As you moved away from being a TBM, did you become a better lover? Why exactly do you attribute that too?

Yes, lost the guilt.

x 100, HELL, YEAH!!!!!

was a definite improvement.

TBM wife still wants them in there along with the prophet and SP. It just dawned on me she's having a mental orgy without me OMG!

Well, considering there is no letter from the First Presidency giving my partners an excuse not to perform oral sex...YES, I would say "It gets better."

And there are no recriminations for "spicing things up" however you want to, either.

I hope this isn't an essay question.

Yeah, this is too subjective. The only way to be sure of your performance skills is to conduct a proper orgy under the right scientific conditions and environment.

[warming up my test tube as we speak]

I gave my lovers the best 30 seconds of their lives!!

I always thought that women didn't get visually stimulated, only men...turns out that isn't true. Whether that's due to getting rid of the guilt of Mormonism or just because my husband is so incredibly handsome, I'm not sure.

They've done a number of studies where they have shown that straight men and straight women both get aroused by porn.

Interestingly straight men are aroused by lesbian porn but not gay porn.

Whereas straight women are aroused by lesbian porn. (I don't recall if women were aroused by gay porn.)

Even beastiality and so forth.

The disconnect happens when those women are asked to describe their arousal levels. They report high levels of arousal to things they "should" like, like romantic scenarios or straight sex scenes. But their bodies are responding with arousal to all of it.

"I don't recall if women were aroused by gay porn."

I am! When I run out of hardcore yaoi, I'll go to porn..

Arousal alone is not a measure of pleasure or satisfaction with particular sexual experience. Even abused children experience arousal, one reason it is so psychologically devastating to them later. Humans respond to images of sex with arousal, whether it's something they would actually desire themselves or not, because it's the brain's mirror neurons responding whether the person wants to experience it that way or not.

Arousal alone does not mean something sexual is experienced as positive. Remember even children can be aroused while being abused. Even people "performing" in porn may be aroused, but many take drugs just to get through it because it is to demeaning and devastating to their sense of self.

Being a good lover or being satisfied or fulfilled emotionally and physically on the other hand is about the whole person.

I wish this kind of information was made more public and available. Unfortunately, most people are afraid to understand why they have fantasies or weird thoughts regarding sexuality.

TO clarify about mirror neurons, see: "A mirror neuron is a neuron that fires both when an animal acts and when the animal observes the same action performed by another.[1][2][3] Thus, the neuron "mirrors" the behaviour of the other, as though the observer were itself acting. Such neurons have been directly observed in primate and other species including birds. In humans, brain activity consistent with that of mirror neurons has been found in the premotor cortex, the supplementary motor area, the primary somatosensory cortex and the inferior parietal cortex. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron


Humans vomit when they see someone vomit, yawn when someone yams, laugh when someone laughs, get hungry when seeing someone eat, are aroused when someone shows them sex. Has little to do with what is fulfilling to the person.

It's the sound and smell.

100% better for me and my wife.....guilt/confusion is fading with each month we do not attend anymore. (been 2yrs now).

Literally everything that I did in life before I was relating back to the LDSinc. and it was a crazy way to live. Make a friend at work and Wow I would think it was "meant to be" and it was related to mormonism....better get them baptized/converted. I couldn't do anything without thinking that it was related to mormonism.....including sex.

Definitely! I spent so many years as a mormon trying to be straight. All the dating and physical intimacy things were incredibly confusing to me. I really wished there was some sort of guide book that explained when to hold hands, when to kiss, etc. I had absolutely no clue.

Once I started dating men instead of women everything fell into place ...

Haven't had sex with DW for over a year... thanks Mormon church. (I no longer have a temple recommend which somehow translates to I'm not worthy of sexual intimacy).

I don't know if I would say I was a "better" lover but DH and I are more open with things if that makes sense. Part of my/our struggles with the church was that we didn't have issues or guilt over porn or certain sexual acts between us. We don't view them as wrong and both of us feel that sexual exploration is necessary for a person/couple to grow. I find it odd that so many wives are against pornography when it can be used in such a positive manner in a relationship. I encourage any woman who is struggling to please her husband (esp. orally) in the bedroom to watch some high quality gay porn. I am not kidding, those boys really know what to do! Best crib notes ever.

During - as my evil ex told me at that time that I wasn't any good in bed. Guilt trips galore. Decided to figure out how to do it right and read "How to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed" which was a huge eye-opener. Very matter-of-fact, described differences between what arouses a male vs. a female - detailed descriptions of how to give a BJ HJ, etc. Also a lot in there about loving your own body etc.

He enjoyed the results but then started withholding sex as punishment (he's VERY emotionally abusive) and I didn't care at that point as I was hating him anyway and sex on my part was nothing more than going through the motions. It was very emotionally cold. I actually felt like a prostitute - I was just trading my body to get him to shut up and think everything was ok. Yeah, at that point he only wanted sex when he thought I didn't.

After I left him - wow. Great sex and much more meaningful, involved, better, etc. I could never get back into the "sex = sacred" mindset again and I didn't want to. Sex can be amazing, but it's not being married that flips that switch - it's who you're with.

Very easy answer--YES, YES, YES