Recovery Board
: RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
I think im gonna do it some day. It might go something like this...
Im so thankful to be able to be here today with you brothers and sisters. Im grateful to be able to be born to live in this day, where I am a chosen generation, proven to be of greater worth than previous generations while I was in the pre existence. Im grateful that I was born with a white and delightful skin color because of my valiance against the war with satan. Im grateful that I have heterosexual tendencies so the lord will allow me to marry my spouse and raise a family because those with homosexual tendencies truly are evil. Im grateful to be male, so i can hold the priesthood and govern over my future wife, and with enough prayer i hope she submits to me in everything.
In jesus name Amen.
Im so thankful to be able to be here today with you brothers and sisters. Im grateful to be able to be born to live in this day, where I am a chosen generation, proven to be of greater worth than previous generations while I was in the pre existence. Im grateful that I was born with a white and delightful skin color because of my valiance against the war with satan. Im grateful that I have heterosexual tendencies so the lord will allow me to marry my spouse and raise a family because those with homosexual tendencies truly are evil. Im grateful to be male, so i can hold the priesthood and govern over my future wife, and with enough prayer i hope she submits to me in everything.
In jesus name Amen.
I have a testimony of eternal marriage. I know that when two people love eachother very much, the natural reaction is to want to be together for eternity. Like Helen Mar and Joseph, I know they must have loved eachother very much and it warms my heart to know that they were sealed in the temple.
Things may have changed since the last time was at F & T, but if that was said in 1986 no one would have batted an eye...
I swear I have actually heard that testimony :/
I'm so grateful to the Masons for creating what we know as the temple ceremony. Without them we wouldn't know what to do or wear to get to the celestial kingdom.
I am so grateful for the eternal principal of polygamy. I can't wait for hubby and I to die so we'll know who our sister wives are going to be, and I can get right back to having babies again. This time for eternity!
I'm so grateful for the knowledge we have of eternal families. Even though I will lose my children I have here. I will be provided a way to replace them. And I'll be able to live forever together with my abusive narcissistic parents and grandparents.
I'm so grateful that they found the papyrus that the BOA was translated from. Even though they don't say a single thing that the BoA does, I know they are true. I plan to study and pray about those funeral texts so I can have a better understanding of them.
Most of all I am grateful that my parents saw to it I was denied an education and career. Living in poverty for36 years was everything you can imagine it would be. Because of that I have no retirement funds or benefits as I head toward my senior years. I'm sure that will also be a blessing to me, as any extra money I did have I gave in tithing so the church could continue to build beautiful over the top buildings all over the world.
I am grateful for our leadership and their inspired direction. Only wearing one pair of earrings, no flip flops, and long underwear has separated me from the chaff of the earth. Constantly meeting their challenge to read BOM has kept me home, and prevented me from having time to read anything else that may broaden and expand my mind. We all know that showing an intellectual streak is a threat to the church, and I certainly wouldn't want them to feel threatened.
I am so thankful for all of the blessings I have been given by PH. Even though not one of them has ever come to fruition.I am sure this must somehow be a flaw in my character. Maybe I need to pray and read the BoM more.
And last but not least, I am grateful for tithing and food storage. I have had to pay intense attention to the lessons on provident living that they repeatedly give in RS. I made my children's clothing, only to find it would have been cheaper to go buy ready made. I stored incredible amounts of wheat, only to find I am allergic. Both of these things have blessed me in that I have learned what a sin it is to be wasteful.
I say these things even in the name of our Lord and Saviour, the only begotten, our elder brother,even Elohim himself, jesus christ. Amen
I am so grateful for the eternal principal of polygamy. I can't wait for hubby and I to die so we'll know who our sister wives are going to be, and I can get right back to having babies again. This time for eternity!
I'm so grateful for the knowledge we have of eternal families. Even though I will lose my children I have here. I will be provided a way to replace them. And I'll be able to live forever together with my abusive narcissistic parents and grandparents.
I'm so grateful that they found the papyrus that the BOA was translated from. Even though they don't say a single thing that the BoA does, I know they are true. I plan to study and pray about those funeral texts so I can have a better understanding of them.
Most of all I am grateful that my parents saw to it I was denied an education and career. Living in poverty for36 years was everything you can imagine it would be. Because of that I have no retirement funds or benefits as I head toward my senior years. I'm sure that will also be a blessing to me, as any extra money I did have I gave in tithing so the church could continue to build beautiful over the top buildings all over the world.
I am grateful for our leadership and their inspired direction. Only wearing one pair of earrings, no flip flops, and long underwear has separated me from the chaff of the earth. Constantly meeting their challenge to read BOM has kept me home, and prevented me from having time to read anything else that may broaden and expand my mind. We all know that showing an intellectual streak is a threat to the church, and I certainly wouldn't want them to feel threatened.
I am so thankful for all of the blessings I have been given by PH. Even though not one of them has ever come to fruition.I am sure this must somehow be a flaw in my character. Maybe I need to pray and read the BoM more.
And last but not least, I am grateful for tithing and food storage. I have had to pay intense attention to the lessons on provident living that they repeatedly give in RS. I made my children's clothing, only to find it would have been cheaper to go buy ready made. I stored incredible amounts of wheat, only to find I am allergic. Both of these things have blessed me in that I have learned what a sin it is to be wasteful.
I say these things even in the name of our Lord and Saviour, the only begotten, our elder brother,even Elohim himself, jesus christ. Amen
BRAVO!!!!! Standing ovation. Nailed it.....artfully.
When it comes to the question of in whose name you bear witness, you should probably seek instruction from your priesthood leader regarding the ordering of the Mormon Pantheon. Adam / Michael / God / El / Eloheim / Jephova / Sophia / Jesus and their close friends, the "Christ" family. It's all too confusing for most of us. And what about Ra, Isis, Amon, Amun and Mithra. Just too many godlings to keep track of.
I bet some people wouldn't know it was satire! They would probably come and congratulate you for your 'brave' testimony. =)
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