless transition. Those who got a head played ball, the rest scratched out a living. Businesses got shunned, some were non local, but LDS owned.

Watching the influence of the FLDS on its members has serious similiarities, but it was all learned of the same origin, so why not. Your thoughts here are a tribute to my Jack Mormon friends, some devout that I rarely understood.

I left for almost every reason that has already been stated.

The one thing that really hit me though was, I couldn't think of one single reason to stay. Not one.

I've posted two times since I joined so I guess I'm a lurker.

I haven't formally resigned yet but I'm going to soon.

A big reason why I stopped attending is that I couldn't accept that a God and Jesus appeared to a child, and told him about "the one true religion" I thought, Joseph Smith is poor and had no power, right? Well maybe he thought, if I claim God appeared to me, I'll get followers and money.

Another reason I left is because they won't leave you alone! They message me on Facebook, call me and text me to invite me activities. I haven't been there in over a year. Why would I want to start going now? I do not need people bothering me. If I wanted to be part of their corporation, I would go to their meetings.

I also left because I hated how they controlled your life. They tell you what you can and can't drink, and how to dress. I think I know how to dress myself, thankyouverymuch. Their dress code is also outdated. There are plenty of clothes that don't fit their dress code that are beautiful and not trashy. I also didn't want to be pressured to be married in the temple at 18. I'd like to go to college before I even think about getting married.

These are my main reasons for leaving.

I was told to divorce my wife because she left before me and how they constantly changing doctrine and lie about the past, trying to make it as if it never even happened.

First, way back when I was a little kid, I suddenly realized the stories they told me from the Bible and BoM were supposed to be real, not just different fairytales. Oh, okay, if they say so. What do I know? I'm just a kid. So I dove into the system.

Then, by my teens, I started feeling guilty for not being perfect. I was really good at being a proper Mormon, and yet I hadn't been blessed with a testimony, no matter how hard I tried. There must have been something exceptionally awful about me. But why did my friends, who I knew were breaking some major commandments, all have testimonies? I hated myself. And living "out in the field," I was surrounded by non-Mormons who were happy and moral. How could that be?

I started seeing similarities between Mormonism and totalitarian forms of government. I started learning about psychology, social dynamics, manipulation, delusions, and started thinking, "Hmmmmmmmm..."

I went to the temple (the old throat-slitting, pay-lay-ale, Satan and the minister version of it) and thought, "This is really strange, kind of creepy, but surely I'd have a brush with Heaven on the other side of the veil. I didn't.

I reported to the old SLC mission home, expecting to learn at the feet of the GAs. What a letdown. These were God's anointed ones when the Teleprompters weren't on? Huh.

My mission got me closer to the way the church really operates. High pressure sales, bullying from leaders, favoritism, lying for the Lord, crushing the innocent, rewarding the guilty, zero inspiration...

One of my epiphanies came while trying to convince a perfectly happy woman that what she needed to be happy was the religion that was actually making me miserable. I had been spiraling into a pit of self-loathing for years.

Back in the real world, I slipped into inactivity. The less time I spent with the church, the more there was I realized I just didn't believe. And I realized going down the road of the proper LDS adult life would take me someplace I just wasn't interested in being -- a parent.

Finally, the big realization came: not only didn't I believe Mormonism, I didn't believe in anything supernatural. No gods, no angels, no spirits... Whatta ya know, I'm an atheist. A huge burden was lifted. The stupor of thought cleared. I felt really good. I finally had my "testimony."

I saw nothing divine about it. Or, saying it another way, I saw nothing from its leaders, local or far away, that showed there was any type of inspired direction.

When I entertained the idea that it was just another man-made religion, the pieces all fell together like hitting the "solve" button on a computer game. The dissonance stopped. No more trying to make silly things be real.

I still haven't resigned yet. My testimony has imploded like a house of cards. I can point to a few reasons.

1) Guilt. No matter how hard I tried, I could never feel worthy enough.

2) Secrecy. The fact that TSCC is constantly being sneaky with people and lies to people about it's doctrines and history. The fact that they have meetings to reactivate people and "drop by" unannounced to reassert their control over your life. Case and point... if there is nothing to hide.. why all the secrecy and covering up of inconvenient truths about history?

3) Time and Money. Paying 10% of my gross income to TSCC was destroying my family financially. I never saw the promised "blessings." I realized they are just like snake oil salesman. Too much time wasted in meetings.

4) BIG 15 don't seem like men of God. These men are rich white guys in business suits. They are treated like Gods in Utah and in church circles..people stand when they enter a room. Constant praise is given to these men in talks, they are practically worshiped. Too much emphasis on "loyalty" to these men with TR interviews asking if you support them... seems too paranoid.

5) Where is the revelation? We are preached to constantly that the BIG15 are "prophets, seers, and revelators." When was the last time they prophesied something to happen to the Earth? When was the last time they warned people about something...being specific without generalities? Where are the visions? The additions to Doctrine and Covenants? The expanding of heavenly knowledge?

These are just a few reasons... I could list many more.

The short version is I pretty much left in the opposite way of everybody here. I didn't have any issue with the church at all, bought it hook, line, and sinker from birth. My indoctrination had been beautifully orchestrated and was in full command.

Out of the blue, my own brain finally kicked into gear. My struggle with being gay helped this I am sure. I realized right away, that in all the hours I had spent on my knees earnestly praying, especially the pleading before my mission, I had never felt ANYTHING besides a few goose bumps I had worked myself into. In my gut I knew that neither had anybody else felt anything.

For once, I trusted myself more than the church. I finally had a testimony that the church was a lie. The End.

Some 35 years later, I finally read No Man Knows MY History. It was a great gift to suddenly read the history of Joseph Smith with footnotes and references to all kinds of facts--newpaper clippings, journal entries, court records etc. Just Wow! A factual account.

When I was TBM the only teeny tiny thing that bothered me was this: In thousands of years since Christ lived there wasn't one single person on the planet that could be given the gospel? Not one sincere person? Really?

Then I read Joseph's real history, and he's what God has been waiting for all along? What a Joke.

"Not one sincere person?"

"Then I read Joseph's real history, and he's what God has been waiting for all along? What a Joke."

Indeed. What a joke, a farce, a con in fact.

Lots of evidence out there for anyone with courage to look and open his/her mind. You have to take your emotions and prior socialization out of the equation to see it for what it is.

My main reasons for leaving:

1. Bigotry against gays, blacks, and women.
2. The Book of Abraham "translation" fiasco.
3. The thousands of changes to the "unchangeable" scriptures of the "one twoo church".
4. Tithing--TSCC controlling where members "give back" to the world community.

It took a while for these "not very useful" (to TSCC) truths to scream loudly enough for me to hear. Glad they kept screaming at me.

These are the key points for me. Later I learned about JS marrying children and other men's wives, and BY's brutality.

I hated Church meetings, which took five hours every Sunday (this was in the 1950s). I liked outdoor recreation and sports, but I couldn't do those activities on Sundays. I didn't relate to my peers in the Ward. My four best friends as I grew up were from non-religious families.

A Sunday School lesson taught that God will always answer sincere prayers. But when I put that theory to a test I received no answers -- nothing, zero, nada. I might as well have been talking to a wall. I concluded that either God does not exist, or else he doesn't care about me. Either way I decided that prayer was a useless waste of time. So I stopped praying and stopped believing in God.

In my 8th grade science class, I learned about the Scientific Method. Then I understood that religion is unverifiable magic. I stopped believing in all the supernatural religious magic -- god, prayer, Satan, Holy Ghost, resurrection, life after death, etc.

I didn’t want to pay any of my hard-earned money to the Morg. The idea of going on a mission looked like a complete waste of two years. In 1959 at age 17 I stopped attending Mormon church meetings. I immediately felt happy that I had escaped Joseph's Myth. I soon found a group of nevermo friends and within a month I stopped thinking about Mormonism. Leaving the Mormon cult was the smartest decision I ever made.

"The more I learned, the more I realized they had no concept of what it meant to be gay or why people were gay."

I liked axeldc's response above.

My leaving had absolutely nothing to do with any history--except mine.

Somewhere deep inside was a voice telling me that I had done everything humanly possible to "save" my ex--that it wasn't my job to save him, that this was HIS JOURNEY and not mine. It was so painful to think for years that someone I loved would be damned--and that no matter how hard I tried--there would be no change. I knew that deep inside no matter what they told me, but I had to step away from the LDS church and not attend for YEARS before it all just fell apart one day. What a relief that was! The burden was no longer mine. It wasn't my failure or his failure. I doubt there is any other thing that could have gotten me out.

As I read cludgie's reasoning--like the barges in the BofM--I had those same questions. Seemed completely unrealistic. But I could have kept putting it all on the shelf except when it happens to you personally, it changes everything. When the people you love--especially your children--are effected negatively by their stupidity, it changes EVERYTHING.

The church is a farce.

It has fluxuating standards for its members based on a member's wealth.

Believing in Jesus Christ as the son of God isn't a good enough reason to baptized by the LDS church. No, you have to pledge to not smoke, drink alcohol or coffee or tea and say you believe in the prophet.

BUT BUT BUT

If you are a millionaire Mormon you can own a gas station mini mart that sells coffee, beer, cigarettes and all on a Sunday no less.