Posted by:
Other Than
(
)
Date: January 07, 2012 02:35AM
>Do my desires naturally lend themselves to being abused? I only like these things in bed, not in life. In life I tend to be the dominant partner.
You've answered part of your own question. You like these things in the bedroom, not in life.
BDSM should always be Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
http://www.rcdc.org/articles/tamar-ssc.htmlAbuse is not BDSM. BDSM involves exchanging power with someone you TRUST. An abuser, by definition, is someone you can never trust. Even the most hardcore, 24/7 submissive slave requires trust in their partner. Anything less can lead to abuse, devaluation of the person, and unwanted violence.
As far as liking aspects of BDSM, some of it is hardwired into us already. Power is sexy. Submission is sexy. Sex and fantasy can be dark and erotic. The virginal missionary, lights out vanilla sex just doesn't cut it for most.
BDSM and its associated desires, really isn't the problem. In any relationship, there are things a person will do and not do in and out of the bedroom. If those boundaries aren't adhered to, you have someone that doesn't respect you.
The real trick is learning not to excuse abusive behavior. BDSM can be just another excuse. You'll find similar excuses with vanilla abusers.
Once you recognize an abuser, cut them out of your life. They're broken and can't change, nor is it your job to fix them, sympathize with them, or enable them.
BDSM isn't about being "messed up" or "having a bad childhood". It isn't an excuse for bad or unsafe behavior.