I told my dad a few months back that I was at a point in my life where I didn't want to have anything to do with the church. My dad is an interesting guy. Everything is black or white for him, and Glenn Beck might not be God, but he certainly is an administering angel.

Anyway, we haven't talked much about the church, but we were having a conversation about something else and I brought beliefs into the conversation. Not religion, just what I believe in as a person. He told me that he didn't have his temple recommend and hasn't been to the temple since he was released as branch president (more than three years ago). He said he was talking to the stake president and told him he probably was worthy enough to get one if he just answered the questions without much thought, but he was taking it as time to reflect and make sure he was honestly answering each of the questions. He said he will get a recommend when he feels ready again.

Honestly, it made me realize that I shouldn't avoid discussing religion with my dad. Maybe I can have more of an influence on him than I thought.

Anyone have any advice? He is a big reader of the mopologists, so I can't throw anything at him that they cover. I have tried to just talk about how happy I have been since I left, but I want to throw something a bit heavier at him.

Lazarus--how old are you? It makes a big difference.

Anagrammy

31

I favor the low key approach but without a lot of questions. For example, he said some things concern him. Instead of asking what they are, comment that a lot of people feel the same way he does. Mention that you felt that way for a while, but the question of worthiness was overshadowed by the concerns you had about the temple ceremony itself.

Wait for it.

If he does not ask you what concerns you had about the temple ceremony, then drop it. If he does, then express your feelings simply and without being overdramatic.

I feel you are on safer ground expressing your own feelings IF ASKED, and then asking how he feels about it. The reason I prefer this approach is because everyone is right about how they feel so there is no possibility of creating an irresolvable conflict of opinion on a fact. Much better and much more personal than arguing about whether or not Joseph Smith was a fallen prophet or whether or not Brigham Young was the legitimate successor, etc.

Good luck!

Anagrammy

Sounds like daddy may be working this out all by himself. Give him some space, it's a big decision.

I stunned my kids when I broke the news to them.

My kids are in their late 20's



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2011 01:06AM by mia.

+100

Give him space, he's on his way all on his own! If you do talk about it, talk about him not you..for example: what questions of the TR interview do you reflect the most on? How do you feel about not going anymore? That will give you more insight as to what it is that has him not going rather than throwing something random at him. If it's tithing and the mall, throw numbers around. If it's masonic something or other, bring that up. If he was around for the changes in the ceremony he may have questions there. Be a sounding board for him..not a see I told you so!

It's loving, supportive and honest. :)

What I wouldn't give for just 1 more conversation with my Dad....my folks are very close to my heart today as it would have been their 72nd anniversary....

My parents are gone now too and I miss them every day.

They would've celebrated their 55th today.

People in the LDS organization are living a life of dualism. Just seeing another person he loves and has a deep relationship may be giving him a reason to look at some of the ways he has always felt and kept on the shelf.

Believe me all mormons have a whole shelf full of things they are refusing to think about.....but they creep in to their thinking at times in life when they are trying to figure out things....not going on autopilot.

I like Jessica's suggestions. See if he will discuss what's eating at him.

He doesn't want to go. Just give him some time, the longer he stays away from it the harder it will be to return.

It sounds to me like he is still a firm believer. He probably just doesn't like the way the Stake President chooses speakers for stake conference, and thus isn't technically in full support of his local leaders, or something stupid like that. If he's being thorough in his answers, he won't get a recommend if he can find one little such thing.

Thanks everyone, excellent advice. My dad is a great person, and a lot of the personality traits I have that eventually led me away from the church came from him. But, he is a creature of habit. One conversation where I voiced my frustration with the church ended when he said "well, I've been going all of my life. I'm not going to stop now."

One crutch for him that he uses as he puts several issues on a shelf is "the church is true, but the people aren't." I used to get by saying the same thing. I have tried to get him to see that any organization that encourages, participates, even mandates such horrible behavior from its people cannot be true.