So the Ensign still comes to our house. We must have gotten a multi-year subscription back when we all still went to church. Anyway, flipping through...seriously, gag.

"With Faith in God I'm Never Alone" by Donna Hollenbeck--about a woman feeling lonely post-divorce/kids moving out/retirement, and how being alone was, "the most excruciating obstacle" she'd ever had to overcome. She says, "The constant stillness evoked an uncontrollable stream of tears." How did she overcome this most horrific of trials, folks? Find a job or a place to volunteer or get a hobby? Heck no!! She did what any faithful woman would do. She PRAYED!!! Yep, that's right, and after she "cried to Heavenly Father for what seemed to be hours," she felt "His love piercing [her] soul." Hallelujah! She realizes, she's not alone. Life doesn't have to suck sitting alone at home cuz gawd is there!!! Okay, really, lady??? I'd understand if you were an invalid or bedridden or agoraphobic, but what is keeping you from doing SOMETHING other than pray?!?

Next page: "Finding Harmony as We Struggle to Juggle" by E. Jeffrey Hill--because as he puts it, busy schedules "often leave us feeling tired and worn out" which is bad because then we "have little energy left for service at home or church." Oh no! What should we do about that?? Dump the time-consuming church service? Heavens, no! We PRAY because, duh, "Communicating with our Father in Heaven while at work is an often-overlooked way to increase energy." Of course! Gawd is better than a Red Bull, y'all!

Other fab suggestions from this article:
multi-task--do your scripture study while you commute. That way you'll have a "clear mind" and forget "about frustrating workday experiences" and have time to do those "important things" like "family prayer, family scripture study [and] family home evening" when you get home.

Drop it all on the Lawd--Howard W. Hunter claims if you just focus on "Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong." Of course not. The author points out, "When the primary focus of our life is to become a disciple of Jesus Christ, everything else--employment, home, and church--falls into place." Uh...really?? Because I'm thinking you ought to be making some efforts towards maintaining your own employment and housing. Just sayin. And maybe if you weren't wasting so much time with all the callings and whatnot, you'd have more time for family, career, and personal fulfillment.

Good grief. The next page is an article called "Handling Callings with Criticism"

So basically three articles in a row with church-created problems and EXTREMELY simple solutions. Yet the simple, logical solutions are never given. The answers presented are the ones that keep people mired in busywork, constantly running on that hamster wheel in pursuit of that ever-elusive perfection. Sad.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2012 08:41PM by nowI'mfound.

I'm sure I'll find equally gaggy articles in next month's Ensign ;)

It doesn't sound like you got a multiyear subscription. It sounds like a TBM is purchasing a subscription for you. They can do that, and instead of the church giving a free subscription to apostates who they think might be coerced into returning, they guilt your friends and family into paying for it.

My mother used to sub for me until I told my sister it went straight into the trash. I think word must have gotten back because it quit a few months later.

Thanks for the summary and analysis. It's nice to know what family members are imbibing from that church rag without myself having to shred my mind reading it. Better you than me, but then you must be in a psychologically sounder place than I am viz. the church to be able to do it.

Nothing can ever go permanently go wrong??Seriously? They have some explaining to do. I've seen a lot go permanently wrong with lot of TBM's. That's the way they lay the guilt on. A irreparable relationship, illness,financial losses, death, etc. It's because you're not righteous enough, otherwise it would be fixable. What they never say, is how righteous does one have to be? perfect? Where is the line so you never have to suffer? There isn't one. Plenty of things will happen that are unfixable, I don't care how righteous you are.

DH made the exact same comment. I guarantee you a TBM would say, "Nothing's permanent. It will be fixed in the next life." Uh....yeah...that doesn't make me feel any better. What a stupid thing for a prophet to say. There are plenty of things that are tragically life-altering, and just because TSCC claims they'll be rectified when I DIE, doesn't make them any less "permanent" in this life.

Actually, I think God is better than a Red Bull but only because if God were in the room, he'd probably tell people to man up and just drink the damn coffee instead of sneaking around trying to break the Word of Wisdom without getting in trouble for it. And God probably knows Joseph Smith was a skirt chasing slut who gave bad advice, health-wise. Plus, Red Bull is yak.

Now whether or not God is better than coffee...that's a close race.