My wife and I are talking more and more about how TSCC isn't making sense to her anymore.

* Imperfect people/couple are shunned (she is unable to bear child)

* Over-emphasis on BoM (where's Jesus in all this?)

* The overt racism with regards to "Lamanites"

* The temple ceremonies (only a little bit, dont wanna overwhelm her)

* The brainwashing, the control and manipulation done by the church

* The overly saccharine lovebombing when we do not attend

So, during the course of conversation I found out that she had tiny bits of doubt way back when she was married to her exhusband. But she was going because her sister went also.

I told her that the church IS a cult and it is a subtle one because of the way they use tactics to gain control of the people in the fold. She agreed, because she has noticed it herself.

She told me that the members get kinda bent out of shape just because she is a laid-back kind of person. They expect her to conform to the mold that they have set for people like her.

This is a significant part of why I want out of Utah and to live in Denver (our families in IL being another big reason). We feel that Utah is just a screwed up state because of the prevalence of TSCC. There is no separation between state and church at all, and she noticed that as well.

BYU is another sore point with us with how they have their hand in everything here in the Provo/Orem area.

And... just now, she said she doesn't want to go to church anymore. Dare I say we scored another victory?

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2011 03:56PM by derrida.

It can be really tough on a marriage where one partner believes and the other doesn't, both waiting and hoping for the other to come around. I remember how relieved I was when a few years after I was done with the church, my husband told me he wasn't feeling comfortable at church anymore either. I didn't realize just how stressful it had been on us until after it was over.

I'm so glad for you and your wife that you're reaching an understanding :0)

I graduated from BYU and can't tell you how sad I feel about seeing how controlling and behind the times it is with regards to academic freedom. I'm glad I did my graduate work at another school. I seldom tell people that YBU is my alma mater.

Being from Illinois and having my family all there helped a lot in leaving because none of my family could care less what religion I chose. Most of them thought Mormonism was weird but nobody really gave me any grief. Leaving really didn't cause a big stir either. How grateful I am to have come from a state so far from Utah.

Hope you make it to Colorado. I'd go nuts if I had to move back to Utah.

You and your wife have listened to the voice of reason, which is your own heart. Once you become as clear-thinking as you are, you will never go back to believing those lies, ever again.

I feel that Mormonism only works for those people who's life follows the plan exactly. One "glitch" and you are out. Yours was not being able to have children. I'm sorry. (((hugs))). My "deviation" happened when my husband left me for another woman. No matter what the reason (being dark-skinned, from another culture, too laid back, too humorous, gay, too intellectual, a convert, chronically late, unmarried, from a broken home, etc, etc) you will never fit in.

Not allowing people to fit in is not Christlike. I like that you wrote, "Where's Jesus in all this?" This is what prompted me, and a lot of other Mormons, to start questioning the church itself--and is that ever a can of worms!!!! You are just scratching the surface there. Prepare to get very angry.

Thanks.

I do believe that TSCC is part of what aggravatez our PTSD, and since we stopped going we feel much better as a result. Less triggers but if they start knocking on the door I'll have to get some tar and feathers ready and set up a rail (figure of speech here).

We're just gonna let them release us from our callings as its close to that time anyway.

My wife has already removed many of the church people from her facebook friends list; I didnt't have many to begin with.