I am a non-mormon in love with an inactive excom mormon in the UK. What's the situation with temple marriage sealing? My bf had a temple marriage sealing to another mormon but has since had a civil divorce. He is currently debating whether he can stay in a relationship with me as he has been told that unless he has another temple sealing to another mormon, he will be sealed to his ex. I understand that you can apply for a sealing cancellation but everything I've read suggests you can only do this when you are ready to be married to someone else. Whats it all about?

No,

If he has been civilly divorced that is what counts. IF he doesn't believe the ceremony was "Real" they really have no hold over him.

Get married, live life.

Problem is he wants to go back to church and he's worried that if he does and gets re-baptised that he will still be sealed to her if he doesn't have another temple sealing.

If your bf ever goes back to church you'll have much more to worry about than whether his fake marriage can be cancelled or not.

You must send him here (this site) first before it's too late for you! If your bf is a believer, then he will eventually expect you to believe too.

Ah...well then, according to doctrine they are sealed, for T&AE. If he is hell bent on getting rebaptized then he needs to work it out with his ecclesiastical "authority".

what does that mean? the bishop? Can he actual apply for a sealing cancellation? I know it used to be just women who could apply when they were ready to be remarried in the temple. Obviously, we are not ready to marry and I am not mormon and never will be but he is concerned that we will have a great life together but then he'll end up getting stuck with her in the next life!!!!

Oh boy...

Look it sounds to me like he is giving every excuse in the book not to commit with you. If I am totally wrong and this guy is honestly worried then he needs to figure out if he's coming or going so to speak. Either he believes the LDS religion- in which case he needs to meet with his area Bishop, write for a sealing cancellation etc- Or if he believes the church is complete BS then it doesn't matter if he was "sealed". Period. There isn't much anyone else can do for the man. If he needs more questions answered or some help maybe he can come on here and ask some questions himself. It's difficult to give good advice 3rd party. Your posts kinda read like "creepy jealous girlfriend".

Not creepy or jealous! I care about him and want him to be happy. He has a serious concern about going back that is causing him some distress and I am trying to help and support him, but I just don't understand all the rules because I'm not mormon myself, so thought this might be the best place to find out. I don't want him to give up the church to be with me because I know its important to him, so I'm just looking for a way around his problem - not creepy at all!

Bottom line is your BF needs to decide if he is going to be Mormon or not. You said he wants to go back to church. Great. When he goes back all he needs to do is meet with the Bishop and they will assist him in the temple divorce. Given that they are already civilly married I doubt the Bishop would object in helping him. As far as I know there is no online application process that instantly "unseals" a couple. If your BF decides he is no longer Mormon then it doesn't matter what people wearing bathrobes minus duck slippers do in an expensive building of nonsense. It's great you care about BF's happiness but this really is a personal decision that he must make for himself and it sounds like he just isn't ready yet.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2012 10:44PM by fetching49.

Whatsitallabout Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
He is currently debating
> whether he can stay in a relationship with me as
> he has been told that unless he has another temple
> sealing to another mormon, he will be sealed to
> his ex.


So he thinks he has to marry a Mormon to be able to cancel the sealing to his ex-wife, and he's willing to dump you because of that? Think about that. He cares less about you than he cares about breaking the sealing to his ex. Not a good sign.
Anyway, even if he did get sealed to another Mormon girl, the sealing to his ex-wife would still be in place. Mormon men get to be gods with multiple wives in heaven, so you would get to be his eternal wife #2.

Mormon men get to be gods with multiple wives in heaven, so you would get to be his eternal wife #2.

^^^^

And let's not forget that wife #2 is often the one stuck with alllll that laundry....

Men cannot get sealing cancellations. Only women can get this. So the only way his sealing to the ex can be cancelled is if his ex gets married in the temple to another man. Then she gets the cancellation, and that cancels their sealing.

Otherwise, he can only get a sealing clearance which allows him to marry another woman in the temple, and thus be sealed to his new wife and his ex wife.

It was my understanding that men don't need the cancellation, because they can't get "stuck" with a wife in the CK. If he decides he doesn't want her, he just chooses not to call her super secret name and she's stuck cooling her heels for eternity.

Let him go. He is not willing to be committed to someone again for whatever reason. Sounds like he still has a lot of past demons running his life for him.

You would be wise, in my view, to find someone that you share more in common with. He sounds like he's not ready for any committed relationship.

Men don't receive cancellations of sealings because the Temple Sealing/Marriage Covenant is The New and Everlasting Covenant which is plurality of wives (understood to be lived in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom.)

For a review of the beliefs/claims and ordinance/ritual see this list of posts #1 is background, #2 and #3 deal with the specifics of LDS Temple marriage. I put this together from my perspective, as an adult convert member for over 30 years, temple attendee as information that would be helpful to those that may or may not know much about the LDS temple marriage.


http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,385736,385736#msg-385736

First of all, I think this is a red flag that he may not care as much about you as you would like. Having said that though....

The above posters are correct in that men are never given sealing cancellations. The best they can get is a clearance to be sealed to more than one woman. The only way the sealing can be canceled is if his ex-wife wants to be sealed again, at which time she could apply to have it canceled. The idea here is that men can have multiple women in heaven, but women are never allowed multiple men, so the sealing with the ex has to be cancelled before they can have another sealing. Even if a woman has a very good reason for requesting a cancellation, if she is not about to be re-sealed to someone else her request will not be granted. The idea is that it's important for people to have the "blessings of the temple" and if the person is "worthy," the part of the sealing that seals them to God is still intact, even if they aren't still with the spouse. If the sealing is canceled, that blessing goes away, therefore the church never authorizes it.

Also, like Pista said, technically a man could just refuse to resurrect his wife by calling her secret temple name, and some other man would be assigned to do it and then keep her as his wife. Most members have never heard that idea though, so I would be really hesitant to bring it up with your boyfriend or with anyone else. That idea comes from some older teachings that don't see the light of day that much in mainstream LDS circles.

If your boyfriend were to ask a bishop or other church leader about this, they would tell him that it will all be worked out in heaven. There are tons of members sealed to the "wrong person" by the time they die, and God will break sealings and re-seal people until we're all happy. The important thing is that you die sealed to SOMEBODY, so that you can be in the giant web of eternal family that is sealed to God. (Unless you're a woman who never had a chance to get married, in which case you can still go to heaven and God will get you sealed to somebody after you get there.) In other words, people who are really firm in the church are not extremely bothered about being sealed to Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. The church says it will all be worked out in the end. Perhaps if your boyfriend talked to his bishop he could be reassured about this.

Bishops sometimes use the word "cancel" when referring to either cancellations or clearances, but if you look at the clearance/cancellation letter from the first presidency there is a difference. I would be willing to bet that you were asked if you would support a clearance. Even if your bishop really meant cancellation, which I have heard of bishops doing in extreme circumstances, the decision is made by the office of the first presidency and to my knowledge there has never been a case of such a cancellation being approved.

In the process of "rebaptism," temple blessings are restored all at once with a laying on of hands. This is possible because the ordinances are not technically canceled at the time of excommunication but instead the attendant blessings/rights/privileges are revoked. The revocation can be permanent if the person never returns to the church, or temporary if the person does return. I'm pretty sure this is in the CHI. Technically the OP's boyfriend's sealing is intact but he is not allowed access to the blessings of the sealing.

They don't cancel a man's sealings to multiple women because it's assumed these complications will will work out somehow in heaven.

It's foolhearty to marry a man with such strange baggage. Sorry, but if he can't give up worrying about temple sealings, he isn't a good marriage prospect for a sensible nonmormon woman.

My brother and I were sealed to our parents in '59, just after Mom was baptized....whatever...it means nothing to me...I had the privilege of being their son while they were alive and whatever happens to me after I start the "dirt nap" is irrelevant....IMHO the whole sealing/temple marriage deal is just another scam invented by the MORG to subjugate its "sheep" as a means to control them and extract more $$'s....

I don't know that it's true that men are never given sealing cancellations as I was asked by my exhusband's bishop if I would be willing to cancel ours.

But I am wondering about your mention of getting rebaptised. Has he been excommunicated? Does that cancel his sealing?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2012 12:54PM by Devoted Exmo.

Sorry, posted my response in the wrong place. My reply to this post is up a few posts, below my original reply.