Like Mia said in RJ's thread, TSCC wants to homogenize it's members. Obviously, that doesn't work. We are people with individual thoughts, ideas and feelings.

I've always had the "Warrior Woman" spirit. I idolized She-Ra, Heart, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper as a child. I devoured mythology and was fascinated with goddesses like Athena and Artemis. Even as a child, I knew I wanted to go to college and have a career (ironic I'm a nanny right now).
I suppose some mormons can reconcile their un-mormony life aspects, but I couldn't be one of them.

how weird! I was a nanny for about 3 years. Loved those kids. Then I married the RM next door. That lasted for 2 years.

Do what ever you need to do to get your education.

To answer your question. I never fit in because I felt like I was had to be someone I wasn't.
My natural talents lean toward the arts. That was not acceptable.
However, I imagine it's a little like being born gay. I couldn't help it. If i'm not doing something creative, I feel like i'm going to go crazy. I get very depressed. No amount of religion ever changed that drive in me. The only time it was acceptable was if they wanted to use me. It was always looked down on if I ever told anyone I was taking classes or selling my work. Apparently I wasn't supposed to be good enough at what i did to ever invest time or make money.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2011 01:32AM by mia.

Amen to that. I get very depressed if I am not able to express myself creatively. Can't help it. Creative people will always have a problem staying mormon.

I'm an introvert. The Mormon church was not a good environment for my personality type - No, I didn't do my home teaching this month and I definitely don't want to give a sacrament talk on tithing. Damn it, just leave me alone! - But leaving people alone is the one thing Mormonism cannot do.

I'm a liberal, a questioner, a reader, a feminist and an introvert. Need I say more?

How did we ever end up in a place so bad for us?

I suppose I'm also an introvert.
I can only paint in solitude. The RS room just doesn't do it for me.

I think there are a bunch or right brained people in a left brain religion. Toxic combination.

It's a bizarre combo- but I really now understand the need for solitude and how much better I feel when I spend a lot of time alone. I used to be the girl who NEVER stayed home, even on weeknights!
I'm also split down the middle as far as right vs left brain- also a strange combo, but it explains why I could live a double life while in TSCC, no?

I am quite introverted too.
in a way, I guess that took me into the church, as it was an easy way to get a controlled number of *Friends* and a predictable social life.

on the other hand, I never felt comfortable with HT (although I did it) and did not really like the fact of being forced to give talks, lessons, prayers, etc.

Itzpapalotl, I'm glad you wrote that because I thought I was really weird.

Being strongly left brain and right brain has been obvious for a long time. I knew I could very rational and yet be moved deeply by certain things (art, music, and the like). BTW: Notice that "the spirit" wasn't on that list.

But I never realized that I am both introvert AND extrovert until you asserted that you are. I didn't think you could check BOTH boxes on that one! But yeah . . . I love solitude. A lot of it. I can hardly remember a time in my life where I longed for company. I like to focus on what I'm doing.

But I also love to be around people, but probably in shorter doses. And if I didn't have people I care about and who care about me, I'd feel lonely. I just don't need them around all of the time. :-)

I like myself first and formost! Freedom, time to really enjoy things in life, and truth. All of these are forbidden in the Mormon church!

I don't play basketball.
I don't like to hafta.
I question everything.
I'm not inclined to breed.

I'm seeing a trend here.

took me 3 minutes. why hasn't the church figured it out?

cyndi lauper sings my life theme song: girls just wanna have fun

Mine would be "I'm trouble" By Pink

+1

I have a problem with authority
I question everything
liberal
minority
female but I wanted to do anything but stay at home and have babies

When I got baptized my mother said I would never last in the church. I was very offended at the time, but now I understand. And she was right.

I have some TBM friends who have been blogging lately about how church is becoming more and more unbearable. Because they are introverted, they feel invisible. I sincerely hope they can find their way out and be appreciated for who they are.

If I hadn't been BIC I never would have been a member.

Too smart, too logical.

Introverted. Shy.

Feminist Liberal. I didn't speak up but I didn't agree.

Then add later single divorced mother.

I think I started feeling alienated somewhere around the transition into YW.

about certain men who expect women to be stay-at-home, uneducated and grateful for any small mercies that the bloke sees fit to endow upon her.

We call this 'A pit village mentality'.

Women of my generation (post war baby boomers) kicked hard against this in the mainstream. Somehow I felt like a traitor to my kind when I eschewed the doctrines of the morg, particularly when it pertained to a woman's role.

So, I got an education and married a modern guy. Somehow it was, after that, a very poor fit indeed for me and therefore a rather uncomfortable journey.

Now I'm mad with rage at my own stupidity.

Briggy

I never really fit in with Mormonism, when I just couldn't take the abuse anymore.

I couldn't tolerate authoritarian, narcissistic, chauvinistic, abusive Mormon men. This describes two of my TBM brothers, and both of my TBM husbands.

Right--a single divorced working mother NEVER can fit in with Mormonism. I am both social and a loner, and I like to have fun with my friends, and to read by myself. I think if you want a BALANCED life, Mormonism is not for you! If you want joy and love and creativity, Mormonism is not for you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2011 03:05AM by forestpal.

There is a huge difference between ignorance and stupidity.

I think mormon women are kept in a state of ignorance (not knowing) for as long as the church can keep them there.

Stupid is being not bright enough to recognize mistakes.
Too dumb to recognize an error.

You may have been lacking in information, But you are far from stupid.

It hurts my soul when people refer to themselves as stupid, when it is clear they are not.

Be more kind to yourself. I will be kind to you too.

I was born in 53' The worlds mentality we had foisted on us was confusing. unsupportive, certainly no comforts or guarantees. Our generation of women have had to resolve problems, and rewrite our lives in ways we never dreamed imaginable. There was nothing to go by. The rules constantly changed. It has been a hard road for many.

It felt like "home", and I was a pretty good Molly. I LOOKED the part, believed every bit of it, did what I was asked, and kept the rules. I enjoyed the community of instant friends.


But I was different because:
-I valued education and finished an advanced degree before marrying in my late 20s. That made me a bit of a freak. People were just SOOOO impressed by my education that it was kind of embarrassing. [BTW, it wasn't rocket science or MD, or anything, but apparently it's really amazing for a woman to finish school or accomplish something. Which made the surprise/awe a bit of an insult, actually].

-Moroni's promise [AKA Moroni's mind game] didn't work for me. So I always felt that I lacked that spiritual confirmation of the whole thing. I wasn't in the testimony club.

-I never wanted to be part of the ward gossip, even when it was part of my calling. Maybe I was a bit "out of the loop".

-I didn't keep my house perfect and my kids didn't look perfect, either. And I didn't scrapbook much at all. So I was a slacker.

Same here. I fit, because I was a good little rule follower. I didn't fit because I could not relate to what the brethren and RS leaders told me a woman was. I was never a "sweet spirit". A good person, yes...but a sweet spirit...naaah.

I spent a lot of personal energy trying to look devout for approval. What a waste!

I HATE scrap booking. Thats why we have computers... If my house and kids looked perfect it would have been because I was having a nervous break down.

Welcome to slacker town.

Good God the rules of perfection at the expense of our sanity are Insane.

I now pronounce you free of all that rediculous stuff that never mattered any way! I mean really. Can you imagine the kids dad saying that stuff to you? You'd wonder if he was feeling ok. Who said we had to like scrapbooks for God to like us? Do you know how many of those I have seen at junk stores for 5.-?

Nobody had a clue who they belonged to.

I put all of my kids pic on a zip drive, gave them each one and told them to make their own scrapbook. Guess what. they don't care either.

So, go do something you enjoy. Love your kids. Let go of the idea of looking perfect. It's a total waste of time and energy.There isn't much in life that waits for us, but dirty dishes always do. so let them wait.

I always wanted to be an artist but was hindered because "satan might just be creeping up on you" nonsense. UgHH!

Portland?

I had scholarships to Portland Museum of Arts, but my parents wouldn't let me go. These are the things they had to say about it: It's an evil place. And besides that I should be looking for a husband, that is no place to look for a spouse. And it is a useless waste of time and money. You can't make money being an artist. All I needed to know was a little bit of math and reading to read recipes. You're not smart enough to make it through college. Never mind I graduated high school at 16.

Turns out I didn't make much money working at K-mart.
Married an RM, divorced him 24 months later.
At times, I've done quite well selling my work. It's not something I do full time. Just when I want to.
I really felt taken when I got older and realized everything they said to me was so wrong. I went to college 20 years later. I was on the deans list every single semester. Success is the sweetest revenge.

cuz I'm totally not interested in a boy's club based on a set of myths and lies.

and I'm a weirdo...

I don't fit into mormonism because
I'm smart
not very social
don't show emotion
have a sense of humor
I never wanted to marry
I don't have kids
hate chick flicks
love cussing
always thought people on tv and magazines had way better lives

feel like I don't have to take orders from anyone UNLESS they are my boss, a cop or a judge

It was a very empty life full of nothing. I was told I could never be an artist because it might get in the way of church stuff and i'd never need any of those skills when we get to our own planets stage anyway.

I was eccentric and liked to look diffrent and my sight made it difilct to tell people appart if someone has the same colord jacket as another person so everyone looked the same and I was just left to cope.

The dullness of the church made my dissability stick out alot more and I often felt like a china doll put on desplay. Famous for being the blinky but past that blinkys wernt treated all that well.

I know I have to get away because a life of no color and wateing to die or being some guys trophy wife he got to look better in gods eyes and look after 'the poor weak blind girl' just made me want to stop liveing. I have to have a diffrent life.

how can anyone really fit in to MORmONISM when they are tainted by having a parent who is a gospel lesser like a convert. MORmONS work so hard to convert ppl, apparently so they can have ppl to treat like crap. If the convert doesn't measure up to good MORmON standards then they are obviously
defective, and if they do measure up then how dare they be so arrogant & uppity. Its a good old LOSE/LOSE MORmON set up. And never mind that MORmON gods Joe Smith & Brig Young were converts. Then again, anyone stupid enough to join the sick twisted MORmON cult really is begging to be treated like a MORmON.

I was thinking the same thing. Why did I never really fit in? Right off the bat I thought "lineage". I was a convert and though people praised my efforts and courage and sacrifices I knew I wasn't BIC nor had pioneer heritage and was there for less valiant in the pre existence. Second I have a natural inclination to do what I think is right no matter the cost. I hate that Mormonism is what I thought was right for so long, but when I finally saw it for what it really was I couldn't bear it for another moment. I am introverted and artistic and female like many of the other posters on this thread. I always felt like the ward pet, like they would put me on display to make themselves feel more diverse and normal. Like those "I'm a Mormon" commercial people. "Thinking" doesn't help you fit in either. When I came out as a non believer to my TBM friends one cried and said, "but you were my only smart friend." She was friends with a click of 10 of the bright and beautiful ladies of the ward. I would LOVE for them to know she said that. You would not believe how many times I've been accused of "thinking too much" and therefore leaving the church. Uh? Really? So if you "think" you'll figure out it's a lie? Hmmmm. You can't "think" and remain loyal to the church? Yikes.

rmw

That's an easy one for me to answer. It's because I question too much. I'm not content to just be told that this is a truth, without wanting to know why it's a truth.

I'm like a little kid always going, "But why?" Or, "How?"

Why are we God's only true church and the other one's aren't? How do we know that Joseph Smith really saw what he said he saw? How do you know it's the Holy Ghost and not heartburn? But why would God say that agency is sacred and then ask us to stop gay people from marrying?

Why? Why? Why? How come? How come? How come?

Edit: Oh, yeah, and after reading other people's answers, I'm very much an introvert as well. It's very difficult to be that way in a very social church.

I hated going to church. I hid, so that no one would ask me to say a prayer. It took me 13 years to get up and bear my testimony and 14 years before they talked me into giving a talk. "Just let me hide, people, and leave me alone in my corner!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2011 07:59AM by Greyfort.

I didn't naturally believe. I was always forcing myself into a type of provisional belief. So, while everyone around me seemed to be happy, smily, true believers who were really really into the whole thing, I was lagging behind, thinking, "Um, okay, if you say so."

And there was the follow-the-leader problem. I was sufficiently okay with the general concept of following leaders, but I was not a fan of how my various church leaders led and where they were leading me.

Related to that was the whole don't-question-authority thing. But what if the authority is glaringly wrong, inept or even corrupt? Shut up and follow anyway. The Lord will straighten things out in the end and reward you for following diligently. It was following for the sake of following. Never mind where we were following to.

Eventually, I was able to say, "Hey, wait. Your goals, desires and beliefs aren't aren't MY goals, desires and beliefs. I'm on the wrong bus. Let me off at the corner."

Of course Nazi Germany is a prime example of the dangers of obeying authority without questioning. Eventually the question of why following the profit was different would have to be addressed.

Lesson: blind obedience is bad everywhere EXCEPT in the cult.

To Sky below: the Morg is another name for TSCC, the twoo crutch, called "the Church" by the sheeple.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2011 09:17AM by atheist&happy:-).

I am not a Mormon, but I like to pop in here from time to time to see how this religion has impacted so many. Can anyone tell me, please, what is meant by the "Morg"? I see this term here and there but I can not quite get it.

Thanks

Mor--referring to the mormon church. Borg from Star Treck but with a b. Also sounds like morgue.

I never fit in because I was an introverted teenaged convert.
I also didn't share any interests with the other teens in the ward, aside from the fact that most of them were rude, clickish, and judgemental.
As an adult, I never fit in because I'm not a gregarious natural born leader, which is pretty much what a guy needs to be in order to have any status in a ward. Most of my callings were background callings. EQ secretary, SS president, Advancement chairman in scouts, etc.

am introverted, etc. so I do not belong in the one-size-fits-all culture. Also, I was considered lesser at YBU, because my parents were converts from the Midwest.

My parents did not indoctrinate me, and growing up I did not feel there was a supernatural being. A lot of my time in TSCC was spent observing, and trying to figure it out, and catch up on what other members already knew. My observations led me directly to atheism. Life was uncomplicated, and dogma added layers of nonsensical explanations to a world that I found perfectly fine to begin with.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2011 08:54AM by atheist&happy:-).

but I think mine even comes down to lineage, too, though my father's side of the family were very early members.

My dad was a person who had the attitude of "this is what you get--take it or leave it." He didn't care what people thought of him. He was tough and outspoken. I remember some ward member coming by to get donations for the republican party and he got an ear full. He sat down and started talking like my dad agreed with him. My dad's first comments were something along the line of "You've come to the wrong place to talk like that."

I heard stories as I grew up about my dad's family, but it wasn't until he knew I wasn't going back that he started telling me things like my grandfather would drop my GM off to play the organ every Sunday--and he would go to the pool hall (with my 3-year-old dad) and shoot pool while she was playing the organ because people treated him poorly because he chewed tobacco (a habit he picked up in WWI).

I tried really hard to fit into the round hole they wanted to force me into. I wanted a guarantee. I thought I had no choice, but our family--not a one of us--ever fit into mormonism. We were brought up to be free thinkers and very independent.

I don't respond in a positive way to being told, "do this or else".

"I can't because I'm Mormon" I HATED that! I hated when they taught that in YW. One Sunday when I was a Laurel I finally braced by YW leader and said that using the excuse "because I'm Mormon" isn't good enough and we need to know WHY we don't drink/smoke/do anything fun on Sundays. Guess all that asking why is how I got myself to this website =)

As an adult, out of the cult, I find its much easier to find legitimate reasons why I don't do something--and people generally accept them. "I'm not much of a coffee drinker, never really got a taste for it" "No thanks, I'm driving tonight so I'm just drinking soda" "I'm spending Sunday with my family, but I'd love to meet up with you later" The "horrible temptations" that Mormons are so worried about (someone might offer you coffee!) aren't really that bad. However, if you're pushing religion in their face, with an "I'm better than you" attitude, they're not going to accept it as easily. Mormonism never teaches this. It always bothered me.

And I'm an introvert too =)

I fit very well. I keep my mouth shut. Didn't speak to anyone unless asked. Kept my opinions to myself but never enjoyed going.

I like to keep it interesting. When my whole life I litterally heard the same words day in and day out in church I started to hate it.... However I still fit in...

BUT when you lie to me or cover up facts when you yourself kept telling me to be 100% honest. I blew a total nut once finding out.

I'm really shy. I was going to one ward most of my childhood up until high school when I had to switch wards. In this new ward, all the girls were fake and rude to me. Then they started love-bombing me for not coming to church, which I thought was weird, because they treated me so bad in church. I too, am very introverted/shy, and I was always asking questions that no one could answer.

I'm more of an introvert as well. I can think for myself, am a nonconformist, and pretty liberal.

I was also "cursed" with athletic abilities and loved school and learning. I was more liberal and a feminist. And a natural leader.

I was constantly told, from age 10 to 18 that I, essentially, needed to be someone else in order to fit in. And as I was too young and vulnerable to tell such people to just F*** off, I internalized this unfortunate bullsh*t.

It took me years to find myself again after leaving and to jettison all the garbage they fed me. What is most eerie to me is, that I always resisted this kind of indoctrination, yet it still managed to filter in and mess with my sense of self.

The only way for me to be Mormon was for me to be someone else entirely. An alien to myself. And that is toxic.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2011 12:12PM by elee.

I always, always, always froze up and stumbled through my words when asked to give a prayer or talk. I hated being up on the pulpit where a line of much older men could oogle my butt where they sat behind me. Very unnerving. I was quiet and no one liked that. I was always looking at the clock, willing time to go faster. In YW, the teachers noticed the artistic ability I and my two friends had and made us 'teach them how to draw' for an activity. Of course, it turned into a pity fest of" Whiiiiine I can't draaaw!" I was surprised when we were asked to do it again just a few months later.

There are so many things that made me uneasy and stick out at that place. And I'm serious about the bishopric staring at female ass when a girl came to the pulpit.

I'm seeing here, not all, but most.

Shy, introverted, creative, intelligent, sense of your own unique style. Leadership, had a problem with us. Don't conform to others ideas of who you are. Well read.

Traits of underground movers and shakers. I think we are in the right place. The church has lost some of the best and brightest by being condescending bullies.

One simple answer is that it was never my tribe. I'm also introverted, hate scrapbooking, think too much, as well as being a feminist, intellectual, and liberal. I was also raised with the expectation of getting at least a Bachelor's degree and being able to support myself, or to contribute a second income in a marriage.

I never fit in because:

I am very liberal
I question everything
I want to know answers to everything
I like creativity and diversity
I am pro-choice
I do not like simplistic answers to everything
I do not like the robot/conformity effect of the church

Being a gay mormon kid in the 50's, of course I didn't fit in the church--or anywhere else for that matter.

I was raised in a very sheltered 100% mormon community in the mountains. We were all "groomed" carefully.

But, the real reason I never fit in was that even as a child, if I caught a glimpse of anything from the real world, I was fascinated with it on a level that a hardened heroin addict would call a great high.

Somewhere deep down, I knew I wanted to experience EVERYTHING!!!
As TBM as I was, my heart always had one foot out the door and ready to explore. And in the end, that never died, but my testimony did.

I have a tendency to blame myself and be hard of myself. The morg just piles in on, and it gets too much to bear. I think it helps a person stay active if they are one of those people who never think anything is their fault.

Before someone can reject Mormonism, they usually need to be open to the possibility something is wrong with the church. I would guess that people who fit the LDS church well are less likely to feel like something is wrong. Those of us that didn't fit, who felt like outsiders, or who aren't the group participant type, are probably more willing and more likely to spot problems with the church.

on the other hand there is a group of people who it all seems to work really well for. They don't understand why everyone can't just use their agency to fit in.

There are lots of reasons, but my analytical nature and greater-than-average ability to articulate abstract thought made me stick out like a sore thumb even as a TBM.

That and being a cocky bastard.

The mold you must fit is so narrowly defined it's a wonder anyone could stand it.