At Chelmsford First Parish Unitarian Universalist church, where I am a member, we distribute prayer shawls to members of our congregation who are healing from one thing or another. Various members knit these simple shawls and on some Sundays we all bless them. The minister, Rev. Ellen, places the shawls in a basket and the whole congretation joins hands as some people put their hands on the shawl.

Ellen says a simple prayer about wellness and knowing you are loved and everyone says "amen" or "namaste" or "blessed be" or remains quiet. Some may think they have truly sent healing energy into the fabric, others think it is a truly kind gesture. Others sort of put up with it as one of the quirks in the life of our religious community.

Last Sunday, Rev. Elln brought a prayer shawl to me as I am recovering from a kidney donation. It was nice to have her visit and to have her run interference with our service committee that really wanted to do meals and cookies and stuff, but would have crashed into our friends and neighbors doing the same (the kidney recipient is a friend in the neighborhood so everyone wants to be on board with getting us both well!)

I felt no particular energy from the shawl, I may have even been one of the ones blessing it - or they may have done this one specifically for me I don't know. What I did feel was a reminder that I am connected to the outside world and as soon as I am up for it there are people to connect with and serve if I so choose. (Indeed the 7th and 8th graders moved their snow tubing party so I can be past the 6 week mark next month and still chaperone. They will not let me on the tubes however!)

This sense of connectedness is what I was seeking when I joined the mormons as a teenager many decades ago. Sometimes it WAS present. When I turned 25 and my visiting teachers brought a cake and sincere good wishes on my birthday and it was EXACTLY what I needed. When the bishop came over to the house to help bless a baby on Thanksgiving day because that was the time the most family members could be present.

My liberal TBM friends who remain in seem to really try to make these kinds of gestures and to rise above the petty sin sniffing and rule monitoring. I guess I wish them well, I hope they don't exhaust themselves.

This sounds like a really cool, good idea.

Sounds like you have a wonderful community there.

I've been thinking about joining UU to find a community for myself and my mother, as we are pretty much shunned from the extended family. However, we're not very outgoing people so I'm not sure we'll find what we are looking for anywhere.

Best wishes in your continued recovery, btw!

I've heard about this prayer shawl thing before.

The idea of the prayer shawl, the unity it invokes, the connection it represents -- all are very beautiful. And I love how it is okay for what it respresents to vary person to person. How lovely to be able to bring who you are and what other are together without losing the identies - and it becomes stronger for it.

Thank you for sharing this, and I wish you a very swift and uneventful recovery and also for your friend.

I remember bringing meals to families in Utah. It was pretty fun. Once I had my beehive girls all come to my house and we made a meal for a family of 8.

The same sort of thing happenned in small town Illinois where we lived. No church in common, just neighbors who kept an eye out and got to know one another.

When youngest son was about 4 and we were still in Illinois, a neighbor stopped by out of the blue and said, "youngest is ready to start on a two wheeler with training wheels. I was at Joe's yard sale and they had one and I thought I'd seen youngest in the street on a big wheel with the other kids trying 2 wheelers, so here's one for him." And he handed us a bike from the yard sale.

Here in Massachusetts, our neighborhood spread the word about the kidney thing and people have been calling me out of the blue to say thanks. My massage therapist said, when I came in for treatment of some running injuries, that there is no charge for post surgical massage for kidney donors!

I am starting to feel like second son who is in the Air Force and tries to avoid going into coffee shops in uniform because no one will let him buy his own coffee and he feels embarrassed.

People - ya gotta love 'em!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/14/2012 09:25PM by msmom.

I know it's hard sometime to let people give you stuff, but kudos for taking their well wishing well. It's a great thing you did, and people just want to say thanks.

and ain't it cool to have people want to give you things without expecting you to go to their church?

Eventually ( or so they tell me ) I will be needing a transplant.

My neighbor was ill for a year before he finally explained what was wrong. A couple of us were tested and I was a match.

I know it is really hard to say, "I need a donor." My neighbor never actually said this. I knew that his kidneys were failing and so I asked his wife if there was someone on his medical team I could talk to. There is an entire donor advocacy group associated with the hospital that had been treating him. He had to be on dialysis for almost 6 months, maybe longer - it would be great if you could avoid that.

Good luck!

But then that's the "noble" me talking. It really is amazing to be able to actually give life, wow! My friend is all pink instead of grey and he complains of having to get up in the night to pee (extremely good news!) His creatinine levels are down to 1.7 (lower is better - 10 means dialysis or death).

Then there's the whining crybaby me who says, "It's been almost 2 weeks and I still need tylenol and I want to just have this behind me and be all better and I don't want to be scared, and, and, and...."

And then I get myself worked up and call the donor advocate center and review my symptoms (and the fact that I can already do 2+ mile walks and work out on the elliptical) and they are sympathetic and review everything else about me and they point out that they gave me a rather large supply of oxycodone and why don't I take that because the pain is normal and I am doing extremely well.

My real complaint is that I went for a 5 mile run right before surgery and although I am medically cleared for running I don't quite have the energy and the impact hurts my insides. And I know I should 100% NOT COMPLAIN, but sometimes it feels good!

So - thanks for listening.

I wish you and your friend a speedy recovery! Let others come to your aid and be of service to you. They want to help. Take good care, Big Hugs from this Mex Mom!

Our church, Methodist, gives away prayer shawls too. The women who can make them keep a good supply. We give them for various reasons. I think it is a good idea to do this. Just holding it would make the person think of people who care.

But my hat is off to you for giving such a generous gift. That's huge. It says a lot about you. Heal well!

First of all, best wishes for your recovery. It's amazing that a neighbor would be a match for a needed kidney and you'd be willing to let one of yours go to someone who needed it. Not everyone can or will do that even if they are a match.

I'm struck by something you said about connectedness... - it's at the core of the familial and social elements of religion in general. Whether it's a healing shawl, a teddy bear, cookies, a dinner, running errands, cleaning, doing dishes, it's all part of how we give service to others. There is a scripture about losing ourselves in the service of others that I can't recall at the moment. It's one of those universal teachings that I like.

If someone wants to stop by and check on me, bring me goodies, or a plant,or offer help from the LDS Church, or any other church, I understand what that means to be on the giving end and the receiving end. I believe it's my responsibility to be gracious when people are giving.

As soon as I knew what was wrong with my friend I had a feeling I was going to donate a kidney. And after I learned about the donation process I was frankly very scared.

It takes less to be a match these days because the anti-rejections meds have improved dramatically since days of old. So has donor surgery - it is laproscopic through the abdomen instead of open through the back and removing a rib to get at the kidney.

Still - it is a major abdomenal piece of work. Two openings for instruments and a third to pull out the kidney.

Before surgery the donor advocates do everything they can to provide education. And there are three psychiatric visits because, let's face it "ARE YOU CRAZY?" is the first thought that comes to mind.

Once I was reconciled to doing this then I thought well gee, maybe I should find a younger person who needs a kidney, my recipient is 5 years older than me. Our two youngest sons grew up in one another's houses and families so in that respect he is like a brother. (And now I guess we have genetic material in common!)

And my heart said this, "Here is a need right in front of your face. Your neighbor, who you know and love, who helped raise your children and welcomes your grandchildren (the summer Drdad and I had the grandkids for three months, these neighbors helped with child care and told us to please use their pool whenever - the kids adore them like an extra aunt and uncle). This guy is in need. Your work schedule is light, drdad, your mom, and youngest son are around as care givers, his family, for a variety of reasons, are unable to do this, if you honor the light of life in all of us then this is something you can do."

My heart never insisted that I HAD to do this. Nor did anyone else. I could not have done this for a stranger, although I know people who do. Indeed, if I had not been a match I had the option of an anonymous donation which would bump my neighbor's status on the waiting list or create a network in which he could end up with an anonymous donor. But I couldn't even do that. I said if I am a match he can have a kidney, if I am not I can't do it.

This afternoon, neighbor's youngest son baked his signature chocolate cake. The one his father has been unable to eat for a year because of the diet required by his failing kidneys and later by dialysis. We went over there and all enjoyed cake and milk together. Neighbor and I toasted our forks, "to good renal health!"

And I keep saying profound thank yous to the many people who offer kindness at this time.

It was a very unselfish gift. Plus you are paying a price by having your strength temporarily compromised. You did expose yourself to some risk.

Truly noble, mrsmom! Heal well.

It is from an anti-bullying website to celebrate acts of kindness:

http://sequinofkindness.org/2012/01/18/sequin-of-life-kindness-hall-of-fame-inductee-maura-snow/

You deserve a Sequin Of Kindness! I'm glad they made you an inductee. Thanks for sharing that too.