Posted by:
wendell
(
)
Date: November 17, 2010 07:44PM
Since telling my parents and siblings of my sexuality, the relationship I have with them has gone from bad to worse, and frankly I don’t like it. It is not easy to admit, but I really do need family right now. Yes, I have my kids and some exceptionally close friends that bring me great joy, but there is something special about having parents and siblings in your life. I wish there was an easy answer to this dilemma, but there obviously is not. I’d like to tell you a bit about what I have done in an attempt to repair some of these relationships.
I decided several weeks ago to choose one sibling that might be the most receptive to having a relationship with me. My plan was to e-mail, call, or text her while hoping that this might be a start of something good. While I did not expect things to improve overnight, I was not prepared for the almost immediate degradation to the already-poor relationship we had. Things are so much worse than they were before, and I don’t dare try again. I have pretty much decided that having parents and/or siblings in my life will never be possible, and it hurts. I truly don’t dare try again with any of the rest of my family, and it’s a very difficult thing to accept. Yes, I am happy being who I am, but the feeling of being alone is devastating at times. Luckily, I still have my kids.
My oldest son is scheduled to leave on a mission to Mexico in about 4 weeks. He has invited me to hear him speak in church, but I don’t think I can go because of the fact that my parents and brothers/sisters will be there. I know I should go anyway to support my son, but I worry about the stress that might be placed upon him if I do attend. I certainly cannot sit with my ex-wife, and I could never ask the other kids to sit with me. So, if I do happen to go, I will go a little late, sneak in the back, sit alone, and leave as soon as he is done speaking. I would really hate for him to see me there and possibly feel obligated to mention me in his talk. As you can probably imagine, the rest of the ward does not like me very much, and I do not want to cause a disturbance...even a small one. You can probably imagine all the issues my choosing to attend might cause and I don’t know if I can do it.
Anyway, I feel like I have been rambling, but I would like some advice if any of you have any for me regarding this. Thank you in advance.
Wendell