I haven't been on this forum for a while, but while catching up I read that if you resign, you won't show up on your parents tithing settlement paper and they can infer that you've resigned? I resigned a few months ago, but haven't mustered the courage to tell my dad (also to avoid drama). Is it true that he'll be able to find out I've left with his next tithing settlement meeting? By the way, I'm 22 years old...(I don't know if that matters or not with the tithing thing). Thanks, guys! I'd appreciate any comments so I can prepare for the future abandonment from my father.

there are Very Few secrets in Mormonism, especially if you're in the same area/stake/ward.

Relax, they'll find out some-time, some-how.
Do Everyone a favor, Man Up & tell them just as you send the letter/email.

balls, anyone?

Golly gee guynoir, what crawled into your panties?
Oh yeah you don't wear any.

I think you've been out too long to remember what it feels like to come out of the exmo closet.

I've noticed this disdain you have before. You should really take a little time to do some personal work.

I mean, just cuz you don't give a rat's ass doesn't mean your opinion is right, or even necessary.
Your handler really shouldn't let you on the internet when you're in this mood.

Hmm..I see what someone else was saying about how rude this forum is getting. Of course it's very personal to share that information with my TBM dad but you're telling me to get balls and man up? Seriously? That's the sensitive and mature way to give the news to my father that I won't be in the afterlife with him and sealed to him for eternity? And my parents are in Australia while I'm in the USA, so I'm not sure how that's going to play out. Looks like I'm getting off this hostile forum of people with "balls" who can't even give legitimate answers to my questions, or even supportive ones for those going through these sensitive issues.

Its your business. Tell no one if you are uncompfortable doing so. Eventually it will be a known item and there is nothing you can do to stop that. If you don't make an issue of it hopefully the family won't either. It still takes balls to stand up when and if you are confronted in the future to say "Thats personal, and I'm not discussing it with you Dad. I still love you like I always have".

I would like to say that although some people on this board appear insensitive, they really don't mean to hurt anyone. They just like to call it like they see it.

My dad first freaked out when I did not have our baby daughter blessed. He eventually asked me point blank if I was an "apostate."

That took me by surprise, so on the spur of the moment I just told him, "not exactly..." and that "...you will come vist me in the Terrestrial/Telestial world, won't you?"

He in turn was caught off guard by that comment and I could see a tear forming in his eye. The idea that his son will not be with him in the Celestial Kingdom was very sad for him.

Mormonism does not teach kindness to apostates. Instead, most believers prefer to just put their head back into the sand and keep pretending that they know the truth.

Dad knew I loved him, and he went to his grave before I totally came out as a non-believer. Good luck with your dad. I am sure he knows that you love him, but he puts his church FIRST just like my dad did. For them the church perspective is the truth and there is no other way to look at it.

You posted asking for advice and he gave some. It's good. Take a deep breath and give yourself permission to be the adult you are. Shake off the automatic Mormon reactions and look a little closer.

There are no secrets in Mormonism. That is the main point Guy was making. Your parents WILL find out. You cannot control how they react, but you can control the timing if you choose to.

Whether you have balls or ovaries doesn't matter. It's a very difficult task to leave a cult like Mormonism. We're cheering for you, not trying to insult you. Step out of the Mormon prison and find out what freedom really tastes like.

Stunted.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2011 12:29PM by Stunted.

And no, I did not ask for advice. I asked to see if my resignation would show up on my parents tithing settlement...so his advice really isn't solid or pertinent, is it? Ahem, no.

Please don't leave the church of RFM just because you were offended... :)

Thanks for all who answered my question about the tithing settlement. My mom's okay with it all (she's an "apostate" now), but I'm just worried about my dad, who is very strict and puts the church first. I'll prepare to deal with it if it does come up, but I just don't want to stir up anything just yet since our relationship is already rocky and he may blame my mom for my resignation.

Unless you either requested one or were in noticable trouble to the Bishopric. If you had been paying regularly all along, they didn't call you.

From what others post I guess this isn't average.

Mormonism is like a little kid - they will always throw rocks at you when your back is turned.

Somewhere along the line your parents WILL find out from the church that you have resigned. SO WHAT.

A 22 year old adult can chose their own religion, or none.

Your parents will have to come to grips with the fact that you are a grown up.

Interesting question.....I haven't resigned yet either although I've been inactive for 40 years, married to a wonderful Catholic for 38, and both of my parents are dead. Who else would be "informed" of my exit....my dentist??...my doctor???, both friends and both HD TBM's....would it be posted on the ward bulletin board?....

I remember seeing my mother's tithing settlement papers and they listed all her children and when they were baptized, married in temple, confirmed, birth date, etc. I guess they did that to review and insure that church records were correct at end of year. When you resign your membership the confirmation date is left blank. That's how your family would know. My mother wouldn't even notice it but many parents would.

Either they no longer print that whole thing out automatically during tithing settlement or they just aren't doing it for my mother because she no longer meets with the bishop due to her advanced age. I saw her most recent tithing settlement papers and they didn't have all that family info on them. It might be different with your parents/bishop/ward. My mother knows I'm no longer interested in Mormonism and don't believe any of it but she has no clue that I've officially resigned.

Any know-it-all clerk or bishop or counselor in your parents'ward could blab and tell because all the family records are somehow connected. My mother really isn't interested so I don't care. I think any bishop can get on the church's main computer and look up that info for himself if he's curious. I resigned in California but somehow my old bishop in Illinois knew I had resigned. It's pretty hard to keep it secret.

From what I understood when I resigned, the membership number changes, but your name is still there. I almost want to ask my folks to tell me what it looks like now, but that would be a little bit like poking a quiet hornets nest.
Not something a person with any SENSITIVITY wants to do without great incentive.

Huh?

I've never attended tithing settlement, so please could somebody clarify, but it sounds like parents are getting a record of their children's tithing!? Is this correct?

When you go to tithing settlement you get two things:

1) A record of your financial contributions for the year
2) A copy of your membership record for you to review for accuracy. Your membership record includes a list of your children plus some basic stuff like their kids baptism date and membership status. So I believe your parents membership record would indicate that you were no longer a member - although you would still be listed as a child.

Your reaction to other poster is understandable. You got tossed a cheap and easy cookie-cutter generic answer with a few "manly" references (not sure what they proved).
I read your question with interest and was happy to encounter other responses that showed some respect for the question.

Thanks for all who answered my question about the tithing settlement. My mom's okay with it all (she's an "apostate" now), but I'm just worried about my dad, who is very strict and puts the church first. I'll prepare to deal with it if it does come up, but I just don't want to stir up anything just yet since our relationship is already rocky and he may blame my mom for my resignation.