I was wondering how people assess RfM successes. I know that we managed to dissuade a person recently from allowing the missionaries to teach her any further lessons. What kind of list is there over, say, the last year of people that have gotten cold feet or bailed out over stuff we post here?

Are there any current posters that have bailed out over the previous year because of this board?

(My own story: I discovered RfM 2006-2007, announced my pending resignation in 2008, and resigned in Jan 2009. It was definitely and directly because of exmormon.org.)

It worked for me.

I discovered RfM in late 2008 by way of the Salamander Society.

I lurked at RfM for a few months until I found out that I knew one of the posters. Since then, I posted a couple of things, told my bishop what he can put his temple and quit wearing garmies.

For a lot of reasons I'm staying in, but this board continues to be my support group.

Thanks y'all.

I was already inactive, atheist, and convinced the church was a fraud when I found this site.

This site has helped me feel less alone and it is currently helping me to process rethink a lot of old experiences and work through the emotions. I'm still angry about a lot of things but I think that is normal.

I was emotionally on my way out.

But this site led me to intellectually articulate why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

Thanks, RFM peeps.

I was inactive when I found RfM. I found it after being asked by the ward missionary leader if it was OK to give the missionary lessons to my children. I initially agreed but decided to find out what the morg really was about. I read RfM about four hours a day, every weekday, for about a month. Along the way I cancelled the indoctrination session and have never looked back.

I was highly questioning the church and what it really was. I had my mission call and currently going to BYU. After coming here for a few weeks I've fully decided that I'm not going to be apart of TSCC anymore, told my TBM parents (who are still devastated) and I'm currently in the process of transferring to a different school. Success story right here.

newtothis Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was highly questioning the church and what it
> really was. I had my mission call and currently
> going to BYU. After coming here for a few weeks
> I've fully decided that I'm not going to be apart
> of TSCC anymore, told my TBM parents (who are
> still devastated) and I'm currently in the process
> of transferring to a different school. Success
> story right here.
Proud to have helped in any way! Hang in there, your parents WILL get over it. Might take 10 years or so. :D

recover from mormonism, not to get members out. (The ones who get out because of exmo dot org are gravy)

I think it has helped me realize I wasn't crazy for having doubts. I tried holding back the truth, but RfM (along with Mormonthink, a bunch of books, and podcasts) has acted as a huge tidal wave ... it has made it easier to face my fears. The truth is the truth. I feel mentally and spiritually free now.

This board has given me quick accurate information to challenge my longtime TBM friend John. He feels very guilty about the usual stuff that normal men do, plus feels terrible because he's been married and failed several times. Ironic, because he was social-pressured to marry by the ward, so he married a woman he didn't love using the Spencer Kimball recipe for marital success (for lurkers that recipe is this: marry anyone and keep the commandments).

Anyway, having failed to convince him the BOM is a joke, just this week I confronted him on this one: Lying is a Utah custom and comes from the top, that's why there's so many MLM's and conjobs in Utah. My example was the Gordon Hinckley statements to Larry King, which I had word for word from RfM.

This may not sound like much, but it's the first crack in 20 years.

I was mentally "out" of the church by August 2008. I began turning to this board late into the night every night.

Then some circumstances at home changed, and I wans't free to get on here very often until the last few months. Since then, I've been up until 2 or 3 in the morning most days of the week reading these posts or listening to Mormon Stories podcasts. What a blessing it is to be unemployed!

My family has been in no position to take the news of my little "faith crisis," but I intend on having a chat with my wife about it very soon.

RfM has been one of the few places I could turn to, and I see so many people who have been where I am now. It can be very lonely. I love the people here. Everyone accepts everyone else. Funny, you don't get that in the church. Apostates are pretty darn good people. Glad to be with y'all.

Totally agree with anagrammy - quirky and smart people all over the place here. Gives me the feeling I'm not the only one whose jokes got blank stares from other church members. Or maybe I'm just not funny. That's probably it.

And wine country girl, getting us out of the church is the first step to our recovery!

Here ya Seymour -- I'm going to break the news this weekend to the DW. I've written out this long list to discuss with her, including where I will meet her half way (e.g., pay her half of tithing, go to church "for the children", etc.). Good luck to you.

Awesome! I was planning to ruin my wife's weekend, too! This is our stake conference weekend, and that's one thing neither of us has ever been too excited about. (It's about 45 minutes to the stake center). I thought I might as well use the time we're not going to conference wisely.

I was thinking on Saturday we'd see some brief nudity in the new Harry Potter movie to drive the spirit away, and then I'll probably start the discussion once the baby is down.

It will take her few days to process for sure, but I think if she'll let me present the polyandry issues and Book of Abraham, she might come around to my way of thinking without much persuasion on my part. I can hope, anyway.

I'll be prayi. . . er . . thinking of you and your family. Seriously, good luck. Hope all goes well.

seymour Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> I'll be prayi. . . er . . thinking of you and your
> family. Seriously, good luck. Hope all goes well.


See! You're funny!

I was already out, but info on this site has inspired me to find ways to get my family out(haven't attempted yet, but I am building a plan). Before I was just "..It's just as good as any religion...If it makes them happy..." and maybe I will change my mind again and leave them alone, but finding out about the endowment rituals really shocked me. I don't know what I expected it to be, but after being told my whole childhood how "it was going to be the most special moment of my life" I expected it to be more than frat boy initiation. I KNOW THIS IS MY PROBLEM but it was hard for me to think as highly of my family, knowing they had accepted this as "special", or finding out my sister is willing to accept 2nd wife status in heaven. Coming on to this board a month ago helped me understand it's not a matter of intelect, but a pattern of brainwashing, that I had escaped many years before I found out about these things, so of course I found them ridiculous...

The people I have met here have helped me a lot.

This site absolutely helped me get out of mormonism. It was the biggest factor,actually. Any subject you were having questions about could usually be found on RfM. I owe a great deal to RfM and all the posters. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and being so honest.

I couldn't begin to list all the ways RFM has helped me!

Having my questions answered--finally after 30 years--was huge!

Knowing I wasn't going crazy, that I wasn't a "contentious spirit, and that I could be an honest, moral, wise, good person without the cult, gave me the confidence and courage to keep moving forward.

I came on RFM to find out the current rules, among the ever-changing rules, which applied to women and not to men, which applied to peons but not to relatives of GA's, about temple marriage. What a relief to find out that the whole mess is just a hoax!

I was afraid to ask my question, because I lurked for an hour before asking. You all were so knowledgeable about scriptures and church history! some of you were angry. Some were very outspoken about atheism, which startled me. But everyone had good points, that made sense! So, I wrote my question, and went to the office for the day.

When I went on to see if anyone had any answers, I couldn't find my thread, as it had gone onto back pages. It looked like probably no one had answered me. Actually, the thread had been closed, because there were so many answers! I was overwhelmed at the LOVE, the concern, caring, interest, and friendship that was expressed! Some of you even invited me to e-mail you, personally. When I read the sympathetic responses, I actually cried!

I was not alone anymore!

As far as my personal successes go, Seymour is right! My greatest accomplishment is getting my children out of the cult. Most other success stories are about preventing victims from joining in the first place. when they are still investigating, I encourage them to investigate a little deeper, and give them this website. It is at this point that we can do the most good.

I consider this "preventative care" or "innoculation." Once someone has joined the cult, they quickly turn off their mind, and we can no longer reason with them.

I hate the way the cult deceives innocent children, and I have had success in warning parents about the LDS church and its motives. Parents always say, "I thought they were such lovely, happy, family-oriented people!" NOT.

I was attending a different church at the time as the Mormon church was too far away. I googled whether I can take communion at the other church and somehow found this website. Years of conditioning told me Satan will eat me if I read this but I read it anyway. Only you guys will understand the sick feeling in my stomach when I learned for the first time what went on in the temple (blood oath and all). There was no way to recover from that one. If it weren't for RfM, I might still be Mormon.

Thank you!
Elise

Had I not been referred to this site by a co-worker as a way to deal with my crazy grandma, I honestly don't think I would have ever officially left.

And I'd also like to place another specific thank you to the board for keeping me sane while housebound during my back surgery recovery. I think I may have gone stir crazy without it.

I didn't find out about RfM till I had left the church.

It helped me word my resignation letter and I felt strength from not allowing the morg to walk all over me.

I am sure there are a lot of seeds planted here which help people who are unsure of how to handle things.

It has helped me 'recover', and I intend to use the useful info found here to persuade others to look again at their membership in the morg.

Thanks RfM

For me, it wasn't the site in and of itself - it was a conduit for me to meet others IRL that questioned just as I did.

Ron

As an individual who has frequented this establishment since 1998, I've never considered it my "job" to help others get out of the cult. I agree with wine country girl. RFM is about recovery (if that's even possible) and healing. Its certainly not about presenting a strong united front or any other type of misleading facade.

What this place has done and always will do is let doubters and dissenters know that they are not alone. In that respect, RFM has exceeded the loftiest of expectations. I can't express the absolute joy I experienced upon discovering that it wasn't just one or two, but hundreds and possibly even thousands of folks who had more-or-less traveled the same rocky road. I lurked all of 15 minutes before making my first post. 20 years of self-doubt and mental anguish erased in the blink of an eye. That was cool!

In a thread some years back, a poster asked what RFM's motto should be. The consensus was "You Are Not Alone!" I believe that to be RFM's "job" and have nothing but praise for the manner in which it has discharged its duties.

So, yeah!

Timothy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/19/2010 08:51AM by Timothy.

I believe the primary objective/s our site owners was to hand hold, if you will, those who are thinking about, are about to, or who have just left the former faith. In this respect, RfM gets 5 shining stars as evidenced by the massive amount of personal archived stories which if published would result in several, large volumes.

I also think that the site has been a great philosophical, academic and personal resource for the new ExMo or worried investigator. RfM is one huge international ideas exchange depot, so to speak.

It's difficult to gauge its effectiveness for lurkers, obviously. But I wager the hand holding works for them as well. I'll go further and say that even our friendly neighborhood drive-by trolls and general loonies that post in here are affected and effected in some way.

I discovered RfM in 2000 and spent hours reading exit stories. I had been out of the church 2 years already, but never knew of anyone else who had left due to the problems I was having with the church. Everyone I knew who had left was inactive, but still believed. It was a great source of comfort to me at that time.

Then DH and I moved and a lot of time passed. I rediscovered the site a few months ago after realizing that I still have a lot of buried issues with Mormonism to deal with. I am sometimes too timid to post, but I have spent many hours reading and relating to the posters here. Thank you all. :)

I knew about this site maybe about a year before I started posting or reading it regularly. When I stopped believing, I didn't know what to do for about a year. I still wore my garmies out of habit, and paid tithing out of fear of losing my job. I felt trapped within the church. When I started really reading this site almost a year ago, I felt a tremendous amount of relief when I learned that I could resign. I haven't formally resigned, but just knowing that I can if I so choose is liberating. I also spent hours reading the exit stories.

the fact that within a week of really reading on this site, I ditched the garmies, paid a visit to Target and got non-white underwear!

Leaving for me was a lonely process. I didn't post much here, but I was happy to read what others posted.

Personally, I have found this board preferable to others I have participated in over the years for many reasons. It's just like real life: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly!

It has been a repository for the process of leaving the LDS Church: the humor, interesting stories, support, help, and most of all, new information that I could easily verify.
I learn something new almost daily on this board.

I have gained the confidence and skill to be a support to others I know personally who have or want to leave the LDS Church and remain confident in my own choices and decisions.

YES, we are doing a pretty good job as RFM posters. The ones who have left because of this board were here because they already had doubts and issues that they needed help with or validation for. I enjoyed these stories.

I have been a lurker for years and just recently started posting my thoughts. This board has shown me that I am not alone in my feelings about the church. My wife and I have not been the the LDS church since 1982, but we have yet to resign. I thought for many years that I was the odd man out. When I found this board I realized that I was the normal one who was victimized by a cult. Reading all the posts from so many people who have such a variety of backgrounds, helped me immensely and still does. Good work guys!!!