The basics: I lost my ex, of several years ago, to my own foolishness...aka, my conversion to the "Church" (hahahaha, like this crazy, torturous, soul-sucking cult is a "church"). Stopped talking to him. Basically was a total jerk. Since then, and obviously since I left said soul-sucking cult, we've exchanged apologies and a lot of small talky "what's up?" type things/semi-thorough updates on our lives every month or so.

Well, I miss him. I don't want to just jump into some relationship, I don't really know anything about his personal life except that we've both had a couple of relationships since then, and I'd really like to just be good friends with him at first, if it ever does become romantic. But I do want to be honest that I think about him. Keep in mind that we were super close, so we're used to talking pretty casually and openly with each other.

Young guys, especially, but everybody really: Is this totally creepy and should I just shut up and not talk to him, or is this acceptable?

Please, please don’t think I’m a weirdo. I’m really not! (Well, I guess that’s debatable—but I’m definitely not trying to be creepy.)

I’ve never done anything like this, and I guess I’m not sure exactly what to say. It’s been a really rough few years for me, emotionally, spiritually, with my family and everything else. Some of it started in high school—and I was going through a lot of it when I basically fell off the face of the earth senior year, and pushed away the person/people who cared about me most.

I’ve gotten through it, and managed to do pretty well externally, but on the inside? It’s been hard. And randomly, the other day, I was thinking about you and the thought suddenly popped up in my head, “I wish _____ had been there to talk to through all this.” Weird, I know, since we haven’t *really* talked, like we used to talk, in years, since we were much younger. But the thought was there. And then I remembered how we had shared so much with each other, and what a sweet and giving and compassionate man you’d been to me, even when you were just a kid, and even though I was super difficult, which I know was, um, not rarely. You are a very awesome person, and you blessed me a lot.

So what’s the point of my rambling? I guess I’m not really sure. You might be totally creeped out by this because you’re a totally different person now and haven’t thought about me even one time in years, or you might have a girlfriend and be weirded out because you think I’m hitting on you. You might think this is kind of nice and forget about it tomorrow. But I guess I just wanted to let you know that you were really important to me. We dated when we (ok, mostly me) were silly kids, and I was super awkward and stone-cold terrified of everything from kissing to confrontation and didn’t have any clue about anything, but we were great friends for a lot longer than that. And, well, I miss you.

Hi, how are you doing? mention common interests and you are out of the cult. Pay attention to his reply.

to the guy who I rejected because he wasn't mormon--28 years after he left--but I went in a round-about way. I wasn't sure he was free--but suspected, so I had "our" old boss call him to just ask how he was (he had done this before over the years--but it was still a stretch--our old boss got a HUGE kick out of it--so no problem). I thought my old boss would handle it better than I could--and he did.

We are still together after 7 years.

I'd take pkdfan2's advice on how to approach it.

I am not young, but...

If the guy is thinking the same as you, and is for it, nothing you say will be wrong.

If he has truly moved on and is not interested, nothing you say will be right.

To be honest, your letter is a little all over the place. Edit it. Keep it simple.

Maybe just this part in a card, "I remember how we shared so much with each other, and what a sweet and giving and compassionate man you'd been to me, even though you were just a kid and even though I was super difficult, which I know I was, um, not rarely."

Think of a good closer and invite him to lunch. And please don't use the word blessing. Ha Ha.

It's a good opener, but you haven't thrown yourself at him. That's enough for the first volley.

Yeah, you're overthinking it. You're approaching it like a girl. You're talking to a guy. Blueorchid hit the nail on the head.

If he remotely thinks you're attractive and you can simply say, "Strange, I know, but I'm out of the Church. Would love to talk", then I think it would happen naturally.

And yes, I'd be creeped/skeeved out by your letter unless you were smoking hot and in a pair of Daisy Dukes at the moment...

Yes, Keep It Simple.

"I miss your face! Wanna grab lunch sometime?"

The end. No need for anything else. You wanna pour your heart out, wait until he accepts a lunch invitation and then make a tentative step toward that conversation. If you come on all "Ohhhh, I still love you SO much and..." He may run screaming from the room.

Men, above all else, HATE pressure. If I could give any young woman advice with regard to men it would be this. Avoid putting pressure on a guy at all costs.

Just think about if the shoe were on the other foot and he approached you. What would be a way to talk to you without making you feel all pressured to get back together so you can hurry up and get married and make a bunch of babies? That is probably not your intent -- you just miss your friend and want to have a conversation with him. So say ONLY that. Miss you, let's have lunch.

And yeah, pay attention to the reply. Pay more attention to what he doesn't say and what he actually DOES (less emphasis on what he SAYS).

""Hey I knew you when I was not Mormon --I lost you when I was Mormon --I am definitely not Mormon any more -- Like to talk to you over lunch"" -- Totallyanon

Go for it....my biggest regrets were due to the things I should have done or said and was too afraid to see through...If he's weirded out or disinterested or unavailable, move on.

This'll get 'em every time:

"How about a nooner?"

Ron

It sounds like you email/chat every so often from your post.

Do NOT do some soul baring letter about how much you miss him and how he's the only one. This is creepy - whether it's a guy or a girl. I've had a couple of guys do this to me, and all it makes me feel is weird because I don't think I could measure up to this sort've idealized version they've got in their head.

Say something like:
Hey, it'd be really great to get together in person sometime. Would you like to do lunch? (or movie, or drinks)

If he says yeah, that'd be great then you know that there might be a possibility left for something more than just friends. Then just go and see what happens. Ask if he's in a relationship. Then you could say something open ended along the lines of you miss hanging out with him and you'd like to spend more time with him.

If that works out, then I'd start just getting together with him. Once you've figured out how you feel about him as he is NOW, and if you've gotten to the point where you're seeing him on a regular basis - then is the time to tell him you want to be more than friends. Or, maybe he'll tell you.