You are good enough! So am I.

Has anyone thrown canned advice at you? Something they heard somewhere and swallowed whole? You know what I'm talking about, advice that discounts your intellect and your hearfelt choices.

You're offended. Get over it.

Rise above your anger (when anger might or might not be what you're feeling.)

Strive for righteousness.

Be grateful for your blessings.

You're just disappointed you didn't get the calling you wanted.

Obedience is the only path to true happiness.

Take the high road (which means roll over and let church people stomp all over you.)

Pray for the "right" answers and read scripture.

Listen to the HG.

Don't deny the burning in your bosom.

We've missed you at church. (So it's your own fault if you feel lonely or abandoned.)

You chose your bed, now sleep in it.

You never had a real testimony. Pray for it and lean on mine until your prayers are answered.

All of the above statements discount who we are and what we feel. Those statements cut to the quick. They slap us when we're down and demonize our authenticity.

I'm like most exmormons who don't like being kicked around. I grew up in a dysfunctional BIC home to parents who expected their kids to lie about the plyg groups they supported and who expected me to be the whipping boy/girl in the family. They didn't want me to go to college of have a career. They saw me as a third or fourth teen bride for some lowlife mormon polygamist. I could be a bargaining chip for buying prestige with their plyg prophet of choice at the time.

They're ashamed of being proven wrong. I didn't make good. Instead, I finished college, I married a successful nevermo, celebrated our 45 year anniversery a couple of days ago, had a full career, paid for a nice house "out in the world, traveled to 22 European countries and most US states and accepted praise and awards I haven't bothered to mention to TBM family because in their eyes I failed and will always be a failure.

So how does it feel to come to a Recovery group board and be told I not good enough because of being flawed? It doesn't feel good.

Is it acceptable to have human flaws after what we've suffered? I think it is not only acceptable, it's normal and to to be expected.

Is perfection a legitimate and obtainable goal? Well, mormons and a few exmormons seem to think so.

Having PTS over occasional intrusions by mormon strangers at my door is harder on me than it is on pointy nosed driveby morg loving posters who tell me I'm wrong, mean, rude, and crotchety.

Big deal!

So what are wrong, mean, rude, crotchety exmormons supposed to do?

I know the answer. slink off into the shadows and shrivel up, die, and shut up.

No, I say if someone tells you you're not good enough, it's *they* who need to step up or slink off.

Some of us are done with that wornout message of not being good enough. And we've heard canned advice long enough to know it doesn't work unless someone asks for it and it coincidentally happens to suit them at their stage of development.

Those who weren't fazed by being mormons can go about their merry lives but I'll spit in their eyes if they say any of us aren't good enough. We're damned good! And it's time we knew it.

Catholics suffer from the same ideal of perfection. As I grew older, I came to think of it as "staring into your own navel syndrome" -- an unhealthy obsession with perfection. I came to understand that as long as you were achieving the obvious points -- not stealing, hitting others, murdering, etc. that you could relax about the smaller points. Nature is imperfect, and beautiful despite its imperfection. Why do we need to be perfect?

You've really achieved a great deal during your lifetime, Cheryl, despite some very adverse circumstances.

I think the posters who feel we need to "get over it" or "stop overreacting" should thank their lucky stars they aren't as badly affected.

In fact the discounters and minimalizers around here are the ones who need to get over themselves.

Does it feel good to shame people who are struggling?

This is a place that is supposed to be for support.

Some guy that I barely knew, sat across his big desk from me and told me that I wasn't good enough. He was dead wrong! I knew it, he knew I knew it. That is the very last opportunity I will ever give to anyone in a mormon leadership position to judge me.

I haven't been back since. The mo's think it's because he offended me. Can anyone think of a reason I shouldn't be offended?

That was just one tiny incident in an ocean of sewage. If the church was what it claims to be, that guy would have had very little effect on me. I could have easily went around him until I got what I was after.

Instead I went home and listened to john Dehlin. Thats when I realized I've been slapped down at every turn by people at church.

The list of mormon reason I'm not good enough.
female
not worth educating past grade 12
not worth listening to
nothing of value to offer
not attracted to mormon guys
didn't have babies when I "should have"
divorced abusive rm husband
shunned big time
black listed
they didn't want to hear anything I had to say
not good enough in any calling.
I didn't "act" humble enough
not a good enough mother
I didn't deserve my parents (that's an understatement)
didn't deserve my husband
didn't deserve a nice house
didn't deserve a nice car
didn't deserve good kids
didn't deserve to have a son on a mission
didn't deserve all of the "blessings" in my life
I did deserve to be chronically ill
I didn't deserve any help
My husband and I weren't good enough to be sealed to each other.
I wasn't good enough to be included at church.
Many members in my current ward couldn't figure out why I had blessings they didn't have. They were so much more righteous than me. They didn't even try to hide their resentment

How do I know all of this with such certainty? Because Mormons are the rudest, most unfeeling, self righteous people I have ever known. They actually told me to my face. There were also a lot of subtle things that made it pretty clear I would never really be in the upper rung of righteousness. No matter what I did or didn't do, I was never going to be good enough to belong to the club in any meaningful way. They still want me to give them 10% of the everything we have.
How I came through all of that knowing they are so wrong about me, is a miracle. All I can chalk it up to is that I have a very strong sense of self in spite of mormonism trying to beat it out of me. You cannot have a strong sense of self and be a good obedient mormon at the same time. one or the other will have to go. Since I am obedient to myself, they had to go.

certainly one I'd want to raise my daughters in ... NOT!

Timothy

You are awesome mia!

Mia is right about the sense of self. I had one, but it was severely atrophied during the mormon years.

You feel at the end like a piece of paper wadded up and thrown away. It takes a very long time to work all the wrinkles out and get back to crisp and clean--or as close to it as you can come.
Some wrinkles will leave deep creases that can only be filled with enlightenment and love.

There are those who never got wadded up. They could count their lucky stars, and look beneath the surface of things in their interactions with others. They might like that favor returned someday.

There is this word and its called Empathy, and for me, part of what that means, is that we are all good enough. We really should all be a team.

This was the top reason I started questioning everything. Being made to feel worthless or less of a person was a big red flag for me. First it was my brother then it was me and it was just wrong on so many levels. I had to get out.