I just read the post about members (older couple as home teachers) once again coming to an exmormons door. And almost everything (at least it seems that way) I've read on this site leads me to believe a lot of you have been "love bombed" a lot by mormons. It's really strange because my 2 kids and me have gotten just the opposite. I'm not complaining,I just think it;s strange they wrote us off so quickly. My kids were going to primary with dh until about May of this year. They had already been shunned by their mormon peers. No call or notes from their teachers saying they were missed etc. And in the past few months dh has been receiving a lot of extra TLC from the ward. The rs called him on his birthday. He gets notes in the mail from members telling him how great he is. Lots of e-mails from members saying "just thinking of you and want you to know I love you" etc. He got one of those yesterday and the guy that sent it-his wife is my visiting teacher. Of course she won't talk to me. And last night a guy from the ward dropped a pie off for dh. He handed it to dd and made sure she knew it was for her dad. There was a note on it also to make sure Bro. R got the pie and enjoyed it. Nothing about R. family. I have not resigned yet. Bishop hasn't spoken to me for 11 months. Rs prez. in over a year. Like I said,I'm not complaining,I just think it's weird. Of course it's very possible dh has had a chat with the bishop and that went to one of their meetings where all the talking heads were there and given a "by all means DON'T contact M". Anyone else had a reverse love bombing?

Shunning and fellowshipping are two sides of the same coin. It's how mormons use social manipulation in an attempt to control people.

They tend to fellowship anyone they want to draw in and shun anyone they think needs to be punished or who they feel might relent and come back because they miss and need mormon support.

They absolutely do favor the family members who stay in the church and demonize those who leave.

So I think they're making a show of support to exhubby for staying. And they're possibly shunning you as punishment for leaving or withholding support and fellowship in hopes you'll come crawling back and ask for the love and friendship you might be missing.

Sick, isn't it? I can't imagine someone could get solace from trying to please these people who have no concept of unconditional love or friendship.

...they never really liked you in the first place, that they were just doing the good Mormon thing of pretending to like you out of obligation, but they did actually like your husband.

Sounds like DH has really done his footwork with them.

If your roles were reversed they'd be lovebombing you and your husband would be writing this post.

Speaking of weird behaviour-

In our case it was the opposite- I tried to keep the chruch true and never told anyone except the Bishop. After nine months, I told my wife. She immediately resigned her calling and we all stopped going. However, I still kept at my calling for another month or so as it could be done on weekdays...cuz I was duty bound, and I really needed the church...

Nobody except the Bishop has ever tried to contact me in over two years. But a couple of the women still keep trying to contact her, no matter how often she says no thanks.

Why? Because I was the one who led my family out of the church.
That makes them worth saving, but not me.

If they view you as a doctrinal threat to other members, they will be instructed to stay away from you. I mean, if you have had frank and convincing conversations with the bishop and others about why you don't believe, they won't want others contacting you because you're a threat. The word might have been put out.

I'll just say, "What Cheryl said," because her thoughts pretty much echoed mine.

I am not sure of your situation but do you think they prefer he divorce you since you are inactive - or guilt you into coming back. I am sure THAT won't work. Mormons are rude. Very rude. They dislike anyone who believes differently than they do.

Next time someone comes by and makes pointed comments, please hand them back the gift and tell them you can't accept gifts from people who are so passive-aggressive and rude. Wow, just wow.

Just wondering if your DH is the type to get attention with "woe is me" my wife doesn't believe? If so, the TBMs will be quick to rally around the poor, faithful husband married to the evil apostate.

As an active member I remember feeling so lonely in the crowd of Mormons. I was in youth leadership meetings listening to the planning of who we would fellowship (lovebomb) and how. And even as I was part of this I felt so lonely and even jealous of the one getting the attention.

At one youth activity we were at planetarium surrounded by all the boys and girls at the activity and I was crying to myself in the darkness because I felt lonely surrounded by everyone. Later I recall crying as I told my dad I did not feel true connection with the kids in the ward, just because they were supposed to be my friends. And how I was frustrated by the natural affinity I had found with other kids at school but could not spend time with them because we were always at church. I was a perfect molly but I never felt like I fit in, I never understood the hive.

I moved out from my parents home right after high school with the intentiom to explore life outside of LDS without being disrespectful to my parents. And I slowly found excuses to go inactive.... a job on Sunday.... too much school.... getting drunk with the leaders in the young adult ward.... a non member boy friend. It took me about 3 years to go inactive all together. And by that time I wanted no phoney atention and was glad I was not getting it. It was easy to drop out in my early 20s. I found more solid reality and and genuine love outside of the church.

I did not find it difficult to follow Mormon standards. I found it difficult not to be who I am.

This is interesting to me. I am the mom of a convert. Just how did you discuss "how" you would fellowship someone. You or someone else can comment here or start a new thread. For us nevermo parents we really need to understand how our kids were taken away as they were. So in leadership meetings there was a strategy for each person fellowshipped??? Thanks.

They literally ignored me when my brother died from cancer he got in "Iraq round 2", and not one of those bastard asses even called or came by the house to check on me, did I mention my brother was a semi-inactive Catholic? Also, when my "inactive to all religions" dad died 3 years later to the same month as my db, the same thing happened again. I found out about my dad dying while I was at work and my boss who was also a TBM said to me "I think you should work today." I could NOT believe that! I yelled at him and told him he should have some compassion, and he said he thought it would help me to work and not think about my dad...I went home anyway, and this was the final straw for me...I started planning my exit strategy then at that moment...moved out of state 5 months later, and I am sooo much happier now that I am back in Babylon..You are not alone in being ignored and "snubbed". I was never "love bombed" though.

You guys sure know your mormons.It now (after reading your comments) appears they are definately "punishing" me for leaving their precious ward. They will show me how much better life would be if I only could find my back to the fold. But why the kids too? I'd think they would be a little more careful with them as they are only 7 and 10. And BINGO Cludgie. About a year ago the bishop and I sent a few long (mine were long) e-mails back and forth. I asked him direct questions. Nothing mormon-all from the Bible. I quoted lots of scriptures to him from Matt thru John. It's very clear in there that all you need to do to be saved is accept Jesus as your Savior. That God could care less what you wear or eat or where you go to church. I was very proud of myself because I used no "anti" stuff at all. He refused to address any of my questions-did not reference any of my scriptures. He said I gave him to many scriptures and he didn't have time. So,how about one then bishop, I asked him. He said to just set up a meeting with him. Yeah right. Never heard from him again. Stray Mutt-I don't think they ever did like me much. I really never felt a part of the ward. And as far as bishop etc. thinking dh should divorce me....I don't know. Wish I did. Would love to climb into his (bishops) young,inexperienced,judgemental,self righteous brain. And Vhaynia-I wanted so badly to put the pie in the guys face. What a turkey. And talk about rude. Cademon-Yes,dh is VERY much the type to say woe is me. He does it all the time. Orangecat-it's unbelievable to think you were treated the way you were with the deaths of both your brother and dad. I'm sorry that happened. Just consider the source. And these are NOT judgemental people?? And they consider the family the most important thing?? What a crock and what a bunch of hypocrits. Thanks for all your responses. I knew you would get it and give me good advice and reponses.

was that when I left the church I had only two conversations with the bishop. The first was to tell him in general terms not to call me to any position because I was soon going to submit my resignation papers. He promptly called me to be the Sunday school president. So the glove had been tossed, and I printed off my 21-page letter of reasons (no, not a rambling 21-page letter, either), and set up a meeting between him and my wife and gave them both a copy and stated a few succinct reasons. DW cried a bit, bishop was gobsmacked. But then DW got back to me and said that the letter really laid it out and tied things up and she'd challenge me no more. The bishop thereafter would not speak to me, and neither would anyone else. I really think they had been instructed to cease contact. DW gets home taught at church, and wants me gone when VT or anyone else comes over. When I see a member in the aisle of Fred Meyer, they wheel about with their shopping trolley and disappear.

I have been out of the morg for 2+years and believe it or not have just satarted being love bombed,had a neighbour who is active come over,on the pretext of a community activity,then a member of the bishpric phones tonight at 9 and is on the line for 40 mins,said he had been speaking to a friend of mine,who is active and saying how much I am missed,was polite but unresponsive to it all,not worried about it just curios,have I become a project,or could it be that an old friend,who is active,husband died yesterday and they see this as an opportunity to SAVE me from myself.

The ward I was in in college could not have possibly cared less when I left. They didn't care at all when I was there either. My final thought I had when I left was: "It does not matter to these people if I am here or not here." And it was true. I never heard from a single soul after I departed. That's the thanks I got for trying for 8 years to live their impossible standards. Why did they act this way? I was 21, had not gone on a mission and not gone to BYU.

They did track me down 10 years later on the other side of the country... where their primary concern was to get me off their roles.

Oh and the Bishop and Stake president showed up at my door at 9 o'clock at night wanted me to sign my resignation letter.

I was furious and very unkind to them.

The "love bombing," or fake-fellowshipping, comes first, when you first become inactive. Mormons do this to try to keep the member from leaving. Obviously, they are afraid your husband will follow you out of the cult.

The "shunning" happens after you resign.

But in between the two, is the "HARRASSMENT." Men would come to my door in groups of two and three, usually after 9:00 at night. Often, these were strangers I'd never met. I have a peephole, and would ask them what they wanted, and they would say they were from "The Stake" or they were missionaries, or from "The Singles Ward" for my kids. I would shout through the door, "I don't know you, and I'm not going to open the door. Goodbye."

Some neighbors came by to invite me to the special class for "investigators and inactives" called "Gospel Principles." I let them in, because I thought they were our friends. In front of my children, they said I needed to study more. I told them that I had graduated from Seminary, had attended the required religion classes at BYU, and had taught Sunday school for many years, had read the BOM 5 times, and did not want to study the same stuff over and over again. They said there was a woman in the class, that I would have a lot in common with. She was the daughter of another neighbor, who had run away from home, gotten pregnant, married and divorced, had lost custody of her children, gotten on drugs, lived on the streets, had been in jail for selling drugs, but now had started going to church again. My son said, "You're saying my mother is like this woman, this street drug dealer? My mother is the most moral, decent, honest person I know! We're done talking with you!" My son, my other kids, and I stood up, and walked to the door, and I opened it. The men left without a word.

That is harrassment!

Mormons gossipping about you is harrassment. Mormons spreading lies to people at your job is harrassment. Mormons stalking your children is harrassment. Mormons teaching your children in Primary that because their parents aren't married in the temple, that their whole family will "pass by each other as strangers in the hereafter" and will not be a "forever family" is harrassment. Telling Primary children that if they don't obey, that they will burn in the Second Coming is harrassment. Taking sides with your husband against you, is harrassment. Interfering in your marriage and family life is harrassment. Interrogating you about your sex life and your underwear is harrassment.

Breaking into my house when I was at church playing the music, and dragging my boys out of bed and onto the floor, forcing them to dress without a shower or combing their hair, literally butt-kicking them down the stairs and into a van, and forcing them to sit in priesthood and Sunday school meetings, while being ridiculed for their bed-head, rumpled appearance--that is certainly not "love-bombing." It is harrassment, plain and simple--and tresspassing, as well.

Yes, these are all manipulative techniques used to control you and/or punish you.

Typical cult tactics.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this, Loveskids. I've been there, and could not have gotten through it without RFM. The kids and I are being shunned now, and I'm actually getting to like it. The Mormons can't hurt my career or income or marriage, so I can relax more than you can. Sometimes, I miss having friends in my neighborhood--but I have non-Mormon friends a few blocks away, work friends, old high school and college friends, single friends, cousins, etc. You need to concentrate on your TRUE friends, so you don't feel so "outnumbered." Know what I mean?