19 1/2!!!! And had a baby a little over a year later. Wow that's crazy isn't it? Thank goodness I got lucky and, regardless of Mormonism being garbage, I married my soulmate. It's been some rough times, considered leaving, and have felt our marriage falling apart this past little while but...we are holding on tight and I have very high hopes that we will make it. We had no business getting married that young, however. What do you expect when Young Women activities were going to a bridal shop to try on freakin wedding dresses at 16!!!!!!!!!
After we got married, the Young Women's leaders made me come back and wear my wedding dress for some YW fireside. Look girls, don't you want to get married in the temple at 19 too? It's SOOOOO amazing!!
Most of my friends married at around 33. Your TBM family are giving you bad advice. Please don't listen to them. When you're ready to get married, you'll know it. (And you might even have someone in mind!)
I am currently 33 and single (never married.) Thanks for giving me hope, as I somehow believe my life has passed me by and there's nothing left to do but curl up in a ball and die.
lily Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Makurosu, > > I am currently 33 and single (never married.) > Thanks for giving me hope, as I somehow believe my > life has passed me by and there's nothing left to > do but curl up in a ball and die.
OMG! Please don't believe that! I am sure that you are a lovely person. Concentrate on your job, your education, what you contribute to your family and friends! If you want marriage to happen, it will happen at the right time. The key to a solid relationship with another person is to believe in yourself. :)
As far as the OP goes...I am 47 now. I was married when I was 22. My husband and I had the typical "Saturday's Warrior" BYU story. We met as Freshmen at BYU. He went on his mission. I wrote to him while he was gone. I ended up getting engaged to someone else before he came home, but didn't write him about it because I didn't want to upset his mission experience. When he came home, I called him and talked with him. I ended up breaking off my engagement, and marrying him after spending more time with him when he came home! LOL
We have been married for 25 years...not without the up and down struggles of marriage..but I do consider myself very blessed. We have 3 great kids, and a very comfortable life.
As far as whether or not you should consider yourself an old maid? Absolutely not! My daughter is 23. She had a lot of the same feelings that you had...not because we contributed to her feeling that way...just from "Mormon pressure", in general. I have always encouraged her to take her time. When she meets the right person, she will know it. She just started dating a really great young man. He is actually 3 years younger than she is, but very mature, and treats her really well. He is not a member of the Church, but if they do end up getting married, I will be very happy for both of them. As far as I'm concerned, he would make a fantastic son-in-law.
My best "motherly" advice is to concentrate on school, or your job, and do the best you can with that. Don't worry about marriage. It will happen when the time is right.
Don't listen to TBM family members. It's not their life -- it's yours. They don't have any stake in it. They're just desperate to surround themselves with people who are just like them.
Seriously. My husband was 17. Went through the temple on our first anniversary at 16 (blown away by the bizarreness). Had my first child when I was 16, second at 17 third at 18 and my last when I was 23.
Similarly my mom had me and my brothers at 15,17,18, and 20. It seems really strange to have kids so young. But there is a bright side.
My mom is still young beautiful and vibrant and I, the youngest am 38.
Also when we were dirt poor, my 3 brothers and I all worked and paid the bills. The biggest benefit is my moms relationship with her grand kids ages 21-9.
It has it's advantages and disadvantages. I got the child rearing out of the way and then got training for work in the dental field. Later I studied architecture and now am a jeweler. The children all got advanced degrees and are doing very well as exmo's. They all waited (some still waiting) to marry and have kids.
I always prided myself on being 20 when I got married--I was an old maid!!! We actually dated for a year before, engaged for 6 months cause we were naughty.
Now divorced because he is gay. That year of dating didn't tell me that. So much pressure to get married!
My bf daughter is now 19 and in her 2nd year of college, and still not engaged-oh no! I hope she makes it for another year or two at least.
So sad though. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Crazy though, growing up together.
21, dh was 25..way to young, would still date and be together but wait if I had to do it over again..wish I had finished school. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready, don't marry because of family pressure..it is your life you decide.
Please PLEASE do NOT get caught up in thinking you should already be married. Yes it's normal in morg culture for teenagers to marry, and yes, I did it and was successful...however, we sacrificed so much of who we were and who we potentially could have been by getting married WAY too young. I tell every young woman to FINISH SCHOOL first. it will make you a better wife and mother and give you a better perspective. You'll know yourself better and not be as likely to fall for the first "righteous" guy you meet.
That said, I understand the pressure you feel. I hear the little comments that are made about my 29 yr-old RM bro-in-law. His TBM parents can't fathom why he isn't married yet, and they're constantly asking about his dating life, etc.
29, and it was a huge mistake. I was feeling so guilty about sleeping with my girlfriend outside of marriage, after a lifetime of virginity, that I pressured her into marrying me. Only good thing that came out of it is my wonderful little son.
I was 26. DW was 20. We've been married almost 27 years. Our son is 24, single and chose a different path. He has lived with his girlfriend for about a year. DW and I love her dearly.
21, 2 month shy of being 22. He was 24, I think?!?
The funny thing is, he and I did all the "right" stuff- We were friends first, dated for a year, moved in together, got engaged, and then married. It lasted a little over a year. Unfortunately, 11 years later, I'm still legally married to him (long story.)
Anyway, I was too young, too immature, and didn't have enough life experience to settle down with one person. He wanted me to basically be his mother and take care of every little domestic thing so he could game. I needed to get a lot of pent up rebellion out of my system before I could settle down, so I walked away.
28. I was just getting things really rolling in my own life after feeling on-the-run for so long.
Then getting married, my husband already owned property, got me a good job in his company... I can't believe how things have shaped up for me after feeling like a fugitive for so long.
I have four sons, one is defacto married with 2 children. Of my five girls, who are all gorgeous, two are single at 34 and 33. One is actively looking to get married, the other had her biological clock broken by becoming a nanny.
If you are wondering how to meet men, let me give you a tip:
Go to the hardware store on Saturday morning--early. It is full of single men buying supplies for weekend projects. This is because the married men are having horizontal recreation. These are men with jobs which are not in construction (those are there on weekdays). They are homeowners. Not a bad filter for a gal looking for a solid guy.
Walk down the aisles until you see someone that rings your bell. Ask them for help finding XYZ in the department they are looking in. If they are looking at paint, decide on the spot to repaint your bathroom. You get the idea. The hardest part for women is starting a conversation--the hardware store gives you plenty of material to work with. Practice until you don't feel so awkward and can be "charming".
Do the same thing at the tire store and the auto dealership for your type of car. Only at these places, don't stay if there's nobody attractive in the waiting room. You can "make the rounds" on a Saturday morning, hitting Big O, Ace Hardware, Lowe's and Home Depot, then settle down at Starbucks with a good book - sci fi if you can stomach it, or a John Grisham novel, something a man could comment about.
Do NOT wear high heels in a hardware store, BTW. Wear tight jeans and a not-too-tight top, which is not low cut. This probably goes without saying, but just in case.
If you are a more cerebral type, the bookstore is the best loitering place in the world. You go there because men with jobs buy books, intelligent men read, and single men to go bookstores to "get out of the house." Married men buy online and unemployed men go to the library.
@ 25 still young peeps but wanted it anyway in other to explore my naughty side that wa held by religious beliefs.You've all said it all.Marriage would happen when the time comes no rush.Never too old to marry.Wink,wink,wink.Cheers!!!!
It was a catastrophe and we divorced after 3 years. It doesn't matter whether you are young or old when you marry. I think those who are happy after many years of marriage are incredibly LUCKY. Go with your gut, that's all I can say.
just shy of 25 my siblings were all 24-25 as well so I think there are more and more TBMs who also wait longer to get married (the national average for women is 25 and 27 for men)
Being single has been a LOT more fun and fulfilling than my married life was. I don't regret my marriage because my kids are great, but I would not recommend to anyone getting married that young. I think mid-twenties to mid-thirties is ideal.
I felt a lot of pressure about getting married. I held it off for a while-- I was the last of my friends to get married and it was freaking dh's parents out that we had dated for so "long" (3 years). The thing is, I wasn't brought up in Utah and my dad was a convert, so the idea of early marriage was embarrassing. Where I come from, women usually get married between 25 and 30. Usually, the women who marry at 30 are more successful and respected-- and they always have better weddings! When people get married young where I'm from, it involves an unplanned pregnancy.
So I guess I compromised. I got married two years before I wanted to, but two years after my in-laws first started stressing out about it.