I thought my divorce would be final by now. I have had some very serious health issues so things did not go as planned. I just got out of the hospital after taking a bad fall. I broke 3 ribs and ruptured my spleen. I am miserable. So the almost ex brings me the divorce papers for me to sign when I was in the Trauma ICU. I was barely functioning.Then the day I get home,he texts me that he will be over to get the papers and I better have them ready. He threatens me many times daily,tells me he is coming over to get them and I better hand them over. He said he and his attorney are making changes to the support etc.and I better be careful. Found out today he has a girlfriend. I guess he is anxious to take her to the temple.

My question. Why the hell the hurry? He said it had to be done tomorrow. I am afraid he wants me to hurry and sign to keep myself or our 2 minor children from getting something monetary. He has me so paranoid. Is there any reason for me to be suspecious,or does he just want to get things done so he can remarry? He is a really nasty,lying,selfish person,so I would put nothing past him. But,under the curcumstances,I am probably just being paranoid. This is a terrible time for my 2 youngest and myself. I can't comprehend his selfishness.
Any advice would help. Thanks.

Oh my goodness. I am by no means a divorce attorney (do you have one by the way)? I wouldn't sign ANYTHING while you are not feeling well. He has no right to do this to you. It does NOT need to be done on his timetable. Get a lawyer or at least a family member or friend who has their wits about them to act as a buffer for you until you are feeling better!

God bless.

Especially not if he said they made changes to it.

And if he threatens you call the police.

You are not being paranoid.
He knows your not feeling well, and is trying to take advantage of it.
He has no right to tell you what to do and when.
He wants it done his way, not to you or his children's advantage.
Never hurry through something that can affect you for years.
The judge gets to decide how this is going to go, not your ex-husband.

Let me just say, I'm sorry for the pain you are in. I've cracked my ribs and it was excruciating, so I can't imagine how bad you must be feeling right now.


If your soon to be ex comes back, tell him where he can stick those divorce papers right now. He's taking advantage of your situation.

Thank you for your responses. I just needed to know I wasn't crazy and I did have the option to wait till I was better.
He left another voice mail. Said he would be over tomorrow for the papers and I better do what he says. He had visitation with the kids today from 11:00-7. He took them out for awhile then came back to the apt. I was trying to rest,and when I came out of my room around 4:00,he was laying on my couch watching tv. The kids had gone to play with friends. He wouldn't leave till 7:30-when the kids came home. He can see how much pain I am in,and how stressfull it is for me to see him lying on my couch. 10 min. after her left he text me and told me he was coming back to get the papers. I had better have them ready. And the next 2 hours he text me and threatened me.


I told him my pain level was an 8 and I looked and felt like hell.Even with my 8 and 11 year old here,he shows no signs of concern for any of us. He really does scare me. I am so helpless right now.3 of our adult children have been shocked by his behavior,and have read some of the texts he has sent me. These are 3 of our kids that were barely speaking to me 2 weeks ago. They are seeing the side of their dad he has tried to keep hidden from them.

I wonder if you can have the hospital staff bar him from visiting you? Is that feasible at all?

OF COURSE SHE CAN!

Hospital personnel are Trained to protect patients.

oh, btw: BE GLAD you're not hooked up with this 'guy' any longer, HE'S A BULLY!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2012 04:27AM by guynoirprivateeye.

Did you adopt or did you have kids in your late 40's?

Sorry to hear about your trouble.... if Ex has a lawyer then why in the heck don't you have one? I think it would be best to tell Ex the papers are with your attorney and he is looking it over. That way Ex doesn't harass you to the ends of the earth. And get an attorney!

Or, if you're too ill to go to the police station, call and have them send an officer out.

I strongly suggest:

Lawyer, protection order.

Get well, loveskids.
Hugs, wings

Don't let him in your house! Tell him to wait at the car when he's picking up the kids, send them out to meet him, and lock your door. If he tries to break in, call the police!
Send him ONE message telling him that you will give him the papers when your attorney has finished looking them over, and that you won't be responding to any more of his texts about it. Then ignore his texts.
Talk to an attorney. Based on his behavior, you should look into getting a restraining order against him or only supervised visitation, if you think there could be a danger to the kids.
Don't sign anything until you have talked to an attorney. Don't let him bully you. Set up some clear boundaries, such as not allowing him in your house and not allowing harassment by text messages - enforce it by locking the door and ignoring unnecessary texts - and be ready to call the police if things get out of hand.

Don't sign anything under duress or on medication. Back off and get legal help. There are volinteer legal aids for just this thing. Do some asking around. Good luck,,

Make sure that you have an attorney to look out for your interests. Don't sign anything before your attorney looks it over, and don't let your husband's threats intimidate you into doing so.

Ask your attorney about changing the locks on your house.

I'm sorry for your pain. "8" is when I cry uncle. I hope that you mend quickly.

You've already received good advice.

Do you have a social support system? Any family or friends who can help you?

I'm sorry for what you're dealing with, especially the health issues. I agree that you should not sign until you're ready. On the other hand, it sounds like it'll be a happy day when you're rid of him. He sounds like a first class creep.

It doesn't take much physical effort to read and sign divorce papers, or just read and see what if any changes have been made. You can do it lying down.

Not siding with your STBX, but he's a nasty, lying, selfish person, right? Why aren't you in a hurry to be done with the divorce and move on?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2012 12:25PM by munchybotaz.

Because there might be something hidden in there about him getting custody of the kids or getting to keep the house she's living in, etc. Divorce the creep by all means, but have a lawyer look it over first and make sure you aren't overlooking something, especially since you're in a fog of pain.

A person is much more likely to risk overlooking or misreading something while at a pain level 8. Especially long legal documents with specific legal terms that might require looking up the specific definition in a legal dictionary. This is a binding legal document that will affect her life and her kids' lives in ways that are not always easy to predict, and the tiniest details are important. It should cover things like retirement accounts, health insurance for the kids, how to pay for their college, visitation schedule, what happens if either person relocates, who pays the cost of transportation for visitation, etc. It's not a simple question of "do I want to be divorced from this guy?" And it's a lot more difficult to make changes after the fact, especially if it has to do with the kids, because court like to stick with the status quo which is considered more stable for the kids. Make sure you know the difference between legal custody and physical custody. Take your time and do the research AND talk to an attorney.

No, I did not. And I've been divorced, so you don't need to explain how it works or what the papers look like. :)

Worth considering, I think.

If it weren't for the pain I imagine she'd be on this like white on rice. But it looks like he waited for her to be compromised before attempting to get the forms signed, which would make me really, really suspicious.

Because I don't think there's enough information in this one to know if he waited until she was compromised. And I'm not advocating signing immediately, but just a bit of introspection. That can also be done while lying down. :)

So I won't respond after this. Pretty much everyone here sees something wrong with the OP's husband trying to rush her into signing the divorce papers while she's recovering from her health issues. Divorce is probably inevitable, but there's no need to rush things while she's not at her fullest mental capacity.

and an excessive interest in steering the discussion the way you want it to go by shutting down opinions and suggestions that don't match your own.

Honestly, what is it about my suggestion that warrants this level of attention from you? You're the one who felt compelled to respond to my initial post, not the other way around. Is what I said that controversial, really? I don't think so. Does it indicate an inability to see what's wrong with the STBX's behavior? Nope! It just doesn't fit with your idea of what the OP should do, based on the small amount of information she posted.

Yeah, I know you won't respond. Nice little out you gave yourself there.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2012 04:41PM by munchybotaz.

//So the almost ex brings me the divorce papers for me to sign when I was in the Trauma ICU. I was barely functioning.Then the day I get home,he texts me that he will be over to get the papers and I better have them ready. He threatens me many times daily,tells me he is coming over to get them and I better hand them over. He said he and his attorney are making changes to the support etc.and I better be careful.// (From the Original Post)

He does sound like a jerk.

Get an attorney! Better yet, sign the papers, but make sure you know what they say even if it's bad, then get an attorney to sue HUGE when it's proved that you signed under threat (keep the texts) and when you were under a doctor's care with pain killers, and you were not completely aware...

Just make sure they don't see this post on RfM!

1. have him barred from your hospital room
2. get an attorney asap
3. don't sign anything -- wait until you are well ...not until you know exactly what it says and what it means -- and have it checked by an attorney... basically, he is bullying and threatening you...
or go tell him to piss up a rope..! :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIcnBccjgMw

The father fetcher can just wait for you to look these papers over when you are at zero pain. And make sure you get someone you trust to look over everything intensely. Then I'd recommend having an attorney who you hire look them over too.

I would tell him he cannot come into your hospital room, your home, your workplace. If he does, get a restraining order. If he texts or leaves a voicemail that is threatening be sure to save it, and file a police report.

There is no reason he should be at the hospital. Don't sign anything until you are good and ready. Don't trust him or his attorney to tell or explain what is in the divorce papers. They are your enemies and do not have your best interests at heart. Please please get an attorney if you don't have one. Do not ever use the same attorney as your husband. Without an attorney you may be left without the money and circumstances you deserve in order to care for your children. Don't sign anything under duress or threat.

DO NOT sign anything. YOU are not feeling well and may just give in to something you don't fully understand. Get a lawyer-not his- to look it over....even have someone take the papers to your lawyer and you can have him read it (or her) and then talk over the phone about it. He is up to something. Your lawyer will spot all the things he is trying to do. Sorry about your fall by the way. Take care.

I was in a car accident in the middle of my divorce....I was in a hospital bed resting from three fractured pelvic bones....my ex (which he soon became) decided to visit to tell me he gets half of the car money since it was totaled.I told him to get the H___out!!!! They are all about money - all about money. Do not sign a thing.

Hi loveskids,

I agree with Mia, who said: "Don't sign anything under duress or threat."

Also, don't sign anything without a lawyer, and don't sign anything while you're in pain. Take your time, because whatever you sign will influence your life for many years to come!

I know that you posted before, and I'm trying to remember if you said that in the past, you had had cancer, and you were trying so hard to take care of your kids. I can't believe everything that you've been through.

Please slow down. You need an aggressive attorney, and a restraining order against your soon-to-be ex-husband. You need social support.

Right now, the most important thing is to focus on resting and healing.

I wish you the very best,

Steve

If he refuses to leave your house call the police. Go look up the non emergency number now and put it by the phone. And do not let him in your house and tell the kids they are not to open the door to him. He has given you no reason they must be done NOW. He can just go sit in the corner and hold his shorts on till you feel up to dealing with it. Don't put up with a bully.

I'm a little late to this forum, but I have some important input. Loveskids, as soon as you can, go to the courthouse and file a restraining order against this jerk. Any one can get one, you just have to tell the judge that you are afraid of him, and show the judge the texts. That way, he cannot call you or text you, he cannot get closer to you than 500 feet, if he does, he can go to jail, he cannot talk to you unless you want to hear what he has to say. That is the first thing you should do. I cannot emphasize this enough. Get a restraining order!
The second thing you should do is call an attorney. usually that does not cost you anything for a consultation. It may cost you a little for him to read over the papers, but you will know that there is nothing in them that will work to his advantage over yours. You can also request that he pay for the attorneys fees. Not sure that will work, but if he is threatening you, the judge might be more willing to hear your request.
I will say that I have bee on both ends of the R S, and when you get served with one, It leaves him with an absolute feeling of helplessness because there is nothing he can do about it. When you have one served, It makes your spirit soar because you are in control.

Anything he has to say to you needs to be in writing and NOT in a text. US Mail.

What's the hurry?

Do it at a pace YOU feel comfortable with.

This is the 3rd time I have tried to respond. I must be hitting some button,or doing something I am unaware of.The drugs I am on don't seem to help with the pain much,but I think they are making me stupid.

I have a divorce attorney,and a tax attorney.Both because of the same man,a man who thinks he can do what ever he wants and for the most part has gotten away with it. My tax atty was shocked when I brought in dh's income taxes for 2010. I knew nothing about them until I went on-line and saw what he did. And he signed my name. I hope this man will have to pay,at some time in his life,for all the cruel,hateful,dishonest thinhs he has done. But he blames everything on me. He said my accident was my fault because I don't eat enough. That I starve myself,and I fainted.My health issues have become much worse because I have not been able to get much medical help. He cancelled my health ins. 13 mths. ago. I've had cancer,I have osteoporosis,and I am on seizure med. So he pulled my health ins.

I moved out of our home with my 2 youngest in May. He is in the house. He quit making the house payment in July. Never said a word to me. My credit was 800.I had taken care of all the bills for 39 years. I now have no credit,and being a single mom,that scares me a lot.I have no idea what is happening with the house.

Dh started calling my attorney 3 months ago and demanded it be finished by Dec. 30. He was calling her every day and leaving messages threatening me. She stopped returning his calls,and he called more often. WHY??? This is my problem. Why does it have to be done RIGHT NOW? Is it just a game with him and he wants to call all the shots and bully me? Is it because he has told his parents and this new woman that he is already divorced? Or is it something I really need to worry about? Of course I want to be divorced from this evil man.But damn,I am just scared about the reason for the rush. We are dealing with a chronic,compulsive liar.I also think he has some type of mental issue.How can one person do everything to me that he has done,and not have some serious issues. He has no boundaries. He won't stay out of my house. He lays on my couch and watches TV. He tells my kids he will take them to Disneylan if they will come live with him. And on and on. And I believe he will be able to get what he wants,because he always has.

This new girlfriend lives in Utah. He is in Ca. From what I have learned from one of my daughters that lives with her dad,this woman is obsessed with him.DD says it is obnoxious and Jr.Hi. like the way she hears them talk. And she has read some of their emails. She says it makes her sick. Her grand parents are all excited about the relationship. When they found out their darling sons wife left the church,I was trash to them. 45 years I have known and loved these people. They were my parents too!! I have heard nothing from them reguarding my accident. Most of dh's brothers and all the grandkids etc. live in the same city in Utah. They are 80% tbm.And they are thrilled for him.He gets to march into the temple and marry this woman? Will the presidency be able to tell he is so not worthy to be there? Doesn't it just make you laugh and puke at the same time? What arrogance. This new woman has been widowed for 10 years. I hope she has many happy years with the man.

Thank you again for all the advice. My only concern in any of this is for my 2 youngest. They have been through much more than their share,and mostly because of their dad. He still refuses to admit he ever hurt them. The stories my ds has told me about the things his father has done to him breaks my heart. He has told his therapist some of the same stories,and also a lot more. I really don't want to know what he tells her,so I'm glad it's confidental. She has been wonderful to the 3 of us.Both kids trust her.She is coming over to our house tomorrow to see how we are all doing.She is helping me stay strong,and keeping me focused on getting better and making our lives better.